


Flesh and Bone

by ahopper84, themayqueen



Series: Pieces Fit [3]
Category: Hanson (Band), The Moffatts
Genre: BDSM, Biting, Bondage, Collars, Dom/sub, Dominatrix, F/M, Femdom, Flogging, Heavy BDSM, Humiliation, Infidelity, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Knifeplay, M/M, Past Incest, Phone Sex, Punishment, Scratching, Spanking, Verbal Humiliation, Wax Play, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, Whipping, past Taylor Hanson/Zac Hanson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:01:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 70,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahopper84/pseuds/ahopper84, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One tour can change a lot. With their lives spiraling out of control, yet finally starting to make sense, Taylor and Zac are left to pick up the pieces and find some sense of normalcy again. But they won't be able to do it alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

November 15, 2013. Brady, Musick and Olsen, CPAs, Tulsa.

_**Zac** _

_I hate Scott. I hate Taylor. I hate myself._ Those were the thoughts running through my head every time I felt a strap of leather, or sharp nails, or sharper teeth, biting into my skin. Ever since that final night I had been going to every club, bordello and bar I could find that catered to guys like me--guys who need their demons beaten out of them. It was more than a little intimidating the first time, and I almost chickened out. But when my cab pulled up outside the hotel, I hopped in and rattled off the address I’d found online. Some irrational part of me thought he would know what it was, and what I was up to, and was judging me for it. 

It wasn’t what I’d expected, but then, I hadn’t really known what to expect. The only experience I had was with my brother and his… lover? Boyfriend? Dom? All of the above, I supposed. But these were complete strangers, and I was putting myself into a situation I knew could easily go very wrong very fast. I didn’t care, though. I knew what I needed now, and how to get it, or at least where to begin. And it was so easy, even more than I’d expected, to find someone willing to step in.

But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t ever enough. I knew why; one-time encounters don’t work because there isn’t enough time to even find the limits, let alone enough trust to really push them. And I didn’t want to just push them--I wanted to _break_ them. It didn’t take long for me to come to my decision. After the tour was over, I’d hire a permanent Domme, emphasis on the ‘-me’... no more guys. I’d begrudgingly accepted that I was bisexual, but it’d brought me nothing but trouble. Just like every other sick fantasy I’d given in to.

So it was only a short two weeks later, on our mid-tour break, when I found myself sitting in a strangely normal-looking office, waiting for my consultation with Lily. It was a pretty name; not the type you’d expect a professional Dominatrix to have, but I liked it.

As I waited, I thought about how Tay and I had left things at the airport the night before. I’d wanted so badly to believe him, to believe that he really would call in a few hours and we’d go hang out, and everything would be like before. I should’ve known better, and deep in my gut, I had. Anyway, as soon as we got on the plane his lie became obvious. There were at least a dozen empty seats, including the one he’d been supposed to occupy. 

I let myself run the gamut of emotions during the flight, one last time of caring, before steeling myself. I actually was almost grateful that he’d ditched me once again. It made my decision that much easier. I was done with him, done being the conscience he didn’t want. He was dragging himself into Hell, but I’d be damned if I let him take me, too. 

“Zachary?”

I looked up to see a woman standing in the doorway, looking around the waiting area. I was the only one there, so I stood up, giving her a quick once over as I held out my hand. “Hey.”

“Hello,” she responded simply, her handshake surprisingly firm. “Would you like to come on back and discuss… things?”

I nodded and followed her into the office. It was pretty standard, shelves filled with academic-looking books, an arbitrary potted plant sitting in the corner. The desk was fairly impressive, mahogany from the looks of it.

“Have a seat, please.” She motioned to the chair on my side of the desk, taking place in her own.

“Nice office.” It was, but the comment was more of a pleasantry, and her smile suggested she knew it.

“Thank you. Now, I know we spoke on the phone a little bit about what you want from me, but I’d like to hear it again, in person. And of course, I’ll have a few questions for you.”

I cleared my throat, choosing my words carefully. “I’m looking for someone I can go to on a regular basis. A few times a week. For... “ I paused and cleared my throat again. “Discipline.”

“Of course,” Lily replied, a tiny smirk on her red lips. Apparently she found my nervousness amusing; she reminded me for a moment of Taylor, and I fought the urge to scowl. It wasn’t that she looked anything like him; she was shorter than me, even with the heels she was wearing. Her face was angular, contrasting with the soft curls of her dark hair. Her eyes were green… no, more like grey. Like the sky right before a storm, I realized. 

“I think that can definitely be arranged. Now, you haven’t had a Domme before, have you?”

“Female, no,” I answered, and she raised an eyebrow.

“I see. Was that a… professional arrangement, or…”

I looked down, gritting my teeth. “It was personal.”

“I see. But you’re comfortable with something more professional? It’s still a very intense relationship, but in a different way.”

“I think that’d be better,” I said, nodding.

“For many people it is. Now, when you say discipline, can you expand on that a bit? I’ve got a sheet here for you to fill out in detail with your hard limits and whatnot, but I’d like to get a general idea right now of what you’re looking for.”

I took a deep breath before answering. “Pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so I can take a lot. I’m used to belts, straps, stuff like that. Biting and scratching are good too. I need to keep it to the back and chest, though.”

“That can be done. Are there any other types of pain or punishments you’re looking for?”

“I…” I looked down again. It still felt strange to list off my kinks so clinically, but it was easier now than it had been at the start. “I like to be humiliated. Told how bad I am. How wrong the things I’ve thought and done are.”

“I see.” Her eyebrow arched again, and I wasn’t sure why. Surely it wasn’t that uncommon a request. “Humiliation is… certainly within my repertoire. Now,” she paused, clearing her throat lightly. “Bondage. Where do you stand on that? Ropes, chains, cuffs, collars? Any particular likes or dislikes?”

I shrugged off the unwanted familiarity I felt at the mention of collars, and shook my head. “No preferences there. I don’t mind it, but it’s not a necessity.”

“That’s fine. We can discuss it again later if you’d like to try anything like that. Are there any other types of play you’re interested in? Roleplaying or what have you? Roleplaying is very popular.”

“I haven’t tried it. I… I guess I wouldn’t mind.”

She nodded. “Again, we can discuss that later if you decide you want to try it. Now, I assume that in the past, with your previous Dom, there was a… sexual aspect, yes?”

“Yes,” I replied, biting my lip.

“Then I hope you won’t be disappointed that there isn’t one here. Sex with clients is one of _my_ limits, for fairly obvious reasons.”

“Actually, I’d prefer if it didn’t get sexual. It’s…” I bit my lip again, and she leaned forward.

“It’s what, Zachary?” she asked, her voice softening.

“It’s…” I let out a sigh and looked down again. “This is going to sound a little weird but… it’s not something I deserve.”

“You’d be surprised at the strange things I’ve heard. But if this is going to work, there has to be communication.”

“I know.” I nodded, silently thankful she hadn’t pressed the issue. I’m sure she would eventually, but for now I didn’t want to get into it.

“Good. Now, safe words. Have you used a safe word in the past?”

“No.” Taylor had mentioned it, but we’d never really bothered. I didn’t know if he had one with Scott; it wouldn’t surprise me if the answer to that was ‘no’ as well.

“Okay, that’s the one thing that isn’t negotiable. I’m a fan of red light, yellow light, green light. Red, obviously, means stop; yellow means slow down. Easy enough, yes? Now, there are a few more questions with regards to your safety on this little worksheet.” She handed over a clipboard and a pen, and I began filling it out as she went on.

“I’ll need an emergency contact, of course, in case anything goes wrong. I’m sure that’s nothing we need to worry about, but we still want our asses covered,” she chuckled. I smirked, finished filling out the paperwork and handed it back. “Thank you. Now, I think that covers the basics. Do you have any questions for me before we set up our first session?”

“No, I think we’re all set.” I paused, thinking. “Actually…”

“Yes?”

“Well, there is one thing my… Dom… did for me that I’d kind of like to keep if possible.”

“What might that be?” she asked, again with a tiny, slightly patronizing smirk.

“Well, he would set rules… challenges, sort of. Nothing big. Just things I had to follow.”

“That can definitely be arranged.”

“Okay.” I smiled a little; this had gone a lot more smoothly than I’d anticipated. 

“Now, shall we schedule your first session? We’ll still be figuring out your limits and such then, of course. And I typically hold the sessions at my home, just for the sake of privacy and comfort.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding. “I have this whole week off, so I’d like to meet at least once. And then I’ll be gone for a few more weeks, but then I’d like to start meeting regularly.”

She took a moment to glance at her computer screen. “Tomorrow night, then? Say, seven o’clock?”

“That works.”

“Wonderful.” She stood up and held her hand out. “It was nice to meet you, Zachary.”

“Just Zac is fine,” I told her, shaking her hand. “It was nice meeting you too."

I left her office feeling a lot better than I had when I’d come in. I was still a pathetic, broken mess, but at least now I had an outlet. Lily… there was something about her, I couldn’t put my finger on what, but something I liked. Maybe it was how professional and non-judgmental she was, but then that was her job. I still hated Tay and Scott, and I still wasn’t too happy with myself, but something about her sort of… lowered the volume, so to speak. Either way, I was looking forward to our first session.


	2. Chapter 2

Nov. 15, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

**_Taylor_ **

It was all too easy to get away. For the extent of the flight, my guilt gnawed and clawed at my insides, but it didn’t stop me from moving and carrying out my plan. The whole convoluted plan meant that I didn’t land in Los Angeles until early afternoon the next day. As soon as we were allowed to turn our phones back on, I sent Zac a text that I wasn’t feeling well. It would only delay him finding out the truth, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I had given Natalie a slightly different timeline for my return, which would again, only delay the inevitable.

Until then, I was determined to enjoy myself. Just knowing I was so close to Scott set me at ease and pushed all those worries out of my mind. Nothing else mattered but being with him.

In spite of his small stature, Scott was all too easy to spot at the airport gate. With his sunglasses on and his sun-streaked hair spiked up in that deliberate, yet casual way, he looked like the very spirit of California embodied. That thought made me almost laugh, but I didn’t think I could even begin to explain it to him, so I stifled the urge and settled for a smile.

When I finally shouldered my way through the crowd and reached him, he gave me a huge grin and pulled his sunglasses off. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey.” My own smile felt like it was going to split my face in half.

“Good to see ya,” Scott said, giving me the sort of lazy, one-armed half-hug guys seem so fond of. Of course, with other celebrities nearby, two old child stars like us were of no interest at all to the fans and paparazzi who lurked around LAX. Still, two child stars caught in a gay affair? It made a small ball of pain settle in the bottom of my stomach, but I understood Scott’s need to seem like nothing more than bros—though, under the circumstances, I supposed that wasn’t the best term, either.

“I know,” I replied quietly, hating that I could feel my face heating up. “I missed you so much.”

Scott grinned up at me. “Missed ya too, babe.”

“Can we get my luggage and get out of here?” I asked, sure that if no one else around us had, Scott had at least noticed that my face was—judging by how it felt—bright red.

“Sure thing,” he replied.

Despite the crowd, it took us only a moment to find the right bag on the baggage carousel. Our tour manager had seen to the large pieces of equipment, leaving me with only one small suitcase and my carry-on.

As I followed behind Scott, who insisted on lugging the suitcase for me, I asked, “So, what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Whatever you want,” he said with a shrug. “I finally get the chance to spoil you for a bit.”

“Well, I didn’t have anything in particular in mind. Just as long as I’m with you. God, how cheesy does that sound?”

“Pretty damn whipped,” Scott replied, chuckling. “But… I like it.”

By that point, we had reached his car, and I didn’t care at all who saw me blushing.

It was a long, but comfortably quiet drive to Scott’s apartment. The radio was tuned to some alt rock station, the volume low. When his hand wasn’t on the gear shift, it found its way to mine, and I didn’t mind the traffic or the length of the drive at all.

When we reached the apartment, Scott insisted again on carrying in my suitcase. He carried it inside and stood a bit sheepishly at the door, giving me an apologetic look. “Sorry, I haven’t really had a chance to clean. I’ve been in the zone, you know, finally getting some good tracks laid down, and… things like housekeeping tend to be forgotten. You know how it is.”

“I do,” I replied. “And I’m not that picky. Like I said, as long as you’re here.”

Rather than replying, Scott just stepped in and wrapped his arms around my waist, a genuine smile on his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned down to rest my head.

“Missed you,” I said.

“Missed you, too,” he replied, placing a soft, wet kiss to my neck.

I sighed happily, leaning harder against him, not caring at all if we collapsed under my weight. With a soft chuckle, Scott pulled himself onto his tiptoes and pressed his lips to mine. After just a few weeks apart, I had forgotten how pronounced our height difference actually was, and I couldn’t help giggling a bit as I readjusted my position to make it easier to return his kiss.

All too soon, he broke the kiss and asked, “You hungry?”

“I could eat,” I admitted. “I only had Starbucks during my layover, and that was hours ago.”

“Okay, well, I just went shopping. So I’m sure you can find something.” Scott punctuated this statement with a smirk.

I raised an eyebrow. “Am I cooking, then?”

“I heard this little rumor that you love to cook. So, get to it.” He gave my ass a slap and pointed me toward the kitchen.

“Alright, alright,” I giggled. “What would you like?”

He shrugged. “Surprise me.”

“Okay, then, let’s see what I’ve got to work with…” I headed into the kitchen, aware that Scott was leaning against the door frame looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Are you going to leave me alone to work my magic or what?”

Scott rolled his eyes, but the smirk never left his lips as he picked up my suitcase and headed up the stairs and out of sight. I waited until I heard his footsteps coming back down the stairs before I spoke again.

“So, how’s the music coming along?” I called out, sorting through the cabinets for the right size pan. I thought I had everything I needed for a fairly decent, if simple, beef stroganoff. It wasn’t the fanciest dish to impress him with, but it would do.

“Pretty good,” came his reply from the living room. “I think I’m going to be ready to cut some demos soon.”

“That’s great. And I get to hear them, right?”

“Duh.”

I giggled. Tossing the noodles into water that was just beginning to boil, I replied, “Good. I can’t wait.”

“It feels good to be doing it again, ya know?” Scott remarked. “I mean, really doing it, not just lending a hand to someone else’s stuff. Or throwing together an EP of old, stale shit just to get my name out there again.”

“Mhm,” I replied, my attention divided between Scott and the beef I was carefully cutting into strips. “I like working with other people, too, but there’s nothing like doing your own music.”

“It’s been ages, though,” Scott said, his voice a little nearer. I turned to see him standing in the door frame again. “Not really sure if anything’ll come of it or if I’ll just sit on these demos forever too. But hey, gotta do something with myself.”

“I’m sure it’ll sound great,” I replied. “I looked up some of your older stuff, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, lighting up a cigarette, but thankfully not coming any closer to where I was cooking, the sauce just starting to come together and the noodles boiling nicely.

“Mhm,” I replied. “I really liked the solo stuff you did before. The EP, I mean.”

“Thanks.” Scott gave me a genuine smile. “I listened to more of your stuff, too. Not bad.”

“Not bad _is_ generally what I aim for,” I replied, grinning when Scott chuckled. “We’ve got a few I’m not so proud of, though.”

He snorted. “Don’t we all?”

“Some of the stuff we recorded, trying to make the label happy…” I trailed off and chuckled, because what else could I do? If I didn’t try to find the humor in it now, I would never be able to get through the day. “Oh man, it was bad.”

“What was that one with the rap breakdown in the middle?” Scott asked.

I nearly snapped my neck spinning around to face him. “Oh god, you found that one?!”

“Oh, yeah.”

I gave a tiny growl as I spun back around to stir the sauce, but it wasn’t directed at him. “We never did find out who leaked those. Someone at IDJ who really hated us, I’d say. That song was definitely the lowest point.”

“Kinda sounded like the dude from the Gorillaz, though,” Scott remarked.

“It was just some no name rapper,” I replied, shrugging. “I don’t even remember. Like the label was gonna spend the money for us to record with someone important, someone who might even lend us some credibility?”

Scott gave a small sound of agreement, and I realized I didn’t know much about the dissolution of his own band, except that it mostly centered around his youngest brother’s sexuality. I decided to ask him about it later to avoid ruining dinner before we had even had it.

“Can’t believe you found those old demos, though,” I mumbled. “Some of them weren’t bad but… even the decent ones are a bit dated now.”

“Zac’s voice sounds really different,” Scott added. “I guess it was changing at the time?”

“Mhm,” I replied. “Took him a while to really figure out how to use his voice after it finished changing. It’s really strong now, though.”

“Yeah,” Scott agreed. “I gotta say, the kid grew up alright.”

“Yeah… he did.” I felt myself smiling, but it was almost in spite of how I actually felt. I gave Scott a quick glance, hoping to change the subject. “It’ll be done soon. Hope you like beef stroganoff.”

He glanced at the stove top and grinned. “Looks great.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any wine? Might be nice to have with it.”

“Don’t think I’m classy enough for wine?” He asked, opening one of the few cupboards I hadn’t peeked into and pulling out what looked like a pretty decent—and expensive—bottle of Cabernet.

“I didn’t say that,” I replied, watching as he grabbed glasses from another cabinet. “You’re plenty classy.”

“Right,” Scott mumbled, carefully pouring a glass for each of us and setting them down at the kitchen table, “about as classy as a denim tux.”

I finished plating up the meal and carried two plates to the table to join him. “Just tell me you don’t own a denim tux and we’ll be alright. You never know; I mean you are Canadian, after all.”

“Hell, no,” he replied, laughing.

I chuckled. “Not that I’m in any position to judge anyone else’s fashion choices, I suppose.”

“No complaints here.” Scott gave me a very conspicuous look up and down.

“Yeah, well, keep googling me and you’ll see plenty of fashion don’ts,” I remarked.

“Oh, believe me, I did,” Scott replied. “Did you guys have a stylist or were those disasters your own fault?”

“Our own,” I replied, just barely resisting the urge to bury my head in my hands. “Totally our own.”

“Thought so,” Scott replied, raising his glass in a mock toast before finally taking a bite of the stroganoff. After a moment to chew, he said, “Okay… I’m hiring you to be my chef.”

“Thanks,” I replied, laughing. “I mean, it’s nothing special, but I’m glad you like it.”

He gave me a genuine smile that carried all the way to his eyes. “Love it.”

I returned his smile, and began to pick at my own food. It wasn’t half bad, considering how quickly I had thrown it together, and the wine was as high quality as I’d thought. I wondered if Scott had bought it just for this trip or if he kept it around hoping for a special occasion. I decided not to ask.

“So,” he finally broke the silence after a long sip of wine. “How’ve you been holding up? Behaving yourself?”

I nodded. “Mhm. I’ve been behaving. And I’ve been… alright.”

“Just alright?” Scott asked, his brow furrowing adorably.

“Well, you know… things just have been kind of…” I struggled to find the right words to explain the last two weeks of tour. I sighed. “Just… strained. With Zac.”

That was putting it mildly, but I didn’t know what else to say. After ending things between us, Zac had withdrawn from me completely, only communicating when he needed to or was forced to. He seemed happy enough, but I could sense that it was only on the surface. Yet I knew there was no way he would let me get close enough to try to help solve the problems I knew I had created.

“Yeah…” Scott replied, nodding slightly. “I hope you guys can work it out.”

“I hope so, too,” I replied. “To be honest, we’ve just been avoiding each other. Just getting our jobs done, but everything else… is just gone.”

“I’m sorry, Taylor,” Scott said, and to my surprise, his tone seemed genuine. It had to be difficult for him, knowing I was torn between so many people, but I believed he truly did want me to be happy, in whatever form that happiness took.

“It’ll work itself out eventually.” I shrugged and took a sip of my wine. I didn’t believe the lie, but I didn’t know what else to say.

Scott shook his head. “Don’t assume that. You might have to work to get things back to normal.”

I sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Wish I knew what to tell you,” he replied with a sigh of his own. “I probably didn’t help matters.”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “But I would say it’s mostly my fault. I should have never let it get started.”

“Don’t let him get away. You’ll regret it.” The words were casual, almost mumbled, and punctuated by a slow sip of wine, but I could still practically see the truth and emotion in them. Of course Scott was understanding of this thing with Zac; due to his own personal experiences, he was perhaps the only person I knew who could be.

“I don’t think it’ll ever come to that. At least, I hope it doesn’t. I can’t imagine what we’d do if…” I trailed off, truly not wanting to even think about the possibility of not having the band anymore. It was the one thing that kept me going when everything else had gone to shit. I couldn’t lose Zac and the band, too.

Scott nodded dully, his eyes fixed at some point in the depths of his wine glass.

“Do you talk to your brothers at all these days?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry, that’s… that’s kind of prying. You don’t have to answer.”

He shrugged. “I call the twins once in awhile.”

“And Dave?”

Scott continued staring into the glass. After a moment, he shrugged.

“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Forget I asked.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, but the large gulp of wine he took said that it wasn’t. “Like I said, don’t let him get away.”

I nodded soberly. “I’ll try not to.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Scott said, reaching across the table to take my hand in his. It was a surprisingly sweet and gentle move, and I appreciated it.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” I replied, “even if I did just kinda kill the mood.”

“You didn’t,” he said, shaking his head. He gave me the faintest of smiles, and said, “C’mere.”

I scooted my chair around the side of the table and leaned softly against Scott. He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a kiss. I relaxed under his touch and let him deepen the kiss, enjoying the bittersweet taste of wine on his tongue.

Scott pulled away and polished off the glass, setting it down with a decisive thump. He took my hand in his and pulled me to my feet.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked, my slurred words betraying just how much of the Cabernet I’d had.

“Dessert.” He smirked, nodding his head toward the stairs.

Somewhat in spite of myself, I giggled. I let Scott lead the way, practically dragging me up the stairs and into his bedroom. He sat down on the bed, and I took a seat next to him without even waiting for any instructions.

He ran his fingers through my hair, a satisfied smile on his face. I leaned into his touch, letting out a soft sigh. Things weren’t perfect, no, not for myself or for Scott. But there was something in this strange relationship that just worked for the two of us. I couldn’t explain it, even though I was sure the day was coming when I would have to explain it somehow.

But it wasn’t the time to think about that. Right then, I just wanted to enjoy what little time I had with him.

Scott cupped my cheek and gave me a soft kiss. It quickly deepened, Scott nudging me onto my back and crawling on top of me. When he finally pulled back, he stroked my cheek and smiled down at me. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” It felt good to say those words and actually see his face. To see that he meant it just as much as I did.

He trailed his hand down the side of my neck, but slowly, letting it come to rest on my chest, just over my heart.

“So gentle tonight,” I remarked. With a little bit of a smirk, I asked, “You feeling okay?”

He nudged me with his knee, but he was smirking, too. “Just shut up and enjoy it.”

“Oh, I am,” I giggled. “Just slightly afraid that you’ve been replaced by an alien or something.”

“Nope.” Scott chuckled and shook his head, then gave me a bit more of a serious look. “We’ve got time now, so we don’t have to cut straight to playtime. I kinda like being able to just be together. You complaining?”

“No.” I shook my head vigorously. “Not complaining at all.”

“Good.” Scott punctuated the short sentence with a kiss on my neck.

“Yeah…” I breathed out, stretching to get closer to him. “Not complaining a bit.”

Scott pulled back, and reached for the small lock I wore around my neck. It was tangled in with the rest of my necklaces well enough to disguise it from most anyone else who looked at me, but of course Scott found it with no trouble at all.

“What?” I asked, eyeing him.

“You like wearing this?”

I nodded. “Mhm. I do.”

“Good,” he replied, kissing my neck softly again. “Did you do your homework?”

“Yeah… I did some reading…” I breathed out.

“What’d you find out?” He asked, looking up and locking eyes with me.

“Well, umm…” I felt my cheeks heating up again. “There was some stuff about, you know, formal collars?”

“Oh, yeah?” Scott asked, his eyes widening a bit.

“Yeah,” I replied, nodding slowly. “I mean, I guess that’s… that’s kinda the next step?”

“Usually, yeah,” Scott said softly. “If the couple’s ready for that.”

“Yeah…” I echoed, my mouth going a bit dry. Formal collaring, as I had learned, didn’t necessarily mean marriage, but it certainly could and often did. I had stored my ring safely in my suitcase for this weekend, but surely Scott hadn’t forgotten that I still had a wife.

“And what did you think about that?” He asked, planting some very distracting kisses on my neck. They almost cleared my mind of those dark thoughts, but not quite.

“I think… I think I need to think about that a little more?” I managed to squeak out. “It’s a big step.”

“Not saying we’re there yet,” Scott said, pausing to plant another kiss further down my neck, popping the top button of my shirt. “But maybe… we could work towards it?”

I could do little more than nod. Of course I wanted that. Of course I wanted to work toward being happy and free to be with him, and only him. And when he kissed me, I could almost convince myself that would be simple and easy to achieve.

“Yeah,” I finally managed to reply. “Yeah, I think we could.”

Scott gave me the biggest, most genuine smile I had ever seen from him. His hand creeping back up to cup my cheek, he said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I replied.

And for just a moment, I could believe that love was enough and that nothing else at all mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

Nov. 16, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

**_Lily_ **

This was not how I would normally spend my Saturday evening. Occasionally, I would find myself at a club for this event or that, but more often Saturdays were me time, reserved for putting pajamas on early, eating ice cream and watching an episode of Sons of Anarchy from my DVR. Saturdays were not for first sessions with new clients.

This particular client, however, was something different, different enough for me to schedule a session for the very day after our first meeting. It was practical, I reasoned; he traveled for work, he said, and wouldn’t be in town for long. Whatever the reason, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to arrive, anxiously plotting how to get the most out of this initial session.

There was something about this Zachary, something that intrigued me. In order for this to work, I needed to know him better. It was nothing personal, not really. It was a simple fact that I could do my job better when I understood a client, really got under their skin and learned what made them tick. With Zac, I wasn’t so sure any of that would be easy, but I had a feeling it would be worth it.

Right on time, the doorbell rang. I pulled myself from the couch and brushed off my jeans. I had opted for black jeans and a black tank top; comfortable, casual and just goth enough to satisfy the sort of clients who expected that from their Domme. It wasn’t really about me, though; I could have worn the rattiest old sweatpants I owned and still done my job well. Was I trying to impress Zac? I didn’t think so, but then again, I had put on a full face of makeup.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I strode to the door and pulled it open. Sure enough, there stood Zachary. He looked deceptively normal in his jeans and t-shirt, the only hint of abnormality his long hair, hanging loose and still slightly damp, presumably from a recent shower, on his shoulders.

I looked him up and down one more time, then smiled. “Glad you made it on time. I’m big on punctuality. Come on in.”

He smiled politely, but didn’t speak as he followed me into the house. I lead the way to the living room in silence.

“Now, I suppose we will move this to the playroom later,” I said, motioning toward the couch, “but for now, why don’t we have a seat out here? Make yourself comfortable.”

“Okay,” Zac replied, but stared at me for a moment, seeming to contemplate my words as though there might be sort of trick in them. Finally, he sat down gingerly on the edge of my large, overstuffed couch.

I sat down next to him, close but not too close--just enough distance to maintain a sense of professional distance and remind him that our relationship was truly not personal. “I know we got to know each other a little bit yesterday, but I thought it would be a good idea to talk a little more. And of course, to lay down a few more ground rules for you. Since you are a fan of rules.”

Zac gave the faintest of smirks. “Fair enough.”

“Okay,” I said, then took a deep breath. “Well, once we actually begin the session—right now doesn’t count—no speaking unless you’re spoken to. I’m not going to insist on being called Mistress or anything like that, but you’re free to call me that if it strikes your fancy.”

“Alright,” Zac replied.

“Are you nervous, Zac?” I asked, my tone a bit softer than what I would normally use with a client. He was strangely quiet, yet I got the feeling he wasn’t normally a quiet person at all. 

“No,” he replied, his eyes quickly shifting off to stare at the wall. It was a nice wall, but he wasn’t here to admire the décor.

“I’m not sure I believe that,” I replied. “And I’d appreciate it if you looked at me while we’re talking. In fact, let’s make that a rule, shall we?”

He gave a short sigh, but brought his eyes back to my face. “Okay.”

“I know the first time with a new Domme, especially in a situation like this, is nerve wracking. But I want you to be comfortable with me. I had hoped that talking a little more would help with that.”

Zac’s eyes fell to the floor, but flickered upward quickly. “Okay… I’ll try.”

“I’ll let you slide on that one.” I smirked. “But just this once.”

Zac gave the faintest of smirks of his own. “Thanks.”

“You _are_ quite polite. I like that.”

He shrugged. “Just how I was raised, I guess. Always be nice to girls.”

“And you should certainly always be nice to your Domme.” Now we were getting somewhere. I could tell that there must have been a million layers to this boy, but getting him to peel back even one was seeming to be a Herculean feat.

He nodded, perhaps a bit eagerly, but not enough to give much away.

“Good.” I grinned. “I’m glad we’re in agreement about that. It should go without saying, of course, that you’ll be punished if you aren’t polite to me. Yes ma’am, no ma’am and thank you will be the biggest parts of your vocabulary while you’re here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I ignored the smirk on his lips at those words and continued with the formalities. “Hmm, what other ground rules do we have… well, of course, you need to be on time. Being late is definitely grounds for punishment. And I think that’s enough to start with. You seem fairly well behaved… so far.”

His smirk grew. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Now, I know you came here to be punished,” I said, lowering my voice. I inched across the couch, closing the distance between us until our legs just barely brushed. “I suppose the question is... what am I punishing you for?”

His smirk faltered. Perhaps he felt that was too personal of a question. More often than not, I was sure the stories my clients told me were nothing more than the product of their imagination, but perhaps my gut feeling about Zachary was right. Perhaps there was something deep and dark lurking beneath his surface.

“I’ve… I’ve thought things,” he finally replied, his voice little more than a whisper. “Things I shouldn’t.”

“I see,” I replied. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, Zac, but I do expect you to answer my questions. Gotta be sure the punishment fits the crime, so to speak.”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“So,” I said, with a soft smile on my face to let him know this was still, for all intents and purposes, a game, “would you like to elaborate on those thoughts?”

His brow furrowed slightly. “I’ve thought about certain… people. People I shouldn’t be thinking about.”

“Someone you shouldn’t want?” I suggested.

He hesitated, as if considering whether or not to be honest, then nodded.

“Well, that certainly _is_ naughty,” I replied, smirking just a bit. “What do you think about?”

“Being with them,” Zac replied. With a sigh, he added, “physically.”

I nodded. He really was proving to be a difficult nut to crack, although I couldn’t tell if he was being deliberately obtuse or not. “Mhm. So you fantasize about them.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said softly.

“So…” I said, adopting a faux thoughtful look. “Fantasizing about someone you shouldn’t want. I think that definitely calls for punishment.”

Zac nodded, his eyes showing just a bit of eagerness.

I gave him a reassuring smile. “Okay, then. I suppose we should get started on the punishment, then, since that is why you’re here. Follow me.”

I stood up and gave a nod toward the hallway. Zac stood and gave me a wide grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

The playroom was just down the hallway, as close to the front of the house as I could get it. I didn’t always schedule sessions at my house; there were clubs in Tulsa that rented rooms for this sort of thing. When I did feel safe enough with a client to bring them into my home, I still didn’t want to bring them all the way into my personal space. At least I knew that if anything went wrong, there were any number of weapons at my disposal. 

The room was mostly bare and serviceable. A large bed occupied most of the space. I had laid out a few toys on the dresser, and others still hung on the wall, adding a bit of rather macabre décor that always amused me. Zac’s face was surprisingly blank as he glanced around and took in his surroundings.

“Well, here we are,” I said, closing the door behind us. “I like to keep things pretty simple, unless the situation calls for something more… elaborate.”

He nodded, his face still betraying little to no emotion.

“Now, let’s see…” I said, eying him carefully. “I think we’ll begin with you stripping down for me. Everything off, then on your stomach on the bed.”

Having my clients strip down to nothing wasn’t strictly necessary, depending on the chosen punishment, but it did add to the humiliation. I usually tried not to stare, but it was difficult. Zac was _gorgeous_.

His body was a mixture of hard and soft. His smile could be sweet, but a flicker of something darker shone in his eyes every so often, and although his features were all a bit unusual, they combined together surprisingly well. There were well-developed muscles on his arms and thighs but a hint of baby fat still lingering on his stomach. His skin was smooth and mostly hairless, aside from a happy trail, seemingly made from spun gold, that led down to a cock that was impressively long and thick even though he was clearly unaroused at the moment. Goosebumps, either because of cold, embarrassment or both, began to break out across his arms, which he crossed over his midsection in an attempt to cover himself.

Perhaps what surprised me the most was the tattoo across his chest. Right over the heart chakra—which I assumed was intentional—he sported an _om_ symbol in white ink. It was large but subtle enough to be missed under most shirts. Aside from his long hair, which I hated to admit wanting to run my fingers through, it was the only unconventional thing about his appearance. Again, I had that niggling feeling that there really was more beneath his surface than he let on.

“Very good,” I said curtly, trying my best to stay professional even though he had managed to take me by surprise. “On the bed now.”

He lay on his stomach across the bed, but turned his head toward me. From that angle, I had an eyeful of the handiwork of what looked like more than one other Dom. Even though his chest and back were already covered in bruises and scratches, he was still easily my best looking client ever. I almost hated to add to the rainbow of injuries he had, but that was, after all, what he was paying me for.

Trying not to think too much about my sudden reservations, I decided instead to make a bit of a joke. “Well, then. Looks like someone else has beaten me to you. Pun intended.”

He stared up at me, seeming to debate whether or not he was meant to laugh at this. Finally, he settled for, “Yes, ma’am.”

“You’ve been good for me so far, though,” I remarked, tracing the bruises with a fingertip. If only I could follow them like a map… “I think this time we’ll just get a handle on what your limits are, okay? Have you used a flogger before?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied. That surprised me a bit, but many of his marks did look more like they had been inflicted by a traditional whip, and even a few perhaps from a cane.

“Well, floggers are my favorite,” I said. “So I think that’s the perfect place to start.”

Zac nodded in agreement, and I turned toward the wall where a few of my favorites hung waiting. It was a bit cliché, perhaps, but I couldn’t resist choosing a hot pink one. It looked sweet and cute, but had a deceptively strong bite.

With a smile spreading across my face, I turned back to Zac. “I think you’ll like this one.”

He blinked, as though in disbelief of what he was seeing, then rolled his eyes. It was a slight movement, but I was sure I hadn’t imagined it.

“I’m sorry, did I just see you roll your eyes?” I knew the answer, of course, but I wanted to give him one last chance to be honest. He seemed like a smart guy, but perhaps he was just the type who liked to fight back and truly earn his licks.

He swallowed visibly, but didn’t respond.

“Rolling your eyes _and_ not answering a question? You’re not off to a very good start, I’m afraid.”

Zac’s lips twitched, and for a moment, I thought he was going to argue. Just when I thought he was going to prove himself that much of a smartass sub, he said, “Sorry, ma’am.”

I cleared my throat. “That’s better. Now, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough about how you need to behave, but eye rolling is definitely out. Shall we make that a new rule? _No eye rolling_.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“That’s better,” I replied. “Now, I think… hmm, shall we say ten lashes for that little bit of misbehavior? As for the rest of your punishment, I suppose we’ll see how you handle those and proceed from there, but I’m sure you can handle it. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied.

“Good.” I smiled. “Let’s begin, then.”

Zac shivered as I stepped in closer, coming right to the side of the bed and staring down at him. There was precious little unmarred skin left on his back, so I was going to have be very careful; that was why I had picked a rather pitifully small number of lashes to start.

Finally, I picked a spot and brought the flogger down with a satisfying little crack. The noise was deceptive; it often sounded worse than it truly felt. The human mind was easily swayed, though, and the louder it sounded, the more the sub was convinced it hurt. Sure enough, Zac winced visibly, far more than I thought anyone with his apparent pain threshold ought to.

“Now, that was just one,” I said. “I’m sure you can handle more. If you’re going to misbehave, you’ve got to take the punishment, don’t you?”

I didn’t wait for an answer before picking another spot and bringing the flogger down again. He tensed, but nodded slightly.

“Good boy,” I remarked.

I resumed flogging him, enjoying the way his skin turned a similar shade of pink to the flogger itself. The marks on his back were mostly still fresh, but they displayed a wide variety of colors and patterns. Adding my own to them was strangely satisfying, a perverse work of art, and I couldn’t help smiling as I gently massaged the spots I had hit.

“Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” I asked. “You think you can handle a few more? For being so naughty and thinking about that person…”

Zac nodded eagerly. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I think twenty more seems fair,” I replied. “For now.”

Zac nodded his agreement with that.

I took a moment to assess the situation before settling on his upper back. Staying clear of his surprisingly toned shoulders and arms, I gave a few quick lashes before falling into a nice rhythm. I could almost lose myself in the sound of it, but I knew I had to stay alert.

“You’re doing very well,” I remarked, the sound of my own voice helping me to focus. “I’m sure we’ll have no trouble getting you to behave better and be a good boy…”

Zac gave an aborted snort, obviously realizing his mistake only a moment too late.

“Shall we add a few extra lashes for that?” I asked. “I’m sure I wasn’t trying to be funny that time.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” he mumbled.

“Just five extra, then,” I replied, giving him the sweetest smile I could manage. “Since you apologized.”

I found my rhythm again, delivering the last few lashes with renewed purpose. He was certainly going to be a challenge, but I thought I was up to it. Most of my clients were easy to read, their needs practically written all over them. A part of me wasn’t so sure that Zac didn’t need a therapist more than a Domme, but the two jobs weren’t mutually exclusive.

A thought occurred to me. While this was just a job, and I never truly _wanted_ to hurt my any of clients, Zac was different. What he needed, I realized, was healing. Whether or not I could provide that, only time would tell.

As the last crack of the flogger faded into silence, I let it fall to the side and ran my hands softly across the bright red marks.

“There we are then,” I said softly. “Not so bad, hmm?”

“N-no, ma’am,” he said, the words coming out in something just above a whisper.

“Good,” I replied, massaging his shoulders lightly, then giving him a soft pat on the back. “You can get dressed now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, but seemed hesitant to do so. It had been a fairly short session, but it was, I thought, a decent introduction for both of us.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, trying but ultimately failing not to watch him as he redressed. He turned quickly, but I still caught sight of the hard-on he was now sporting. It wasn’t particularly surprising, all things considered. I quickly diverted my eyes as he pulled his jeans up, but I couldn’t look away for long. The muscles in his arms strained as he pulled on his t-shirt, his face screwed up in a look of pain.

“A little sore, huh?” I asked, smirking.

“A little.”

“Why don’t you have a seat?” I asked. “Or lay down, if you’d like. Just relax for a little while, yeah?”

Zac nodded, and gingerly sat down next to me. I could see he was hesitant to be so close to me after we had shared something so intimate, but I never let a client leave until I was sure they were fully recovered and capable of getting home safely.

“I know it probably seems like I started you off pretty gently,” I said softly. “You were already quite bruised, though. And we’re just getting started. But you handled that well.”

He nodded, then opened his mouth to speak. No sounds came out but a small squeak that might have been the beginning of a word.

“Yes?” I prodded.

“I’m used to taking more than that.”

“I see.” And I did see. The evidence was written all over his skin, and I wasn’t so sure his previous Dom—if there had been just one—had been all that careful with him. There could be a far, far too fine line between sadism and abuse, and it was a line I was determined never to cross. “Well, we can certainly do more next time.”

Zac frowned, but gave a slight nod.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied slowly.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I can’t stress enough how important it is that you communicate with me. You’re free to talk now, by the way.”

He sighed. “I guess I just expected… more. I mean, no offense.”

“None taken,” I replied, smirking just a bit. “I’ll admit, I do like to start off gently. Don’t want to scare anyone off.”

Zac snorted. “No chance of that with me.”

“Mmm, but you seem so timid,” I replied, my smirk growing. Shy and slow to open up, perhaps, but timid? Some might get that impression, but I thought I already knew better.

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a smirk of his own. “Looks can be deceiving.”

“I suppose so,” I replied. “I mean, I suppose I look the part now, but if you saw me at the grocery store in sweats? Not so intimidating then.”

“Who says you’re all that intimidating now?” Zac smirked.

“I’ll remember that for next time,” I replied, giving him a careful stare.

He fell silent then. I offered him a bottle of water or a snack of some sort, but our session hadn’t been intense enough to really warrant much of that. He seemed happy just to sit in companionable silence, and that was fine by me. He settled in closer to my side, and I finally gave in to that urge to run my fingers through his hair. It was just as deliciously soft as I had imagined.

“How are you feeling, then?” I asked softly, almost hating myself for breaking the silence. “Other than, obviously, being a little sore.”

He looked thoughtful, then sighed. “Same as I’ve felt for a while. Not really bad, but not good either. Just… here.”

“I see,” I replied, but I didn’t really. Somehow I knew he still wasn’t being fully honest with me, but I didn’t feel it was the right time to call him on that. Given time of his own to accept that I wasn’t here to judge him, perhaps he would open up.

After a moment, he seemed to relax a bit more. Not meeting my eyes, he said softly, “I… I work with the person.”

“Oh, I see,” I replied, trying to sound casual. Whether Zac realized it or not, even this little admission was a big deal. He had hinted, although not specifically said, that he was some sort of musician. While I doubted that dating a coworker in a touring band was frowned upon the way it was in a traditional office setting, I could still see how it would be awkward. “That would definitely make your thoughts… inappropriate.”

He nodded, but didn’t speak.

“Does this… person… know?” I asked softly. I had noticed how he never used a pronoun for them, and I didn’t think that was an accident. There was, I had noticed, no ring on his hand, nor any sign of a tan line where one might have been.

He closed his eyes, brow furrowing slightly, and nodded.

“Ah…” I sighed out, seeing the situation just a bit more clearly. “Well, I’m not your therapist, Zac, but I certainly have my ways of helping you deal with those… thoughts.”

He gave a hint of a smirk, and I was pleased that we had lightened the mood a bit.

“Now…” I said, returning his smirk. “I’m assuming these _thoughts_ are sexual, hmm?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Zac replied softly.

I nodded, unsurprised. “And I’m guessing they aren’t just thoughts, are they? I mean, thinking isn’t all you’re doing.”

“No, ma’am,” he replied slowly, but I was sure he knew where I was going with this, and I was sure it was exactly what he wanted and needed.

“Well, we can’t have that, can we? That’s definitely naughty.”

Zac swallowed hard.

“So, shall we set another rule? Next time I see you, I’m going to ask how many times you’ve _thought_ about that person. That, along with any other misbehaviors, will determine your punishment. Does that seem fair?”

He nodded. He seemed to want to play innocent and nervous, but I wasn’t fooled by it. This was just part of the game for him.

“Good.” I smiled. “And don’t expect me to be so gentle on you next time. You know, since you said you could handle it.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied. Beneath his smirk, I could see a hint of sincerity when he added, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied. “I think we’re going to have fun together, Zac.”

He smile. “I think so, too.”

I led him out of the house then, collecting his cash payment and reminding him to call to schedule his next appointment. This was, after all, still a job, no matter how different he was from my usual clients. Zac seemed harmless enough, I thought, as I watched him walk down the driveway to his truck. Yet I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had gotten in just a little bit over my head with him.


	4. Chapter 4

Nov. 17, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

**_Scott_ **

I took one last look over the bedroom, making sure everything was in place. Tay had been here for a couple days, but we hadn’t had any real ‘play’ time yet. That was about to change, though. I’d made the bed with a new set of black satin sheets, and the room was dimly illuminated by a few candles, one of which was a red pillar candle bought specifically for what I had planned. There was a leather strap draped over the footboard, as well as a few scarves I’d swiped from Tay’s suitcase. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind, considering my intentions for them. 

Once I was sure everything was just right, I called to Tay through the closed door. “Okay, come on in.”

“Okay…” He pulled the door open just enough to poke his head in, then took a few careful steps into the room. He was probably playing up the submissiveness for my sake, or maybe he really was that nervous. Either way, it just made me that much more excited. I smiled for a moment, then crossed my arms over my bare chest.

“Strip down, then lay face-down on the bed.”

I could see the smile tugging at his lips, but he resisted the urge to give in to it as he did what I told him… as slowly and teasingly as possible. I narrowed my eyes at him, tapping my foot. 

“Hurry up,” I snapped, and he quickly shed the rest of his clothes. “Really trying to earn it, are we?” I murmured as he passed me on his way to the bed.

“Hmm… maybe…” He threw me a coy smirk as he settled onto the bed. I kept my eyes on him as I touched each of the scarves before deciding on one. 

“Yeah, well careful what you ask for, babe. Head up.”

He leaned up quickly, his eyes and smile both widening as he followed my movements. 

“Someone’s eager,” I chuckled as I wrapped the scarf over his eyes like a blindfold, tying it snugly behind his head. I checked to make sure it wasn’t too tight, then leaned in to whisper in his ear. “It’s not really punishment if you want it, you know…”

“Is it really such a bad thing that I want it?” he replied, grinning and trembling just a little.

“Not really.” I grabbed another scarf and let it trail lightly over his skin. Of course he wanted it; we had discussed this earlier, and chosen a suitable safeword. I would never want to actually hurt him, or do anything against his will; any hesitance on his part, or forcefulness on mine, was all just part of the game, and we both knew it.

“And you’re one to talk… about _me_ being a tease…” His voice was trembling along with his body now; I lived for that sound, for the proof that his desire was stronger than his self-control.

“That’s my job, though.” I grabbed his wrists and tied them behind his back with the second scarf. He struggled half-heartedly against his bonds, wriggling his hips in a way that was almost too distracting. I ran a finger down the line of his back, then gave his ass a light tap.

“Hold still. You’re gonna really have to trust me, Tay,” I said in a softer tone. “You can do that, right?” I reached for the last two scarves, trailing them over the back of his legs.

“Of course.”

“Good.” I allowed myself to smile for a second at the layers of meanings, not lost on either of us, then focused on the task at hand. I tied each of his ankles to the posts at either side of the footboard, spreading his legs and giving me a spectacular view. “You look so _pretty_ like this, you know,” I told him as I walked over to the nightstand. I ran a hand through his hair, and his head involuntarily turned in my direction.

“Thank you,” he replied with just a bit of a smirk.

I picked up the red pillar candle carefully. This was a first for both of us, though I’d thought about it for a long time. I held the candle up and let a couple drops fall onto my own arm; I winced slightly at the warmth, but it was tolerable. I stepped back over to Tay, holding the candle out.

“But I think it needs… something. You did say red was your favorite color, right?”

“Mhm, it is.”

“Good.” Without further warning I tipped the candle slightly, letting a bit of the melted wax drip onto his upper back. He gasped and twitched in response, his back arching. “Hold still,” I warned, letting a little more wax fall. “So pretty…”

“Th-thanks,” he said his voice breathy. “S’not easy to stay still when you’re doing… that… you know,” he added with a slight whimper.

“That’s the idea. But you’re just gonna have to try.” I tipped the candle again, this time further down his back. The bright red wax splattered against his kin, the shade of crimson almost startling against the porcelain backdrop. 

“I’ll… I’ll try my best,” he gasped, and I could see his muscles tensing with the effort.

“You’d better.” I swirled a finger in the cooling wax, dripping a bit more over his lower back. He gasped again, the sound morphing into a low moan. “You like that?” I asked, tracing his spine with my finger, stopping just shy of his ass.

“Mhm…” He let out a whimper as I let a few more drops of wax fall on each cheek. He yelped at that, straining against his bonds but trying not to move otherwise. He was trying so hard for me, and it didn’t go unappreciated. Still, I had my role to play as much as he had his, not that I was complaining about either.

“I said, hold still.” I gave his ass a slap, the half-melted wax rippling slightly.

“I’m trying to,” he whined, turning his head in my direction.

“You talkin’ back to me?” I dripped some wax on his upper thighs, being extra careful with my placement. I didn’t want to cause any actual damage, but I had to up the ante somehow.

“N-no… not at all…”

I ran a hand up his thighs, barely brushing between his legs. He trembled slightly.

“That’s better,” I cooed. I brushed my thumb against his entrance, barely pressing. “See? You be a good boy, you get rewarded.”

“Mhm… I see.”

I pressed my thumb into him slowly, while simultaneously dripping wax just at the base of his spine. He yelped loudly, arching his back and thereby forcing my thumb deeper.

“God, Scott!”

I fingered him slowly, leaning down to blow on the cooling wax; he cursed and moaned, music to my ears. My own desire had been building up this whole time, and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out, let alone him. I replaced my thumb with two fingers, dripping more wax over his ass.

“Scott,” he moaned. “Please…”

“Please what?” I asked, but all I got back was an incoherent string of moans and whimpers. “That’s not an answer,” I teased, chuckling.

“Just… you… Need you, Scott…” he panted out his response.

“Need me, huh?” The truth was I needed him just as bad, but I couldn’t resist drawing out the suspense just a little longer. I twisted my fingers inside him, making him whimper. 

“Y-yes…”

“Oh, but we’re just getting started.” As I pulled back and stood up, he let out a pitiful whine. “What was that now?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and reaching for the leather strap.

“N-nothing?”

“Nice try, but I don’t think so.” I let the strip of leather lay against his ass, just so he knew it was there. “See, you’ve been doing an awful lot of talking tonight.”

“Sorry,” he said quickly, trembling head to toe.

“Not yet you’re not.” I lifted the strap, but hesitated, keeping totally silent and still for a moment. He trembled harder, but as I held steady, I waited for him to let his guard down, just a little. When he did, I chuckled, then brought the strap down across his ass. He yelped loudly, his back arching. I smacked him with it a few more times, adding a couple slaps to his thighs for good measure.

“I’ve been getting soft with you,” I told him between strikes. “Letting you forget who’s in charge around here. Who’s in control. Who’s the master, huh? Is it you?”

“You… It’s you, Scott, not me.”

“Damn right.” I brought the strap down one last time, then tossed it aside and ran my hands over his reddened skin. He let out a soft moan as I gently massaged him. I leaned over him, practically laying on top of him, and whispered in his ear. “You’d do anything for your master, wouldn’t you?”

“Of… of course…”

“Anything, huh?” I said, smirking.

“Anything… anything you want me to do.”

I smiled softly for a second. I still didn’t know what a creep like me had done to deserve someone like him. But those were thoughts for another time, so I shook them off as I untied his hands and feet.

“Make me feel good,” I told him, sitting back. He turned his still-blindfolded face towards me, tilting his head like a confused puppy. I rolled my eyes and removed that scarf as well, but all I got was another blank stare. I knew he wasn’t _that_ blonde, so I went back into full Dom mode and grabbed his hair, yanking his face towards my boxer-clad crotch. “Get the idea now?”

He yelped and dug his fingernails into the sheets to brace himself with one hand, but tugged my boxers down with the other. He wasted no time taking me into his mouth all at once, bobbing up and down eagerly. 

“That’s it,” I said, loosening my grip on his hair slightly. I let my eyes fall closed as I muttered words of encouragement. One thing was for sure, he was damn good at sucking dick, and based on his moans, I was pretty sure he enjoyed it just as much as I did. I ran a hand up and down his back, lightly picking at the dried wax. He let out another moan, rolling his hips against the mattress. The overall image was easily the hottest thing I’d ever seen, and I’d seen some seriously hot shit.

“That’s it, get up here,” I growled, pulling him into my lap. I teased him with my fingers for a moment, unable to resist just a little more dominance. “You want it, Tay?”

“God, yes,” he whimpered. I gripped his hips and dug my nails into his thighs, driving up into him in one thrust.

“Fuck!” He cried out, throwing his head back. Beads of sweat were already beginning to form on his neck.

“Yeah, that’s right. Ride it, Tay.” I sunk my teeth into his neck, lapping up the salty sweet taste of him. 

He panted and writhed against me, wrapping his arms around my neck as he found a good rhythm. I leaned back a little and stared up at him with a smirk.

“God you’re fucking hot. You ever think of doing porn?” I teased. He let out a breathless laugh, rolling his hips harder. 

“Sure, if the music thing doesn’t work out for me.”

“Hell, even if it does.” I paused to run a hand up and down his chest. “Pretty sure your fans would pay a fucking mint for a video of this,” I added, thrusting up against him.

“You wanna let them watch?” He threw his head back, either from pleasure, laughter or both.

“If it means they know who you belong to, sure.” I gave him a wicked smirk; I wasn’t even kidding, not really. 

“You, Scott,” he replied, his tone softening to almost a whisper. “You know I’m yours.”

I let the emotion sink in for a moment. Even in the midst of a highly erotic scene, the love he felt for me, and I for him… it was inescapable. I had never experienced that before, the way the emotional side of things didn’t get in the way of the sexual, but actually made it _better_. I leaned forward suddenly, pushing him onto his back and pinning him.

“Damn fucking right you’re mine,” I growled, thrusting hard against him.

“Fuck, yes… All yours, Scott…” Tay moaned loudly, his head rolling back. I caught him in a kiss, lacing our fingers together; he held on tightly, moaning against my mouth. For some reason it was our intertwined hands, the least sexual thing we were doing, that pushed me over the edge. I growled as I came, holding tight against him; a moment later I felt him hitting his own climax.

“Fuck, that was good.” I leaned my head against his shoulder, panting for breath, my head throbbing from the sensory overload.

“Mhm,” Tay panted, trembling and breathless. I pulled back after a moment and smiled down at him.

“Love you. So. Fucking. Much.”

“You know I love you, too.”

I gave him a gentle kiss, then lay back next to him, chuckling. “Really should make a porno, though.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Not one that anyone but you would get to watch, anyway.”

“Oh, I can think of at least _one_ other person who might be allowed to see it,” I said with a wink and a nudge. “Keep it in the family?” I added when he raised an eyebrow.

“Oh,” he groaned, rolling his eyes and blushing. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s _exactly_ what would help mend things with him…”

I chuckled, then pulled Tay into my arms. It was a bit of a jerk thing to say, so I had to fix it somehow. “It’ll be okay, babe. You’ll see. You guys are strong…” I felt my smile fading as troubling thoughts formed. Maybe if our bond had been stronger… or maybe it really was just all my fault.

“I just… I know it could be so much worse, I do,” Tay said, curling into my side. “And I wish… I dunno, I wish there was something I could do about you and your brothers, too.”

“S’not your problem,” I replied, shaking the frown away. “Nothing to be done, really. Not at this point.” I gave him a smile, once again thanking whatever luck I had. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” I poked the tip of his nose and got a smile, however weak.

“But you know me. You know I’m going to worry. It’s kinda what I do.”

“I know babe, I know.” I pulled him closer and nuzzled his neck. I was still in the afterglow, and didn’t want any negative thoughts bringing me down. But the can of worms was open, at least a crack. 

_Was_ there a way? I hadn’t thought so, not for years. But with the walking ray of sunshine next to me, maybe… I shook my head and closed my eyes, kissing the edge of Tay’s jaw. For right now, he was here, and that was all that mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

Nov. 19, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

**_Zac_ **

Lily wasn't what I expected at all; I had never had a real Domme before, so it wasn't like I had much to base those expectations off of, but still. She was curious, almost nosy even, but I guessed it was just part of the deal. If you want to break something, or someone, it helps to know how it, or they, work first. 

I tried to think about her and our first session, instead of the mess that was the rest of my life. Tay still hadn't come home, and it had fallen on my shoulders to cover for him… again. As I sat on my couch listening to Nat cry on Kate’s shoulder, I so desperately wanted to rat him out. But I knew that would only make things worse, for everyone, so I kept my mouth shut and pretended I was tied to a bed halfway across town. 

I could almost hear him calling out my hypocrisy. But, as I pointed out in my mental argument, there was a big difference between our situations. I wasn’t dating someone else; I was paying a professional for a service, and not even a sexual one. Well… at least I wasn't _having_ sex. 

Anyway, Kate and I had always been open with each other about our relationship. It might not have been the healthiest in other areas, but we could at least say that much. We just didn't feel the need to broadcast every little bump in the road the way Taylor and Natalie had. There was probably a moral in that somewhere, something about being open with the right people. 

It was a couple days later when I was finally able to escape. The ladies had wine, ice cream and a stack of tear-jerker dvd’s, and I was all but shoved out the door. Suited my needs just fine, I decided, as I sped down the highway to meet my Mistress. 

I found myself excited, almost giddy. Last time I'd been on my best behavior, testing the waters. This time I wanted to see how she handled me at my worst, or at least my not-best. Tay had told me once I was a difficult sub to work with. I wanted to see if Lily agreed.

“Good evening, Zac,” Lily said as she opened the door.

“Hey.”

“That’s not a very polite greeting, is it?” She raised an eyebrow, but I just shrugged and stepped past her. This was going to be fun. “Well then. We’re off to a fine start tonight, aren’t we?”

“What can I say? I’m in a good mood.” I dropped onto the couch, resisting the urge to put my feet up on the coffee table; I was misbehaving, not rude. She stood in front of me, hands on her hips. 

“I was thinking we would actually get right down to business tonight. But I have a feeling you have plenty to tell me about how naughty you’ve been since the last time I saw you.”

I smirked wider, despite the slight pang I felt as I was reminded just why I needed this.

“Shall I rephrase that as a question then? Have you been behaving, Zac?”

“Nope.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Which rules have you broken?”

“Which one’s _haven’t_ I broken?” I replied with a snort. I was getting to her, but she seemed to be handling herself well enough… for the moment.

“That’s not what I asked,” she said, her tone stern and her posture stiffening.

“Let’s see, what were they again?” I cocked my head and pretended to think for a moment, even though I knew perfectly well what they were. “Oh yeah. No hanging my head, no rolling my eyes, make eye contact… and no jerking off?” I paused to chuckle. “Yeah, I’d say that’s broken to bits.”

“Good to know,” she said, crossing her arms. “You’ve definitely earned what I’ve got planned for you, then.”

I grinned wider. Whatever she had in mind, I could take it, and gladly would.

“Let’s get right to it, then.” She turned and led the way to the play room. Just to top things off, I started whistling as we walked down the hall. “No whistling,” she said over her shoulder.

I chuckled before I could stop myself.

“I’m sorry,” she said, spinning to face me, “did I say something funny?”

I felt my smirk falter for a second. So she really did mean business after all. 

“That’s better.” She turned and walked the rest of the way, opening the door to the play room. The setup was different this time, a drop cloth over the bed and a small table beside it, with a lighter and a few different-colored candles. 

“Have you played with wax before, Zac?” She asked, and I could hear the smirk in her voice.

“No ma’am.”

“Good. I was hoping it would be something new for you.” She stepped into the room and over to the bed. “You can keep your underwear on this time, but everything else needs to come off. Then lay down on your back.”

I nodded and stripped down, taking my time. This was something I hadn’t expected, and it had me excited, but a little nervous, too. I lay down and watched as she lit a few of the candles.

“Now, this is definitely going to hurt. But I think we can agree that you’ve earned it, yes?”

“Yes ma’am,” I said in an overly saccharine tone. She glared at me for a second, then picked up a lit candle and began eyeing my body. I must’ve looked nervous, because when she looked at my face her own expression softened a bit.

“And of course, feel free to use the safe word if you need to. But I think you’ll be fine.”

I gave a smug grin, wanting to look brave and push another button or two. It worked, judging by the eyebrow she raised as she slowly tipped the candle over. A few drops of bright pink wax fell onto my chest, the heat stinging sharply as soon as it hit my skin and making me hiss.

“Fuck!”

“Did you forget another rule?” She said as she smirked down at me. “No speaking unless you’re spoken to.”

“Yes’m,” I replied through gritted teeth.

“That’s better.” She smiled as she moved the candle down my torso, letting a few more drops fall. I tensed up, and felt a low growl rumble through my chest. I glanced up to see if she’d heard. She had.

“Now Zac… you know you shouldn’t break the rules if you can’t handle the punishment.” A few more drops of wax hit my chest, this time dangerously close to one nipple. I tensed up further, but managed to stay silent as she treated my other side the same. “And you’ve certainly been bad, haven’t you? Haven’t had a single pleasant thing to say since you got here, that’s for sure.”

“No ma’am.”

“And you were bad before you got here, too, weren’t you?” She moved the candle again, lower this time.

“You know me.” I eyed her, curious how she’d respond to that. 

“Do I?” A sting of pain hit my abs as she stared at me, one eyebrow gracefully arched.

“Y-yes, ma’am. I mean… I was bad.”

She grinned at that, and let more wax fall around my stomach. “How bad were you?”

I swallowed hard, and closed my eyes. In the past few days, I’d been forced to listen to Natalie whine and cry about how she was ‘losing Taylor’. As if she ever really had him to begin with, but that was a whole different story that was frankly none of my business. But of course, hearing his name every five seconds didn’t exactly help my mental state, either.

“Very.”

“Thinking about that person again?” This time, I felt the heat near the patch of hair beneath my abs, just at the waistband of my boxers. I sucked in my stomach, breathing a little more shallow.

“Y-yes ma’am.”

“Now, you knew that would earn you a punishment… just couldn’t resist, though, could you?”

I could only shake my head at that, torn between focusing on the pooling heat and on the thoughts I was trying to fight off.

“That’s what I figured. Not nearly as well behaved as you seemed at first, hmm?” Thankfully she moved the candle back up my torso, and I let out a slight sigh of relief.

“L-looks can be deceiving,” I said, trying to regain my composure. I was getting used to the heat now, and I had to admit, the pain was giving way to something else.

“Indeed they can.” Again she let the wax fall on my chest; I licked my lips and let my eyes fall half-closed. The warmth was spreading through my body now, and I found it easier to push thoughts of Taylor aside. I watched as Lily grinned and picked up a new candle; this one was a little hotter than the last, and I moaned despite myself as the first drops hit my already sensitive skin.

“You know, I might have gone a little easier on you, but I really don’t care for your attitude with me tonight…” More wax fell onto my abs, and I moaned again, arching my back slightly. Taylor was suddenly the furthest thing from my mind.

“Yes… ma’am.”

“And it certainly sounds like you’ve been very naughty… Just how much have you been thinking about that person?

I sighed, reluctant to think about it more. “A lot.”

“Define a lot.”

I looked away; it was another rule-break, I knew, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. But when I felt a drop of searing heat directly on my nipple, I winced.

“How much, Zac?”

“Just… a lot. All the time,” I said quietly.

“I see… Well, we can’t have that, can we? Fantasizing about them all the time… touching yourself, I’m sure…” 

I gave a tiny nod of confirmation.

“I suppose I didn’t make that entirely clear. No touching yourself. Do you think you can do that for me? Absolutely no jerking off.”

I hesitated… that was asking a lot, especially for me. I’d always had an overcharged sex drive; asking me not to jerk off would be like chaining a racehorse’s feet to the floor.

“Answer me,” she demanded, dripping more wax on my abs.

“Like…” I paused, looking up a her. “ _At all_ at all?”

“Did I still not make myself clear enough?”

“Sorry… I’ll try, ma’am.” And I would, although I made no promises.

“That’s better,” she said with a smirk. “We’ll just have to keep punishing you if you keep breaking that rule, won’t we?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She switched out candles again, this time the heat ramping up a few more degrees. I tried not to make a sound, but a wave of pleasure rippled through me from the point of impact.

“And I certainly won’t tolerate this attitude problem.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry ma’am.”

“Good. You should be.” She lazily trailed the candle up and down my body for a while. I clenched my fists, but couldn’t help moaning; she didn’t seem to mind, though, only giving a tiny smile now and then.

“You’re taking your punishment very well, though,” She said after a few minutes of silence, trailing the wax across one nipple.

“I deserve it.”

“You’ve certainly earned it…”

“Yes ma’m,” I answered, my tone coming out a lot more somber than I’d intended. She let out a soft sigh, letting a few more drips fall, then setting the candle aside.

“I think you handled that punishment very well.” She trailed her hand across the cooling wax, and I felt a shiver. “But as good as all this wax looks on you, we can’t very well leave it there, can we?” She gave a tiny smirk that made me even more nervous, for some reason.

“N-no…”

She picked up a knife from the table, long and slender, with a black handle. My eyes went wide, and a grin spread across her lips.

“Now, don’t worry. I’m just going to scrape the wax off. You do need to hold very still though, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” I said, nodding.

“Good.” She sat on the edge of the bed, holding the knife steady and lightly dragging it across my chest. I shivered at the contact; the blade was cold, practically freezing compared to the heat my skin had gotten used to. She dragged the knife lower, scraping off more wax. My eyes darted up to her face in time to see her lower lip caught between her teeth. The combination of physical sensations and the expression on her face made me moan softly. Her lips curled into a smirk as she moved down over my abs, removing the last traces of wax. I couldn’t help moaning again as I felt the barest scrape of metal on skin.

“There we are then. Very good.” She ran a hand over my chest; I sighed and closed my eyes, her touch soothing. “Attitude problem aside, you did very good tonight.”

“Mhm.” After all being exposed to so many extremes, her gentle caress was taking my already keyed-up body to another level.

“Looks certainly can be deceiving,” she said, tracing her fingers over the nearly invisible pattern on my chest. “Although I'm not sure why a tattoo surprises me, with… everything else I know about you.”

I cocked an eyebrow up at her. 

“I mean, I suppose it makes sense from a… pain standpoint. But you do look fairly clean cut otherwise.”

“Kinda have to be,” I replied, shrugging. “Image is kinda important for my job.” Truthfully there were plenty of fans with tattoos, but we still tried to keep a certain family friendly, non-offensive image. I thought it was pretty dumb, considering the average age of our audience, but I was outnumbered in that. 

“Image is important for a lot of jobs. You can get dressed now if you’d like. No hurry to do anything.”

“I’m fine,” I said with a shrug. “If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Your comfort is important right now, you know.” She sat back on the bed next to me. 

“Thanks. My last Dom…” I looked away. Lily just had a way of making me feel at ease; I felt like I could be open with her, in more ways than just my lack of clothes. It was actually kind of strange, being so comfortable nearly-naked with a stranger, when I hated being even shirtless around my own family. But as comfortable as she made me feel, that didn’t make talking about what I’d been through any easier. 

“You can talk about him if you’d like. Whatever you feel comfortable saying.”

“He… he wasn’t used to being a Dom.”

“I see. It’s a difficult role to take on if it’s not your… natural inclination.”

“He was… is… total sub. I mean _total_ sub; he’s got the whole mentality. Really needs it, you know?”

“Yes, I know,” she said, raising an eyebrow. I smirked, wondering if she thought the same about me. I wasn’t like Taylor, though. Sure, I loved the pain, and I felt like I needed to be punished for things I’d said, done and imagined, but I’d never been as… submissive, I guess really was the best word for it.

“It’s certainly helpful to understand things from both sides,” she went on. “Many Doms will tell you they’d never do something to their sub that they haven’t had done to themselves first. It’s a good precaution to take, to really understand both sides. But some people… can’t handle it so well. Doesn’t make either type of person better or worse.”

I nodded, mulling over what she’d said. “Course it didn’t help that his Dom was in on it.”

“Oh, I see.” 

“Yeah… he wanted, um… my Dom, to be more… dom, I guess. To me, I mean. Gave him orders to punish me.”

“I see,” she said again, her eyes widening in surprise. “But your Dom didn’t really want to be?”

“I… I don’t know.” I frowned, trying to choose my words so that they would explain everything, without giving away everything. “He was really hard to read; he’d seem totally into it one minute, then reluctant the next.”

“I’m sure it was a difficult role for him. Especially being a dual role like that.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Of course,” she said, softer, “I’m sure it wasn’t a pleasant position for you to be in, either.”

I let my head fall, powerless to stop the memories from flickering behind my closed eyes. I heard her clear her throat as she lifted my chin.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“It’s alright,” she said with a smile. “I won’t count that one against you.”

“After that, things got… complicated.”

“Sounds like it.” She nodded, and ran her fingers through my hair gently. I leaned into her touch, feeling myself start to purr a little; I saw her eyebrow arch slightly, but she didn’t say anything.

“Um, anyway,” I started, clearing my throat. “Yeah. It got kinda heavy, so I got out.”

“Sounds like that was for the best.”

“Yeah…” I’d told myself that same thing hundreds, maybe thousands of times. But somehow, hearing her say it made me feel just a little better.

“BDSM relationships can certainly be healthy. But it requires trust and understanding.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Him and his…” I didn’t want to say the word ‘boyfriend’, even as accurate as that probably was. “Well, they have this 24/7 thing… Seems to make him happy.” And that was the hardest part, probably. He genuinely did seem happy, more than he had been in the past few years. It was hard to accept, but… maybe he and Scott were the real thing after all.

“The 24/7 thing is a good arrangement for some people. But it’s not for everyone.”

“I don’t think I could do that.” I let out a snort of laughter. “No one would want to put up with me that long.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, letting out a light, almost musical laugh. “I think you could be trained quite well.”

I cocked an eyebrow, smirking. Somehow, the thought of her ‘training’ me wasn’t all that bad.

“Everyone has a breaking point,” she continued. It’s just a matter of finding it.”

“Haven’t found mine yet.”

“I suppose that’s something we’ll have to work on, then.”

“Good.” I let my smile fall away for a moment. “I want to find my limits; I want to push them.”

“I can certainly help you with that. I take safety very seriously, but I’ll push you.”

“I haven’t found anyone yet who’s been willing to try. That’s why I wanted a regular Domme, someone who wouldn’t be afraid to go there.”

“You don’t have to worry about me being afraid,” she said with a coy smile.

“Good.” I glanced over at the table, candles still flickering, casting their light on the blade of the knife. I reached out and brushed my fingers against the cold metal for a moment. “Maybe next time we skip the candles, and start with this?”

“I think we can certainly do that.”


	6. Chapter 6

Nov. 20, 2013. The Black Cat, Los Angeles, CA.

_**Taylor** _

For much of my visit, Scott and I were hermits, barely leaving his apartment at all. I was fine with that; after weeks and weeks on the road, it was refreshing to be completely hidden away from the public. Getting to spend all of that time with Scott only made it that much better. I’d had time to try out nearly all of my best recipes on him, and I was starting to think he was serious about making me his personal chef. I didn’t mind cooking for him, but I also didn’t mind when he came back from a trip to the studio and informed me we were going out to dinner. 

He gave me no information whatsoever about our destination, just an order to make myself pretty. Given that I hadn’t packed anything in particular for this trip, I wasn’t so sure I would be able to manage that. Finally, I settled on a pair of tight jeans, a button-down shirt left partially open and a blazer I hadn’t even intended to pack. I was glad I did, though; if Scott was planning something fancy, then I might just barely pass the test. I took my time fixing my hair, dragging the process out just a bit more than necessary just to make Scott sweat it out. 

Scott might have known how to press all of my buttons, almost as if by instinct, but I was starting to figure out his, too.

Sure enough, he was practically pacing when I finally walked down the stairs. His hair was perfectly mussed, and it looked like he might have even ironed his black jeans. He’d paired them with a black shirt and leather jacket; on anyone else, it might have looked a bit try-hard, but the all black thing worked for Scott.

He gave me a long, slow look up and down, then whistled. “Lookin’ good, babe. Feeling a little outclassed over here. You ready?”

“Thanks,” I replied, feeling my cheeks heating up a bit. Of course I had tried to look good, but it was still nice to see my efforts appreciated. “But you know you look great, too. So do I get to know where we’re going or not?”

“What, you don’t trust me?” Scott asked, his grin showing that he wasn’t truly offended. “I think you’ll like it.”

I just barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Of course I trust you. I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“It’s a surprise,” Scott said, opening the front door. “Now be a good boy and get in the car already.”

As I passed, he swatted at my ass. I jumped, even though I should have expected something like that. Just to pay him back for it, I put an extra sway in my hips as I made my way down the sidewalk to where his car was parked. 

Scott didn’t say a word as he joined me, but I was sure he was planning out a litany of punishments. That was fine by me. To my surprise, though, he had a strangely sincere look on his face as he started the car.

He didn’t speak until we were on the freeway, evidently headed to something or somewhere on Sunset Boulevard. “So… really glad you’re here.”

“It’s good to be here,” I replied, smiling at him. “For so, so many reasons.”

“Seriously, though,” Scott said, placing a hand on my knee. “This week has been amazing. I can’t really… I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. Lord knows I’ve done some bad shit in my time.”

My smile fell. Scott’s words were so nonchalant, but I could hear the unspoken anguish. “So what? You think you don’t deserve anything good? I mean, I believe in karma too, but not like that.”

“Pretty sure I’ve got you beat, but whatever.” Scott’s brow furrowed, and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know all of the thoughts and memories in his mind right then. “Point is, I’m happy you’re here, and that you were willing to give me a chance. I know I didn’t exactly lay on the charm when we first met.”

“It’s not a competition, you know.” A little softer, I added, “And no, you definitely didn’t. But maybe I’m sick of people falling all over themselves trying to get closer to me. You were… different. I liked that.”

Scott snorted. “Yeah, if by different you mean a total ass. Man, you really are a sub, aren’t you?”

He gave me a smirk, but that hadn’t really been what I meant. The truth was that I had learned a long time ago to be skeptical of anyone who tried to get near me. Most of them were so transparent; they all wanted a piece of me… or a piece of my fame. 

For a fleeting moment, maybe, I had suspected Scott of that, too. But he didn’t fawn. He didn’t seem impressed by me at all, in fact. I had to work to prove my worth to him, and while that should have frustrated me, it didn’t. It made it all that much sweeter when I realized he truly did want me, and not for what I could do for him, but just for, well, me.

“Yeah, so what?” I replied, rolling my eyes slightly. “Like I said, it was a nice change. Having to actually impress someone, win them over. And not… not doubt their intentions, you know?”

“Yeah, well, you won me over pretty quick.” Scott gave me the sweetest smile I’d ever seen him make and squeezed my knee.

“Could you be any cheesier?” I smirked.

“Maybe…” He replied, a strange look passing over his face. It came and went so quickly that I wasn’t sure what I had seen at all. 

I raised an eyebrow, but Scott didn’t say a word. As we pulled up to the valet parking lot of what I assumed was our destination, I all but forgot my concerns. The restaurant was somewhat understated, but clearly expensive. I wondered just how long Scott had been sitting on that reservation, pretending it was something last minute. I didn’t dare ask, though.

“Here we are,” he said plainly as we walked inside.

“You know, I’ve never been here before,” I said, giving Scott a long look. “There’s always something new to discover in LA, isn’t there?”

He nodded, and I hoped he understood my meaning.

Los Angeles had nearly been my downfall more times than I could count. It was where I first discovered my interest in the same sex, where I did my first line and where, on a private beach we hadn’t had permission to be on, I found out I was going to be a father. 

This time, though, maybe the City of Angels wasn’t so bad. 

We were escorted to a secluded table in the corner. Scott barely glanced at the menu before ordering for both of us--steak for him, scallops for me and a drink aptly named a Suffering Bastard for each. A strange shiver went up my spine at that, but I decided not to question it. He was, after all, my Dom. I supposed having him order for me ought to have been par for the course. In any case, he ordered exactly would I would have picked for myself.

The restaurant was just loud enough to be prohibitive to anything more than small talk, but I couldn’t help trying. I asked Scott about the songs he was working on, but he was elsewhere, all but lost in his thoughts. Finally, once the waitress had brought a second round of drinks, he seemed to come to life.

“So,” he said, giving me a slight grin, “how’d you manage to get away for the whole break, anyway?”

I glanced down. I wasn’t sure if Scott wanted the whole truth, but it didn’t feel right to withhold it from him. Blushing, I replied, “Telling a needlessly complicated lie, then taking the battery out of my phone.”

“So, what, you’ve just avoided them all week?” He cocked an eyebrow in a way that was just this side of judgmental, and I was sure I deserved that and more.

“Basically,” I replied, slowly meeting his eyes.

Scott smirked and shook his head. “And what’s gonna happen when you go back?”

“I’m trying not to think about it, really. But I needed this… this time away from all of them. With you. It’s worth it.” That was the understatement of the year, only barely scratching the surface of how I felt about this stolen time with Scott. I hoped he knew what I was leaving unsaid, though.

He put his hand over mine and gave me a surprisingly sincere smile. “I dunno about that, but I’m glad you think so.”

“I mean it, Scott.” I felt my blush deepen as I glanced down at our hands. It was a risky move to even be that affectionate in public, but right then, I didn’t really care. “I know this is all… just stupidly complicated right now… but I really think this could be the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

“Same here,” Scott replied, his eyes so full of love that it took my breath away. It was fleeting, but it was maybe the most unguarded I had ever seen him. He glanced down and mumbled, “What about… Natalie?”

Natalie? Did Scott honestly think that the marriage I hadn’t ever wanted was comparable at all to what he and I shared? “Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But that’s… that’s all it is. That’s all there is between us. We’ve made it work, more or less, but it’s not what I ever wanted. And I don’t think it’s what she wanted either, if she were being honest.”

Scott nodded slowly, clearly taking his time to process my words. The hand that wasn’t covering mine ducked under the table, and I would have made a lewd joke about just what he was doing under there if he hadn’t had such a serious expression on his face.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked.

“Of course… I love you, too.” What sort of question was that? After everything, how could he still be so unsure, so convinced he couldn’t possibly deserve this? As though _I_ did?

“I mean it, though. We have our fun and shit, but like… that’s just a part of it. Yeah, it’s how we started, and it’s always gonna be a major part of who we are together. But… we’re more than that. Right?”

“Well, yeah,” I replied, my brain going a million miles an hour trying to keep up with Scott’s train of thought. It was almost enough to make me dizzy. “I mean… I wouldn’t be me, and you wouldn’t be you without that. To some degree, anyway. But it’s not the full picture--of either of us.”

Scott let out a breath and began to smile again. With a nod, he said, “Okay, so… I got you another present.”

“Okay…” I tilted my head at him. Where _was_ he going with this? Surely he hadn’t bought a collar without consulting with me first. That was too big of a step for him to decide upon without my input. No, it couldn’t have been anything like that, I reasoned.

“You don’t gotta do anything with it yet. Just… just hang onto it for now, okay?”

“O… kay.” On the other hand, maybe it was something like that. But that was ridiculous. Even with the bond we shared, after just two months, he couldn’t possibly be ready for…

His cheeks were an unusual--for him--shade of deep pink as he finally took his hand from underneath the table and placed it on the surface. When he pulled his hand away again, a small black box was left sitting on the tablecloth. 

“Scott,” I said, smiling in spite of myself. “That’s not… it’s _not_. Right?”

He glanced up at me through his eyelashes, his emotions almost impossible to read. “Like I said, I’m not expecting anything right now.”

Without a word, I placed a finger on the box and inched it closer to me. I flipped it open, part of me hoping I had misjudged entirely, but knowing that I hadn’t. Sure enough, it was exactly what I had known it would be. On a bed of red velvet rested a polished black band with a line of shimmering red running through it. It was stunning, yet somehow understated. 

Scott fidgeted in his seat, running a hand through his hair. “And if it’s not… not what you want, just…”

He trailed off in a frustrated huff, and it was absolutely adorable. I couldn’t resist leaving him hanging a bit, though; it was so rare for me to have the upper hand with him that I wanted to milk it for all it was worth. I lifted the ring out of its place and twirled it between my fingers. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Scott growing more and more impatient, and I knew I was being a little cruel.

“Please don’t,” I said. “It’s perfect. _You’re_ perfect.”

“Read the inside,” he replied, the barest hint of a smile crossing his face.

I held it closer so that I could see the inside in the restaurant’s low light. My smile grew as I read the single word inscribed inside the band. “ _Mine_.”

Scott returned my smile, but there was still a hint of something else in his expression, something almost like nervousness. I wouldn’t have thought that was even possible if I weren’t seeing it with my own eyes. 

“I am, you know,” I replied. “So I don’t know why you thought I wouldn’t be happy with this. But I… I mean, is it alright if I keep it on a chain for now? Around my neck? It doesn’t mean it means any less to me.”

To my relief, Scott nodded. “You don’t have to wear it at all yet if you don’t want to. But… I’d like it if you did.”

“I want to, I do. I just… well, you know, I’ve got a lot to sort out. But I don’t want you to think… like, I don’t want it or something. I want to wear it. For you.”

Scott stared at me for a moment, seeming to search for something in my eyes. I didn’t know what he was looking for or what he would find, but I hoped he understood that I wasn’t turning him down, if this really was a proposal. It would have been easier, in a way, if what we did was just a game, but it wasn’t. At some point, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to my normal life and leave Scott behind. I already didn’t want to.

“Tay?” He finally breathed out. 

“Yes, Scott?”

“Marry me.” There was a hint of a smile on his lips, but his voice was all Dom. 

“Is that an order?” I couldn’t resist grinning as I asked. He might punish me for it later, but I didn’t care.

Scott raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. 

“Yes, Scott. Of course… Master.”

His smile turned into something of a smirk at that, but there was love in his eyes. I realized then just how much Scott was laying on the line. He still truly didn’t believe he deserved this. 

“Did you really think I would say no?” I asked softly. “Actually, don’t answer that.”

He let out a soft chuckle, then glanced down and pulled a necklace above the collar of the shirt. A matching ring hung from the chain. “I, uh… hoped I wasn’t jinxing anything…”

“Does… does it have an inscription, too?” I smiled.

He nodded and leaned across the table, holding the ring out so that I could read it. _Yours_. Of course. I should have guessed.

“Well, it turns out you _can_ be cheesier. And I love it. And you.”

“You know I am, though… sweetheart.” His smile turned into something closer to a smirk, and I couldn’t help remembering how he’d called me that the very night we met. It was meant to fuck with me then, of course. To get under my skin. I don’t think either of us could have predicted how much he really would.

“I know,” I replied, placing my hand over Scott’s, which was tapping nervously against the table. “And thank you so much… tonight, this whole trip, it’s all been perfect.”

“Night’s not over yet. I know we’ve hand our kinky fun, but tonight… I wanna give you what you really deserve.”

“Mmm, and what’s that?” I asked, not even fighting the urge to smirk. “Because I was about to order dessert, but if you’ve got something better in mind…”

Scott leaned across the table to whisper in my ear. “I wanna make love to you.”

I grinned, my cheeks so warm that I was sure my blush could be seen all the way across the restaurant. “Who needs dessert?”

Scott waved for the check, grinning from ear to ear. 

I could only imagine the relief he felt, and I wished there was something I could do to acknowledge what a risk he had taken. Sure, this only made things more complicated, but there was no way to avoid that. If we weren’t both committed to this, what was the point? 

I had fooled around enough to know that you always get caught. Never before had it been worth the fallout. Between the wife I didn’t deserve and the desperate boys who swore they weren’t really gay, I would always choose Natalie. It was always easier to go back home to her and beg forgiveness, because I never loved any of the rest of them either. I had loved Alex, and of course I loved Zac in ways I shouldn’t have, but no one else had ever given me anything that made me feel both alive and like I couldn’t live without them. No one else had ever made me want to give up the safety net and cling to them instead.

On the surface, it might not have seemed as though Scott had so much to lose. But I knew that from where he sat, everything he had ever loved--his family, his music--had forsaken him. To put his heart on the line was the biggest risk of all for Scott. I hoped he knew that I understood that, and I wasn’t taking it lightly.

There was just too much at stake for either of us to put it all on the line for someone who wasn’t in love, someone who wasn’t committed. This wasn’t just a game; it couldn’t be. With two rings and an unconventional proposal, Scott had proven his commitment to me, and I hoped that in time I could prove mine to him.


	7. Chapter 7

Nov. 23, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

**_Zac_ **

The day of my third scheduled session with Lily, I found myself checking my watch all afternoon. If Kate noticed, which she probably did, she didn’t comment on it. Nat was over our house again, her emotions drifting between sorrow, rage and defeat. I could see even Katie was growing tired of it, but they had been friends for years, so she was used to it. 

I couldn’t even pinpoint exactly what had me so excited. Maybe it was the thought of what we’d planned, or the odd therapy that seemed to accompany the playtime. Or maybe it was just seeing Lily. She was growing on me, in more ways than one. The fact that she refused to put up with my bullshit was definitely a factor, and her looks certainly didn’t hurt either--not that I had gone into this looking for physical attraction.

I liked that she got me to open up, too. She knew how to walk the line between personality and professionalism, when to push and when to back off. It made me want to tell her more. I doubted she would be as willing to listen if she knew _everything_ , like just how close the guy I thought about all the time was. Still, I was determined to enjoy this for as long as it lasted.

I was actually rocking on my heels as I waited on her doorstep. I felt ten years younger, for better or worse, with all the energy--and all the nerves.

“Good evening, Zac,” she said when she finally answered the door.

“Evening.”

“Come on in. I’m sure you’re anxious to get started tonight, hm?”

“Yes ma’am,” I said, stepping inside.

“Good. Let’s not waste any time then.”

I tried to suppress my grin as I followed her down the hall. It was silly, being so excited for what basically amounted to a torture session. That much was made even clearer when I saw the lengths of rope on the bed, along with the same knife she had used last time. I bit my lip to calm myself.

“Well, let’s get started then. Clothes off. All of them.”

I nodded and stripped down quickly. With the way she eyed me, I should have been nervous, but I wasn’t, at least not about my nudity. 

“Someone’s anxious,” she said with a smirk. “Does that mean you’ve been bad again?”

“Yes, ma’am.” My smile fell slightly. It felt… wrong, somehow, thinking of Taylor while standing there with Lily. Like I was cheating on… one of them. It made no sense, and I couldn’t really explain it, but I didn’t like it.

“So you’ve earned this punishment, have you? Thinking about that person again?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Then you’ve _definitely_ earned this,” she said, taking one of the ropes and tying it to the bedpost. “On the bed, on your stomach.”

I nodded and did as she asked, trying to find a somewhat comfortable position. 

“I’m going to tie you up for this. You’ve got to be very still for this, so if you’re tied up, we’re taking less chances of you moving. Understand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good.” She took one of my wrists and secured it to the bedpost. “How’s this?”

I gave a tentative tug; the knot was relatively loose, and I probably could’ve pulled out of it. “You can go a little tighter.”

She raised an eyebrow, but tightened the knots. “Better?”

“Thank you ma’am,” I said, nodding.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled a bit as she tied down my other wrist. As she took her time, I found myself absently tapping my foot. 

She looked down with an amused grin. “Anxious, are we?”

“A bit.”

“Oh well. You can wait a bit longer.”

“Yes ma’am,” I sighed

“That’s a good boy.”

I tried to crane my neck to look behind me, but I couldn’t make out just what she was doing. Still, I felt the silky rope wrap around one ankle, my leg being gently tugged straight.

“That should stop you from tapping your foot, at least.”

I smirked, and deliberately tapped my other foot against the bed a couple times.

“Stop that,” she said, flicking my ankle before tying it down. “I’m serious about how still you need to be tonight, Zac.”

“I know,” I said, chuckling. I couldn’t resist messing with her a little, but I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. “I’ll behave.”

“I’m sure you will.” As she finished with the rope, she crossed around to the other side of the bed and picked up the knife. “As I said, you need to be very still. One wrong move on either of our parts, and this could get very messy. That’s not what we want.”

“Yes ma’am.” I swallowed hard, my eyes glued to the knife’s blade. 

“Good, I’m glad you understand. Okay then. Here we go.” She leaned down slowly, and barely pressed the tip of the knife against the back of my neck. My body instantly tensed up, and she backed off a little, the blade brushing against my upper back.

“Very, very still, Zac,” she said softly.

“Yes ma’am.”

She began to draw the blade down my back, the edge leaving an icy cold trail. I let my eyes fall closed, focusing on the sensation.

“I know you’ve been bad, though, haven’t you?”

“Y-yes ma’am…” My breath hitched as I fought the urge to shiver. Her voice was soft as velvet, but with an almost threatening edge to it that excited me a lot more than it probably should have.

“How bad, Zac?” She pressed the blade a little harder against my skin, and I let out a whimper, but not out of pain.

“B-bad.”

“Did you touch yourself, Zac?” She dragged the knife up and down my back in slow lines. “I’m certain I told you not to.”

“Y-yes, ma’am,” I said, moaning softly. This was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I was caught completely off-guard by just how… _good_ it felt. 

“That’s not good, Zac.” She flipped the knife so the duller edge was against my skin, but that allowed her to press even deeper, and I gasped. The tip still dug in, and even though she hadn’t broken skin, I was sure there would be marks. I wanted there to be marks.

“You’ll learn, though. You’ll be a good boy, won’t you, Zac?”

“Y-yes Mistress… I mean, yes ma’am…” I wasn’t sure where the different title had come from. I wasn’t sure of anything at that moment, other than how on fire my nerves were.

“You can call me Mistress if you’d like. Would you like that?”

“I… I think so. If that’s alright.” Something about referring to her that way did make sense; she was essentially my master at this point, at least during our sessions. It seemed like another level somehow, though, going from ‘ma’am’ to ‘mistress’. 

“That’s alright,” she said, pressing just a bit harder with the knife.

“Thank you, Mistress.”

“You’re welcome.” She brought the knife down to my lower back and I tensed up again, reflexively. “Be still. You can do it. You’ve been so good tonight, Zac.”

“Yes, thank you, Mistress. I’m trying.” I really did like calling her that, I decided. 

“You’re doing very good.” 

I felt my back arching, my hips grinding into the mattress slightly, but I fought to stay still. I had been trying to ignore it, but as she criss-crossed the lines she’d already drawn, I moaned, the result of her actions painfully obvious.

I didn’t dare look up, but I was pretty sure she was grinning as she traced lines and patterns with the knife, drawing more moans from me. A thin layer of sweat was building on my forehead; I leaned my head back, squeezing my eyes shut and panting a little.

“You’ve done very well with this punishment, Zac. I think you’ll remember this one, and you’ll be better next time, won’t you?”

“Y-yes, Mistress.”

“Good boy.” She took the knife away and I actually whimpered at the loss. I heard her place it on the table, and I turned to smile weakly at her. My whole body was trembling, still painfully on edge. She ran her fingers up and down my back, tracing the lines she’d left. I took a few deep breaths, willing my body back from the edge onto which it was currently hanging.

She reached up to untie my wrists, and the blood rushing back to the now freed skin helped distract from my main problem. I shook my hands a bit, rubbing my wrists to help circulation.

“Wasn’t too tight, was it?” she asked, brushing her fingers over the slightly indented marks the rope had left. I fought the urge to shiver again.

“Nope, I’ve had tighter.”

“Well, there’s no sense in leaving permanent marks from the ropes,” she said as she leaned down to untie one of my ankles. “But I suppose I could go tighter.”

“You’re not gonna break me.” I gave her a smirk, hoping to hide how turned-on I still was.

“I’m not? And here I thought that was the general idea…” She grinned as she got up and crossed around to untie my other ankle. “There you go,” she said, coming back up and patting me on the head. “You’re free.”

I rolled onto my side, taking a bit of the blanket with me as cover. I took a few deep breaths; I could usually calm myself when I got too excited, but I’d come dangerously close to the point of no return.

“So,” she said, sitting next to me again. “Mistress, hmm?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, propping myself up and running a hand through my hair. “Just kinda felt right in the moment.”

“I don’t usually insist upon it, but some people like it.”

“That was… good. Thanks.” It felt like an awkward thing to say, but I felt something needed to be said, at least as a distraction. Looking at her smirking at me like that wasn’t helping my efforts to cool down.

“You’re welcome.”

“So… any questions for me this time?”

“You have a problem with my questions?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not really.” I laid back, arms above my head, blanket carefully arranged. I watched her eyes widen ever so slightly, and if I flexed my arms a little… well, call it a post-session stretch. That’s all.

“Good.”

“So? Anything? I know you’re just dying to know my secrets.”

“Hmm…” She chuckled, again giving me that coy smile, the one that made her eyes sparkle. “Well, I know we’re not going to have another session for a while. But that doesn’t mean you can be a bad boy while you’re away.”

“Yes Mistress,” I said, my smile faltering. We were going back out on the road in just a couple days, and it would be another month before we got back. 

“You can be good for me, I’m sure. I’m positive you’re capable of it.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. And I’ll have plenty of time to think of some good punishments, in case you aren’t good…”

“Careful,” I said, giving her a smirk of my own. “You might make me want to misbehave.”

“That is an unfortunate side effect of being so good at my job,” she replied with a laugh.

“And you definitely are.” Was I flirting? I realized I was. But realizing it didn’t make me want to stop.

“Thank you.”

“It’s gonna be tough waiting a whole month before I get to see you again.”

“Mmm, a whole month to try to be good; yes, I suppose that will be tough.”

“I’ll manage.”

“I’m sure you will,” she said, reaching out to stroke my hair. Before I could stop myself I let out a soft purr, and she giggled. “You like that, do you?”

“Mhm,” I sighed. She pulled me a little closer, still running her fingers through my hair. 

“How’s your back feel? Sore?”

“Not too bad,” I said after shifting for a moment. I had almost cooled off, but her petting was getting me warmed up again.

“That’s good. You’ll have a few little marks, but they’ll fade.”

I nodded, closing my eyes and leaning into her touch. 

“I hope the lack of questions isn’t disappointing you tonight.”

“A little,” I answered honestly. “You can ask anything, you know; can’t guarantee I’ll answer, but you never know, right?”

“I know. Of course, if I want you to answer, you will. But right now we’re just talking.”

“Yes, Mistress,” I said with a smirk.

“Yes, I think I like that. Let’s keep that.”

I chuckled, glad to have pleased her in some small way. 

“So, a whole month, hmm? I almost feel like that calls for more rules… just to challenge you a little.”

I perked up at that, grinning wider. I didn’t know if it was the rules themselves, or the personal thought that she seemed to put into them, but either way I liked where she was going.

“Just what sort of trouble might you get into while you’re gone… hmm…” She gave me a stern look then. “Now, I realize this is a professional arrangement, and you can certainly end it any time you want. However, as long as I’m your Domme, I expect to be your _only_ Domme.”

“Of course,” I answered, matching her serious expression. The thought of going to anyone else at this point hadn’t even crossed my mind. Even if Taylor offered… well... that wasn’t going to happen anyway, so there was no point worrying about it.

“Good. I don’t want to see any bruises or marks on you that I didn’t cause.”

“Well, what if they’re work related?” I smirked again; I just wanted to make her smile. She just gave me a look though, one eyebrow up.

“I think I’ll be able to tell the difference.”

“Yes, Mistress,” I chuckled. “But if you see scars on my hands, don’t worry.”

“I won’t. Your hands aren’t really the part of you I was worried about.”

I cocked an eyebrow at that, grinning. She caught my look and cleared her throat, and I swore I saw her cheeks turn just a shade darker for a moment.

“Anyway. No one else gets to beat you while you’re gone. Got it?”

“Yes, Mistress,” I answered sweetly, catching the probably-unintentional innuendo.

“Good boy.”

“So out of curiosity, which part _are_ you worried about?” It was going to get me hit, I was certain, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Well, your back and chest are all mine, aren’t they?” She gave me a bit of a glare, but I could see I’d ruffled her feathers.

“Yes, Mistress, they are.”

“Good.” She looked away, and I had to bite my lip to not laugh.

“Everything alright, Mistress?”

“Peachy. Do you mind if we take a short break? I’m sure you’ll want to get dressed and… compose yourself.”

I cleared my throat and adjusted the blanket; I was still covered, but maybe not as well as I’d thought. I nodded and she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

As I sat up and reached for my boxers, I thought about our session. I couldn’t ever remember being that turned on, at least not by someone I wasn’t related to. I was well aware how fucked up that was, but my mind wasn’t on family ties at the moment. All I could think about was how she’d gotten to me, her voice, her touch. The knife had been even more of an erotic experience than I had anticipated, but it was _her_ that really sent it into overdrive. 

Maybe I was getting in over my head, but I had a feeling a month would be far too long to go without my Mistress.


	8. Chapter 8

Nov. 23, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

**_Lily_ **

I stood outside the playroom door, clutching the water bottles I had brought back from the kitchen for the two of us. To my surprise, I realized my hands were shaking. Closer attention revealed that the tremor went all the way through my body, from fingertips to toes. I knew there was a term for this--topspace. It wasn’t something I normally experienced, domination not being something I necessarily craved, but it made a certain sort of sense. I didn’t normally react this way when playing with a client, but using my knife was sure to cause some sort of different reaction.

Finally, I steadied myself enough to push open the door. Zac had turned loose of the blanket he’d clearly been using to hide his arousal, but had only managed to put on his boxer briefs. He sat cross-legged on the bed, drawing invisible patterns on the sheets with one finger. It was unnerving to see how quickly he switched from dangerously perfect little sub to innocent and almost childlike.

I fumbled a little as I offered him water, which he declined. I took a long sip of mine before placing the two bottles on the bedside table.

“So,” I said, taking a careful seat on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling now?”

“Alright, I guess,” he replied. His eyes were trained on me, but he seemed to be making a concerted effort to keep them blank. “Like I said, a little bummed I’ll be away for so long. It kinda sucks being stuck with the same few guys day after day.”

“This is a business trip?” I asked. We seemed to be avoiding actually talking about what his business was, so I made a point not to say the word _tour_.

“Yeah,” he replied, a thoughtful look on his face. “You could call it that.”

“So you’ll be with…” I began, lowering my voice, “that person you shouldn’t be thinking about?”

He glanced down. “Yeah, I will.”

I ran my fingers through his hair. My voice still soft, but firm, I said, “Well, then you’ll have to try extra hard to be good, won’t you?”

Zac nodded, but didn’t meet my eyes.

“You can do it, Zac. I know you can.” I caressed his hair gently, trying not to revel in how soft it was. It didn’t help that my motions put an adorable smile on Zac’s face as he leaned against me. “I know it’ll be tough, especially being around them all the time…”

“Yeah,” Zac replied. He chewed on his lip for a moment, then added, “It is tough being around… him.”

“Mhm,” I agreed, noting his choice of pronoun. He had mentioned, during our first consultation, that his previous Dom had been a man, but I hadn’t thought much of that at the time. “Seeing each other all the time… makes it tough to hide those kind of feelings, doesn’t it?”

Zac nodded, his lips curling into an adorable pout.

“Does he know how you feel at all?” I asked. We were getting into very personal territory now, which wasn’t something I was sure Zac would be comfortable with, but he hadn’t stopped me yet.

He snorted. “Yeah.”

“Oh, I see.” I wasn’t sure why that had taken me by surprise, but it had. Perhaps it wasn’t an unrequited crush.

“Remember that not-really-Dom I had?” He asked.

“Mhm,” I replied, the dots suddenly connecting for me. “Let me guess—same guy?”

“Yup.”

I ran my fingers through his hair again. “That’s… that’s not an easy situation for you at all, then, is it?”

“No…” He replied, his eyes shimmering with sadness.

“You know that new rule applies to him, too, yes?” I asked, the hint of a command belied by the hand still petting his hair.

He snorted. “Don’t worry; that ship sailed, crashed and sank.”

“Sounds like it,” I replied, surprised to realize I was frowning. Zac’s attempt at humor was only to deflect from his pain; I had learned this much about him. “But I know you might be tempted, being around him all the time…”

Zac shook his head firmly and gave me a shockingly intense stare. “No. I’m trying to move on. It’s never gonna happen, so I need to just try to find happiness… elsewhere.”

“I understand,” I replied. “I just want to make it clear that the rule applies to him as well.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he replied. His brow furrowed, and he looked just a bit lost in thought. “Do you think…”

“What?” I prodded.

“Do you think, if I get…” He began, looking uncharacteristically shy, “tempted… I could maybe call you?”

“Of course,” I replied, smiling in a bit in relief. Compared to all the possible requests a client could make, that was fairly tame. “I think it might be good for you to check in with me, anyway.”

“Yeah?” He asked, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Okay.”

“Mhm. I think maybe once a week, just to check in?” I felt my own smile growing. “But you can call anytime you’d like. Anytime you need.”

“Okay,” he replied. “I will. It’ll be good you hear your voice.”

“Good.” I couldn’t resist the urge to pet his hair again, my cheeks practically hurting from smiling so hard. When Zac nuzzled my hand like a little kitten, the smile broke and turned into laughter.

He leaned his head against my shoulder, presumably to give me better access to his hair, and I let out a sigh. Cuddling and affection had not been part of our arrangement, yet they seemed like a natural part of what aftercare with him entailed. They seemed as necessary, if not more so, for _me_ to recover from the encounter than for him. Yet when I felt him nuzzling my neck, I tensed. That was definitely not part of the arrangement.

I moved my hand to his shoulder, hoping that if I stopped, he would get the hint that it was time for him to stop, too. No such luck. I felt his nose brush against my ear, his lips grazing the skin just below it. It could have been an accident, but I wasn’t so sure.

“Well, someone’s feeling… affectionate tonight.”

“Maybe…” Zac replied softly, his voice barely more than a husky whisper.

I tightened my grip on his shoulder. “I think you’re probably still a bit… out of sorts, yeah? Tonight was intense, trying something new…”

“I feel fine.” His lips brushed my neck again, and this time I knew it wasn’t a mistake.

I nudged him back gently but firmly. “I’m sure you do, but I’m not sure you’re thinking straight, Zac.”

He paused and stared at me for a moment, then let his gaze fall. “Right. Umm… sorry.”

“It’s okay, Zac,” I replied softly. “I know when things get intense, like tonight, your emotions can kinda get away from you. I just wanna be sure that you remember that this is a professional arrangement, okay?”

He nodded, still not meeting my eyes, and lunged over the side of the bed to grab his pants.

“You don’t need to be in a hurry now, Zac.” I hoped I hadn’t embarrassed him too much. He truly hadn’t pushed the boundaries that much, and it _was_ easy to get confused in the afterglow. He didn’t need to feel so bad about it.

He paused for only a moment before stepping into his pants. He gathered up his shirt a little more slowly, but showed no signs of actually stopping.

“Zac,” I said softly but firmly. “Look at me.”

He finally met my eyes, but his were entirely devoid of emotion. Only his red cheeks hinted at any feelings at all.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Zac,” I said, keeping my eyes locked on his. “I understand what happened, but let’s try to make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay?”

He broke the stare, but nodded.

“Good.” I gave him the tiniest smile, hoping to assure him that it was, indeed, fine.

He finished doing up the buttons on his shirt, then sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. A sheepish look on his face, he said, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright,” I said softly.

He stared down, his hair falling in his eyes, and picked at his jeans.

“Zac…” I scooted closer to him. “Do you want to talk? About anything?”

He just shrugged. Given that the session was, effectively, over, I decided to let that one slide. 

“You _can_ talk to me, Zac. I know I just said this is a professional thing, but it’s still a… a close sort of relationship. If you need to talk, I’ll listen.”

He sighed deeply. “I guess I’m just tired of feeling… stuff.”

I nodded. It was a simple, in-eloquent statement, but I thought I understood. “A lot of people to turn this sort of thing to deal with that feeling.”

“I don’t want to feel anything anymore,” he said, the words almost whispered. “All it does is hurt.”

“Zac,” I said, scooting closer still and placing a hand on his thigh. “I know that’s how it feels now, but things can always change. Believe me.”

“Some things can’t,” he said simply, giving me a look that made something in my chest seem to snap.

Ignoring that feeling, I replied, “Either things change, or you do. That’s the only way to survive stuff, and Zac, you _are_ going to survive this, okay?”

He responded to that with a childish, adorable pout.

“I know it’s not easy. But you’re strong; I know you are.”

“You think?” He asked, giving me a weak smile.

“Yes. I do.”

“Thanks,” he replied, the smile growing. “Glad someone does.”

I patted his thigh. “You’re welcome.”

He glanced down, and I saw his hand twitching against his other leg. I could practically see his train of thought barreling down the tracks, and I pulled my hand back before he could touch it. It would have been a fairly innocent gesture, I supposed, but somehow it seemed so, so wrong.

“Okay, then.” I cleared my throat. “Feeling better? I know a little conversation doesn’t fix everything…”

“No…” he replied, his cheeks just a bit red but the tiniest of smiles on his lips, “but it helps.”

“Good.” I smiled at him again. There was just something contagious about his crooked smile, and I couldn’t help returning it, especially knowing I was part of the cause.

Zac stared at me, his eyelashes fluttering as his eyes drifted downward. It took a moment to realize they had landed on my lips, and though that could have been because of my smile, something told me he had other thoughts in mind. He licked his own lips, and that pang in my chest settled deep into my stomach.

“Okay, then,” I said, clearing my throat. “Umm. Should we schedule your next session for when you get back?”

“Hmm?” Zac asked, blinking rapidly. “Oh, yeah… okay.”

“Umm, no rush. Not trying to get rid of you.”

He smirked. “Not yet, huh?”

“Not yet,” I echoed. “There’s no time limit, as long as you’re willing to pay, and I’m not totally sick of you yet.”

“Not totally?” Zac asked, giving me a nudge. “So, just a little?”

“Hey, watch it,” I replied, nudging him back.

He nudged me again, harder. “Oh yeah? Or what?”

I raised an eyebrow, snapping back into my proper role. “You _really_ want to start earning punishments for next time?”

“Maybe?” He chuckled, grinning sheepishly.

“You’re something else,” I replied, shaking my head. I had dealt with so-called smartass subs before, but Zac was in a category all his own.

“That a compliment or an insult?”

I smirked. “A little bit of both.”

“I’m used to that.” Zac nodded, a smirk spreading across his lips.

“Why am I not surprised?”

He gave an exaggerated gasp. “Now that hurts.”

“Of all the things I could do—and have done—to you, _that’s_ what hurts?”

Zac nodded, pouting, but it was clear he was still playing. I wasn’t sure I liked his playful side,but if he could dish it out, so could I.

“Oh, you can handle it,” I teased.

His pout quickly turned to a proud grin. “And then some.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’ll just see about that, won’t we?”

“I hope so,” Zac replied, his tone just a bit more serious.

“Oh, we certainly will. Consider that a promise.”

“Good,” he replied, but the way his eyes trailed up and down my body was anything but.

I raised an eyebrow at that, hoping I wouldn’t have to tell him in so many words that checking me out was inappropriate. The way he bit his lip seemed to suggest that he knew he had misbehaved in some way. But when he glanced away, a soft sigh falling from his lips, I felt myself giving in.

“What is it?” I asked, almost dreading the answer.

“Nothing.” Zac shook his head. He placed a hand on my knee, his fingers twitching a bit. “Mis—Lily?”

“Yes?” I asked, trying to keep my face as blank and neutral as possible.

“Nothing.” He blinked. “Nevermind.”

“Okay… if you say so.” I was beginning to realize it was anything but okay, but I didn’t even know how to begin to address the problem, when I wasn’t even sure if the problem was me, him or both.

“It’s just…” he began, “I know I’m just a customer. Nothing to you but another paycheck. But if you need to talk, I’ll listen.”

“You are a customer, yes,” I replied, “but none of my clients are just a paycheck. It’s not really that kind of job. But Zac, you’re even less my therapist than I am yours. No offense.”

“None taken. But I don’t have to be a therapist to listen, do I?”

“I suppose not, but I don’t have anything to talk about, alright. I’m fine.” I forced a small smile to offset my words, which hadn’t been nearly as kind as I had intended them to be.

“Okay…” Zac replied, eyeing me carefully as though he were trying to find some proof I was lying. I trusted my acting abilities enough to be sure he wouldn’t know what I was thinking, but obviously he could tell that I was thinking _something_.

“I do appreciate the offer, though,” I added.

“No problem.” He gave me a genuine smile. “You… you’re alright. I like talking to you like this, when we’re not playing. It’s not what I expected, but in a good way.”

I nodded. “It’s important to have a… a good rapport with my clients.”

“We have to trust each other,” Zac agreed.

“Absolutely.” Had then there been clients I didn’t trust? One or two, perhaps. But there were always signs. There were always moments when I saw what was going to come and was able to stop things before it became dangerous… for either of us. With Zac, things didn’t seem quite so simple.

His eyes fell to my lips again, and it was clear he was making no effort to hide it. “Trust each other enough to know when it’s okay to push the limits…”

“I suppose…” I said, though I wasn’t so sure that I agreed with the direction I thought he was going. But surely he wasn’t. He wouldn’t… would he?

“Some rules were made to be broken, after all,” Zac said, a distinctly devious smirk spreading across his lips. I found that unsettled me even more than his smile.

“Some,” I agreed. “It’s important to know which ones, though.”

He nodded, leaning in just a fraction closer. The movement might have been unintentional, but I doubted it. “But when the punishment is so sweet, sometimes it’s hard to be good.”

“I suppose,” I sat flatly, my entire body tensing. I felt so tightly wound that I thought I might actually be vibrating.

Zac stared at me for a moment, and again I could see the exact trajectory of his train thought, but I was powerless to stop it. He leaned forward, his lips practically crashing into mine, yet with a clear precision.

I froze. I knew I should stop him, but I couldn’t convince any part of my body to move, not even my lips. All I could think was how soft his lips were. In spite of the occasional prickly parts of his personality, and the muscles that rippled underneath his skin when I pushed his limits, Zac was surprisingly soft in so many ways.

I was brought back to the present moment when I felt his tongue grazing my bottom lip. That was all it took to snap me back to my sense. I pulled back and stared at him, feeling myself trembling all over.

“Zac,” I said, my voice not nearly as stern as I had hoped.

He put a hand on the back of my neck and pressed his lips to mine again, this time gently but still with such clear intent that I knew he was entirely in control of his actions now.

I pried his hand off my neck and scooted away from him. I didn’t make it far before bumping into the headboard. “Now, Zac… I know you’re all about earning your punishments, but I think this is taking it too far.”

Zac just stared at me, his chest rising and falling with obvious effort and his eyes full of something I could only identify as lust.

“I think this is _definitely_ a place where we need to draw the line, Zac,” I said, making a deliberate effort not to meet his eyes. If I did… well, I wasn’t so sure what I would do, and I didn’t want to give myself the chance to find out.

“Yeah…” he said, taking a deep breath and glancing down. “You’re probably right.”

“I’m sure I am.” I didn’t feel sure of anything right then, but Zac didn’t need to know that.

“Okay.” He nodded. “I didn’t mean to take it that far, and I’m sorry.”

“I know,” I replied. In an attempt to lighten the mood a bit, I added, “But you know you’re already racking up the punishments, yes?”

He gave me a guilty smirk. His voice low, he said, “I think I’ll be racking up some more when I get home tonight.”

My eyes widened. His words were vague, but the smirk told me that I hadn’t misunderstood at all. Was he trying to cross all possible lines? I knew he enjoyed earning his punishments, but this was getting ridiculous.

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I see you,” I replied, trying to return his smirk. In fact, I didn’t want to think at all about what he had implied—but it was too late. I could, I feared, quite accurately picture his face when—I stopped myself mid-thought, and shook my head. “You’re going to have quite a tally by then, aren’t you?”

Zac just grinned proudly and nodded.

“Horrible,” I replied. “You’re absolutely horrible.”

“Well, hey…” He said softly, leaning in closer to me, a strangely shy look on his face. “At least I won’t be thinking about _him_.”

Ignoring the very overt implication there, I gave him a stern look. “I seem to recall the rule being no jerking off at all.”

“So I’ll only be breaking half a rule.” Zac shrugged, then gave me another obvious glance up and down. “But maybe the crime’s worth the punishment.”

Before I could respond, he was on his feet and out the door, leaving me confused and breathless on the bed. This was not at all how a session with a client was supposed to end, but I had known from the beginning that Zac wasn’t the typical client. It was my own fault, really.

Somehow, that didn’t make me feel any better.


	9. Chapter 9

Nov. 27, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

**_Scott_ **

I knew this day was coming all week, but I had done my damnedest to stubbornly ignore that fact. But now it was here--Tay’s last day with me before hitting the road again. I could feel the sour mood looming, and I know it would hit me as soon as he walked out the door, but that was later. Now, I wanted to enjoy every minute with him. Which was why it had been so hard to slip out of bed, instead of curling up next to him, or maybe waking him up for round… whatever.

This week I had felt more domestic than I ever had before, but I liked it. I decided to give Tay a break from cooking, and was whipping up a batch of waffles when I heard him padding down the stairs.

“Scott?” He asked, a sleepy, confused pout on his lips.

“Morning, babe.”

“You… you’re cooking.”

“Yeah, and? I do know how…” 

“And nothing,” he replied with a tiny smile. “Just… surprised me. In a good way.”

I turned back to the stove, poking at the slices of bacon sizzling in the pan. What did he think I did when he wasn’t around to cook for me? Lucky for him I wasn’t really annoyed; his concern and shock were more cute than anything. 

“Bacon? Aww, you shouldn’t have.” He stepped closer, his grin widening.

“Waffles too,” I said, pointing to the waffle iron with my spatula. “They should be almost done.”

“Ugh, bacon and waffles? That’s it, I’m not leaving.” He gave a smirk that I returned.

“That a threat?” 

“If I could stay, I would.” His smile fell into a pout as he sighed, leaning against the counter.

“I know, babe,” I said softly, touching his arm. He moved next to me and wrapped his arms around me, leaning his head on my shoulder.

“After the tour though? I’ll be here so much you’ll be sick of me.”

“That so?” I looked at him, a little surprised. We hadn’t really talked about what was going to happen after the tour, not even after my proposal. It had been at the back of my mind all week, but I’d avoided the subject, mostly out of an uncharacteristic lack of balls.

“Mhm. I mean, you didn’t specify how long those monthly visits had to be, and now that I know you can cook…”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, ya know…”

“Good.” His arms tightened around me, and I felt a pain in my chest. I didn’t want him to go, not now, not ever. I wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his neck.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave today.” He sighed against my neck. I nudged him back, forcing him to look at me.

“I know. I do too. But you’ll back soon enough.”

“Yeah, I know… I’ll miss you, though.” He couldn’t possibly have known how good those words made me feel.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“The rest of this tour can’t go by fast enough, though…” he murmured against my lips before kissing me gently. We kissed for a moment, slowly, and I never wanted it to end. But the waffle iron dinged behind me, and I pulled away.

“Can’t argue with that. Wanna get those for me babe?”

“Sure.” He stepped aside, grabbing a few plates from the cabinet and pulling the waffles off the iron. “Mmm, these look really good.”

“Yeah, I found the recipe online, some high-class fancy site. Hope they came out okay.”

“I’m sure you did great,” he chuckled. “By the way, that apron? It’s a good look for you.”

I looked down at my apron; it was one of those ‘kiss the cook’ ones, except with ‘kiss’ crossed out and ‘blow’ scribbled above it. 

“Hey, cooking bacon in boxers is just asking for trouble.” I laughed as I plated said bacon and joined him at the table.

“That’s true. Been there; done that.” Tay giggled, eyeing me as I pulled the apron off before sitting down. I noticed Tay was wearing the ring around his neck; I smiled as I looked at it, hanging just below the lock I’d given him. Those two necklaces told the story of our relationship, or at least a part of it, how it had progressed in the short time we’d been together. I reached out and touched the ring, turning it so I could see the inscription.

“I’m not sure which one of us likes it more,” he said, blushing a little.

“You do like it though, right?”

“Yeah. Of course I do.”

“Good.” We smiled at each other for another second, then dug into our breakfast. 

“You think things are gonna be okay with Zac?” I asked after a bit. His brow furrowed, and I hoped I hadn’t completely ruined the mood.

“I… I don’t know. I hope so, but it’s probably gonna be pretty bad at first.”

I sighed heavily. Coming between him and his wife, whom he admitted to no longer loving, that I could live with. But I’d come between him and his brother. If anyone knew how damaging and painful that could be, it should have been me.

“I mean, no one’s really happy that I came out here for the week. Not that anyone but Zac knows I’m seeing you… I did text Natalie when my flight was landing, though. Gave her a little early warning.”

“She mad you didn’t come home?”

“Probably, but she has this way of being really, really nice when she’s angry. It’s kinda scary. She think’s I’m working, though. At least, she can’t really prove that I’m not…”

“Well I did put you to work,” I said, smirking and trying to lift the mood. The blush that immediately painted his cheeks was priceless.

“Yeah, well…”

“And what a job you did,” I went on, leaning closer and nipping at his ear.

“Thank you,” he giggled. Suddenly, waffles and wives were the furthest things from my mind. 

I rested a hand on his thigh and lowered my voice, whispering in his ear. “Such a hard worker. So eager to please.”

“Mhm,” he sighed out, his eyes fluttering shut. I wrapped a hand around his dick through his boxers, not the least bit surprised at how hard he was already. He groaned, his head falling back as I kissed his neck and stroked him slowly. He moaned my name, and that was all I could take. 

“Think I found something better for breakfast,” I said, pulling back and smirking.

“Oh, is that so?” He replied, his breathing ragged. I nodded and pushed my chair back.

“Breakfast in bed.”

“Sounds good to me.”

As I headed upstairs, I thought about something. Taylor had been so good to me, the perfect sub. He was more than I ever could have asked for. And it went beyond just the sex; he was good _for_ me, making me a better person. I’d never known love like I felt for him, and though part of me hated the idea of getting all emotional over a guy, a different part felt like I was really living for the first time. I wanted to show him just how much it meant to me, but words didn’t seem like enough. Proposing was definitely a major step in the right direction, but it only represented half of what our relationship was.

There was one more thing I could give him, I realized. 

“C’mere,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding Tay’s hips.

“Where, here?” He smirked down at me, then bent down so I could kiss him. It was always that way, him letting me lead. It was one of the things I loved about him; not that he was submissive, exactly, though that was obviously part of it. But it was that he trusted me so much, handing over control without even thinking.

We kissed for a minute, holding each other, but I didn’t want to drag things out, not now. I turned and tossed him to the bed, then crawled over him. He giggled softly as he hit the mattress, his eyes widening when I gave a playful growl.

“Somethin’ funny?” I asked, biting his neck and running a hand up his chest.

“Not a damn thing.”

My fingers toyed with the ring hanging from his neck. I pulled the necklace off of him, taking the ring and grabbing his hand.

“Who do you belong to?”

“You,” he answered, with zero hesitation or uncertainty.

“No one else?”

“No, no one.”

I nodded, then slipped the ring onto his finger and kissed him hard. I felt him sigh against me as he returned the kiss. I pulled back, looking him in the eye as I moved my own ring from my neck to my hand.

“Mine?” he said softly, and I felt my heart swell a little.

“Damn right,” I replied with a smirk, taking his left hand in mine and kissing him deeply. His back arched as he leaned against me, trying to be closer. I rolled to my side, flipping us so he was on top. He eyed me curiously as he kissed my neck, and I could see the questions he wanted to ask. I held his cheek, trying to keep my dominant tone.

“You said you’d do anything for your Master, right?”

“Yeah… I did. And I will.” His eyes widened a bit, and I knew the suspense of what my next order would be was probably killing him. I pulled him in for a kiss, then whispered against his lips.

“I want you to fuck me.”

“I… oh. Okay.” Taylor trembled a little, and I smiled.

“You know that’s not really an order, right?”

“Order or not, you think I’m gonna refuse?”

I rolled my eyes, and part of me wanted to smack him for the sass, but this wasn’t the time for that. “I just want you to know what this means, okay? You know me; do I look like the kind of guy that lets _anyone_ top him?”

“No, I know this is a big step for you… for us. If it’s what you want, then it’s what we’ll do.” He leaned down and kissed my jaw and neck more gently than I thought was possible, even for him. I took a breath, trying to relax and just enjoy the sensations. I stroked his hair gently as he kissed further down my chest, taking his time, his eyes never leaving mine.

I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to go _that_ slow, but the torture was a pleasure all its own. Finally, he made his way down to my hips, batting his eyelashes as he tugged at my boxers. I lifted my hips a little so he could pull them down, and as he looked at me he smiled and ran his tongue slowly across his lips.

“Fucking tease,” I muttered, smirking. He giggled, but then dragged his tongue up my length. I groaned and leaned my head back; if there was one thing Taylor was amazing at (among countless other things, of course), it was giving head.

“Fuck, you’re good at that…”

He smiled up at me, taking my dick deeper down his throat. I tangled my fingers in his hair, gripping it for a second, but stopped myself. It had to be different this time. I moved my hand away from his hair and grabbed a fistful of the sheets instead.

“Just tell me if I need to slow down or anything,” Tay said as he pulled back, reaching for the bottle of lube on the nightstand.

“Don’t worry, babe. I trust you.”

“Okay. Good.” He smiled, then poured a little lube onto his fingers. When he pressed one against me, I winced a little but tried to hide it. He watched me like a hawk as he slid his finger part way in.

“Fuck,” I hissed, biting my lip and taking slow breaths. It hurt a little, but not enough to make me want to stop. Tay pressed his other hand on my hip, steadying me as he slid his finger into me fully. I felt my back arch off the bed and I let out a sudden breath. My fists tightened, the knuckles blanching, and Tay held still. The hand on my hip held me tight, his thumb circling against my skin slowly. After a few seconds of forcing myself to relax, I gave Tay a nod. He slowly began thrusting, while also taking my cock in his mouth again.

“Ooh, fuck…” As good as his finger felt inside me, having him fuck me with it was ten times better, and feeling him suck me off at the same time just added to it. He smiled around my dick a little as he picked up the pace. I reached down to stroke his hair, forcing myself to keep a gentle touch. I was breathing heavier, my head swimming as I tried to focus. I felt him press a second finger against me, and he raised an eyebrow up at me.

“Yeah,” I panted, nodding. I wanted more, I wanted _him_. He slid the second finger in with the first, thrusting both of them. When he moved his head lower to lick at my balls I let out a loud moan, my hips bucking a little.

He stared up at me, his eyes lit with a fire I’d never seen in him before. I wondered if that was how I looked to him when I was taking him. I liked it.

“Fuck, Tay…” I bit my lip hard as I rocked my hips against his hand.

“Just say when,” he purred, his lips curled in a prideful grin. My first instinct was to remind him of his place, but right then, that _was_ his place. I’d given him the reins, and I couldn’t fault him for taking them.

“Driving me fucking crazy here, I hope you know that…” I let my head fall back to the bed, gripping at the sheets again.

“Thank you,” he chuckled, his cheeks pink.

“Pretty sure that’s my line right now.” I squirmed against his thrusts, it was good but not enough. I wanted him to fuck me, more than I’d ever thought I wanted to be fucked, but what he was doing with his fingers felt so good I didn’t want that to end either. “God, Tay, just… just don’t stop, okay?” 

He chuckled again, curling and thrusting his fingers, and running his tongue teasingly slowly up my dick. I cursed and writhed, rocking my hips and staring down at him. I didn’t care how needy I looked right then, how completely not-Dom I was acting.

“Tay… please…”

“Yeah?” Tay pulled back and crawled over me, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. I held his face and kissed him deeply, then looked at him. “Okay… yeah. Ready?” He pulled away just far enough to grab the lube, pouring some onto himself and moaning a little as he rubbed it in.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding. I had been kind of vague before, and we had never really talked about my history, but it needed to be said. I needed him to understand exactly what I was offering him. “You know you’re the only guy who’s ever gotten to do this, right?”

He paused, his hand still on his own dick. “No, I… no. Wow. Okay.”

“I know that’s kind of a lot to put on you, but I wanted you to know.” I looked up at him, smiling a little. “First, last, and only, far as I’m planning.”

“No, that’s… That means a lot to me, Scott. Really.”

I nodded, and pulled him down for a kiss as he lined himself up. “All yours, babe.”

He smiled down at me, carefully thrusting the first couple inches into me. My eyes shut and my back arched, every muscle tightening.

“Holy fuck…”

“I’m gonna assume that’s good,” Tay said, smiling proudly and thrusting deeper in. I wrapped my arms around him, moaning louder and cursing. He grinned wider, placing his hands on either side of my head and thrusting all the way in.

“Fuck…” I bent my knees and rocked my hips against him. I had never felt so stretched, so full, but so… good. I was on fire, that carnal thrill I got whenever I topped someone multiplied beyond count. I let out a laugh, just to break the tension. “No wonder you like this so much…”

Taylor laughed as well, rolling his hips to match my small movements. I hissed a little and gripped his arms. It was a tease, and I couldn’t take much more.

“Tay, just… fucking _please_.”

Finally, he braced himself and started really thrusting. I moaned, growled even, as I was filled over and over again with his cock.

“Fuck,” he moaned, biting his lip. “You feel so… so good, Scott.”

“Yeah, you too babe. God…”

He sped up, leaning his head on my shoulder. I kissed his jaw, turning his face so I could kiss him deeply. I felt his hand snake between us and wrap around my dick, stroking in time with his thrusts. I wrapped my arms around him, my fingers digging into his back. I was starting to break a sweat, but I didn’t care.

“Love you so much, Scott,” he panted. “So fucking much.”

“Love you,” I echoed, letting my head fall back. “ _Need_ you.”

“You got me, Scott. All of me.” He slowed down, but thrust deeper, harder into me, and I started to see stars. 

“Same. More than anyone’s ever had. More than I’ve ever wanted to give.” I pressed my left hand against his chest, over his heart, and I could feel it racing. There wasn’t any separating the physical from the emotional anymore, and really, there never was for us. Our entire relationship, the two sides had always been intertwined.

“Oh, Scott…” His eyes went glassy as he rested his head on my shoulder. I closed my own misty eyes as I felt him touch my cheek, kissing me with a tenderness that should have contrasted how hard he was fucking me, but somehow didn’t.

“So fucking good to me,” I whispered against his lips. I hadn’t even meant to say it out loud, but he deserved to hear it.

“You deserve it, Scott,” he said, his voice low and his thrusts deep and intense. “You do. So good to me, too. You deserve… everything.”

“Bullshit. Just got lucky,” I started to say, but he put a finger over my lips and shook his head. I grabbed his hand and held it over my heart. “Just… you make everything better. You make _me_ better.”

“Love you so fucking much, Scott.” A tear rolled down his cheek as he held me tight, his hips speeding up again, making me moan.

“So fucking much. God, babe. I’m so close.”

“Me too, Scott.” He wrapped his hand around my dick again, bringing me closer to the edge. I wrapped one hand around his arm, and tangled the other in his hair.

“Fuck… Take me there, Tay.”

“Come on, Scott,” he urged, trembling as he brought me to my climax. My back lifted off the bed, my limbs shaking as I came all over his hand and both our stomachs.

“Fuck… Taylor…”

He echoed my moan, digging his fingernails into my hip as he came a moment later. The sensation made me moan and shake all over again, my grip on his arm tightening.

“Fuck,” he sighed as he collapsed against me. “That was…”

I nodded, holding him and stroking his hair as I tried to catch my breath. “Best feeling ever?”

“I’m just… fuck.” He let out a relieved laugh, and I had to join in. “Really, though,” he said after a moment. “I know how big of a deal this was. And I guess I should say thank you. For trusting me this much.”

“You know I do,” I said, my eyes tearing up again from the emotional and physical overload. “Might be crazy, but that’s been our M.O. since day one, hasn’t it?” I let out a sigh and stroked his hair, kissing the top of his head. “I meant it, though. First, last… only.”

“I know. And I’m not… I’m not taking any of this lightly, I swear. I know it’s not simple now, and it’s probably going to get even more complicated, but I need you to know I’m in this just as much as you are.”

I looked down, letting his words sink in. Who cares if we’d only been together a couple months? We loved each other, wholly, and that was what mattered. I played with the ring on his finger, twisting it.

“Not a bad way to spend our last day together,” he said, watching me. I felt my smile fall, not really because of the reminder, but other things on my mind, other things he made me think about.

“There were times when I wasn’t sure I’d live to see thirty,” I told him. “The idea of a future, period, let alone with someone…” I gave a sad laugh, then looked up at him. At the man I loved. “You changed all that. I want a future. With you.”

“And you’ll have one. I promise.” He smiled sweetly at me for a few seconds, but then his expression turned more playful. “But how about _right now_ you have breakfast with me? Even if we do probably have to reheat it…”

“Sure thing, babe,” I said, grinning. “But this time… _you_ wear the apron.”


	10. Chapter 10

Nov. 28, 2013. 78th St., Tulsa, OK.

**_Zac_ **

In case this week hadn’t been enough of an emotional roller coaster, Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family was sure to bring on a whole new level of awkward. Especially since Taylor was still a no-show, even by the time Dad was carving the bird. His absence was like a dark cloud hanging over everyone’s heads, even those who had no idea what it meant. But to those who did know, or at least had a hint… Well, when it came to Natalie, the family’s general plan ranged from walking on eggshells, to straight-up ignoring her.

It had been a rough week on everyone, to say the least, and I had kept to myself for the most part. But the night before the big day, Kate and I sat down and had a serious talk. We had been dancing around it for a while, both of us knowing what would fix our situation and what wouldn’t, but this was the first time we laid it all out for each other. It felt good, way more than I had expected it to, and by the end of it we were in a better place than we’d been in a long time. It felt good to have at least one weight off my chest.

After dinner, the kids and siblings all went outside to burn off the excessive amounts of calories we’d just consumed. I looked at Kate, and she nodded; this was part of what we’d talked about. Part of me wished Taylor was there, but he was still M.I.A. Kate cleared her throat and tapped her spoon against her coffee cup, getting everyone’s attention. I took a step closer to her, and braced myself.

“Hey guys,” I spoke up, once everyone was looking our way. “So, we’ve got something we wanna tell everyone.” I noticed Natalie crossing her arms and looking suspicious; apparently she hadn’t been clued in, but that really wasn’t too surprising. Even though she and Kate had been best friends since grade school, I knew Nat had really been wearing Kate’s patience over the past week. Not only that, but everyone in our family knew Nat loved to gossip, so a secret never stayed that way long once she was in the loop.

“Kate and I… Well, I mean… when we met, we were both so young. And… and it’s been a long time. It’s been… good.” I took a deep breath. I wasn’t usually this bad with words, but when it comes to relationships and private matters, I’ve always been pretty tight-lipped. But Kate gave me an encouraging smile, and I tried again. 

“What I mean is, people grow, and… and change. And that’s not a bad thing. But…” I looked at Kate again; I could do this. But as I opened my mouth to continue, Viggo burst into the room, screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!”

Every head turned toward the door. Sure enough, Taylor came stumbling in, Willa clinging to one of his legs, and his two oldest kids following behind. He looked a little dazed as he looked around the room, his eyes landing on his wife’s last.

“I, um… My… my plane was delayed. Happy Thanksgiving?”

I felt my fist tighten around my glass. I watched as Kate looked at Taylor, then Natalie, then Taylor again, before taking a step back and sighing. She glanced at me and gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. So much for our big announcement… 

As for Natalie, if looks could kill, Taylor would’ve been six feet under the moment he walked through the door.

“So nice of you to join us,” she said, her voice dripping with sickly sweet venom as she nodded towards the kitchen. I took a tiny bit of satisfaction knowing he was about to get ripped a new one, but it wasn’t enough to make me any less furious with him myself.

Everyone decided to play dumb, putting on awkward smiles and picking up their conversations wherever they had left off. Kate got pulled into a discussion with Nikki, and I took the opportunity to sidestep closer to the kitchen door. I could hear hushed voices, mostly Natalie’s.I glanced around, before taking another step closer, leaning against the wall. From my vantage point I could see them standing in the center of the kitchen, Natalie up in Taylor’s face.

“Alex,” she spat, crossing her arms. “Who do you think I mean?”

“I can honestly say there is not a single text from Alex on my phone,” Tay replied, grinning smugly. Natalie looked like she wanted to slap him, and right then I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.

“So you’ve found another boytoy,” she spat out. “That’s great. That’s fine. Have your fun on tour, and see if I care. But you take one more step over the line, and let your, your--little obsession--affect our family again, affect our _children_ again, and I swear--”

I felt my eyes go wide; I’d never been Nat’s biggest fan, but I had to admit she was downright intimidating. I also had to give her props for standing up for herself; it was about time someone did when it came to Taylor.

“What, Nat?” he shot back. “You’ve threatened to leave before and run off home to Georgia how many times? But you’re still here. You can say I haven’t grown up in a decade, but you haven’t changed, either.”

Nat took a step closer then, getting right in Taylor’s face, and whispered something to him I couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, it left him pale and shaking a little as he leaned back against the counter. She turned to leave and I quickly jumped away from the door, so it wouldn’t be obvious I had been listening in. She stalked right past me without a glance, though, heading outside without saying a word to anyone.

I looked back in at Tay; he looked like he’d just faced off against a mama bear, and I supposed he had. Maybe I should have felt a little bad for him, but I didn’t. At least, not enough to stop me from walking in like I hadn’t just heard the whole thing.

I took my time getting a soda out of the fridge and leaning against the counter opposite him.

“Perfect timing as usual,” I said casually, popping open my drink and taking a long sip.

“Can you not?” He spat, glaring at me. “After Natalie, I don’t think there’s enough of me left for you to chew out, too.”

Of all the things he could have said, I should have expected he would find the one thing to piss me off the most. I slammed my can of soda onto the counter, droplets splattering across the granite.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, Taylor. Do you have any idea what this week has been like? What _tonight_ has been like? Of course not. All you care about is…” I glanced towards the doorway; if any of the kids were back inside, they didn’t need to hear what I wanted to say, “is how you got to spend the whole week getting plowed by your boyfriend.”

“And just why, exactly, is that any of your business? The way I remember it, _you_ walked out on _me_. You ended it. You don’t get to be upset about whatever, or whoever, else I do now.”

I let out a breath like I’d been punched. How could he throw that in my face? Not to mention, I hadn’t even been referring to… that. In fact, I’d been doing everything in my power not to think about the subject of us at all, outside of my sessions with Lily. Not only was he an asshole, but he was a narcissist to boot. I took two long strides closer, bringing myself practically nose to nose with him.

“How fucking _dare_ you act like the victim here! This isn’t about that, or even you. But you’re Taylor fucking Hanson, so _everything_ has to be about you, right? Fuck whatever anyone else has going on.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t say any of that, Zac,” he said, reeling back as if I had actually hit him. “But whatever, just assume what you want about me.”

I took a step back, picking up my soda can and sipping it as angrily as I could manage. “Why’d you even come back today anyway, if you were gonna skip out on dinner? Surprised you didn’t just show up for bus call tomorrow.”

“I _said_ my plane was delayed. It wasn’t a lie. I got back here as soon as I could. I was supposed to get in this morning, and try to smooth things over the best I could. And I really don’t care whether you believe that or not.”

“Right,” I snorted. “You really need to get some new excuses. At least a delay is technically different from being overbooked, I guess…” I glared at him, hoping I looked more angry than anything else. I didn’t want him to know how badly he’d hurt me with _that_ lie, or how badly it still hurt. He sighed, and stared at the floor, looking almost sincerely sorry.

“Zac, I… Look, I got in over my head. And I’m not proud of that, of… of lying to you. I wanted to get back in soon enough to talk to you, too, try to… God, I don’t know if we can make things okay between us. But I wanted to. I do want to.”

I chugged the last of my soda, crushing the empty can in my fist with a satisfying crunch. 

“Another bullshit lie to cover your ass? Thanks, but no thanks.”

“See, you’re gonna believe what you want to believe, no matter what,” he sighed, and I knew without looking that he had rolled his eyes at me like the drama queen he was. “So what difference does it make whether I bother or not? I’m here now. I’m willing to try now, to do whatever I can moving forward… But I’m not bothering if you’re gonna be like this.”

“Ever hear the phrase ‘too little too late’?” I snapped, looking up. “I wanted to try, too. Why do you think I asked you to hang out?” I felt my eyes watering, but I fought it, fought back against the lump in my throat and the quiver in my lower lip. “Do you think it’s easy for me, pretending everything is fine after what happened?” I took a step closer, lowering my voice. “Pretending it’s not fucking killing me to…” I bit my lip, physically cutting off the words. I turned away; I could stand to look at him.

“You had your chance, and you blew it. Literally, I guess. And I’m done.”

I rolled my shoulders and straightened my spine. I didn’t believe my own words, but I could fake it enough to fool him, and everyone else. I plastered on a smile and headed back out to join my family, leaving Taylor behind, alone, where he deserved to be.


	11. Chapter 11

Dec. 2, 2013. Tour bus en route to Birmingham, AL.

_**Taylor** _

The holiday had been trying, to say the least. It was all my fault, of course, and I knew that. I wasn’t a complete idiot, regardless of what my behavior might have implied. I had known that running away from my family and lying to them couldn’t possibly end well, and I was right.

What I hadn’t counted on was just how badly Natalie would react. I knew it would be bad, but I hadn’t anticipated _that_ bad. I had to wonder what had happened while I was gone, if something else had gone down at home to push her to the edge. I didn’t know, and I didn’t dare ask. I knew I was on thin ice with her. She had made that perfectly clear with her threat. One toe out of line and all my sins be laid bare for my family… and for all I knew, the whole world. 

I knew, eventually, I would be forced to admit at least some of the truth about my relationship with Scott. But I needed to be able to do it on my terms, when he was ready for it, too. Considering the fact that Natalie had also accused me of being on coke again, I could only imagine the way she would make me look if it were up to her. Then again, I knew I wasn’t much better than she assumed. Maybe worse, considering the one big secret that she still didn’t know…

Zac. I didn’t know what to think of my conversation with him. I knew I had gone too far, lying not just to my wife, who was unfortunately accustomed to it, but lying to Zac when he had put so much faith in me. More faith than I even realized. Even if he had been the one to end things, he had also wanted to fix them… and I had ruined that.  
And now I was stuck on a tour bus with him. 

It had seemed easier to avoid him during the last leg of the tour, somehow. Now the bus wasn’t nearly big enough for the two of us. I tried reading books, watching movies on my laptop, but nothing seemed to distract from the elephant in the room.

Finally, I decided it might be better just to face it head on. We would have to talk eventually, or everyone would notice that something was wrong. I knew Zac wouldn’t be the first to cross that line; it was up to me to offer the olive branch, as it were. If he turned it down, at least I could say I tried. And in time, I hoped, he would realize that I was sincere.

I was the first back to the bus after our concert that night, and I parked myself in the back lounge, which everyone knew was Zac’s territory. Sure enough, it was only a matter of minutes before I heard footsteps heading my way, and seconds later, the door opened to reveal Zac, clutching a can of Dr. Pepper in his hand like it was an anchor. He flopped down on the couch without so much as a sideways glance in my direction.

“Hey, Zac,” I said softly.

“Hey.” Still not looking my way, he pulled his DS from somewhere deep in the couch cushions and turned it on. 

“Did you, umm, have a good break? Aside from Thanksgiving day, I mean.”

“Yup,” he replied, although his tone said that wasn’t entirely true. It had been a stupid question anyway; I knew he’d had to put up with Natalie for much of it. 

For lack of anything else to say, I replied, “That’s good.”

“I’m assuming you did too?”

“Yeah… it was nice…” I let myself trail off there, knowing Zac didn’t want any of the details. He would never understand. In truth, I wasn’t sure I understood it myself. All I knew was that it felt right to be with Scott, even if it was more than a little bit insane to accept his proposal.

Zac snorted, but didn’t say anything else, and I was grateful for that. I could only imagine what he was thinking; I’d probably had most of the same thoughts myself. If he told me how crazy I was, I didn’t think I would argue. 

Cautiously, I watched him to see if he would say anything else. He didn’t, but there was something… off. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was, until I noticed that he was squirming a bit in his seat. He shifted from cheek to cheek, as though trying to find a position that didn’t hurt. I knew that particular maneuver. But I didn’t understand why Zac would be making it right then. I had to be projecting; I couldn’t be seeing what I thought I was seeing.

“You okay?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

His eyes snapped to me for just a second, almost quickly enough to miss, then back to the tiny screen in front of him. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” 

“I said I’m fine.” He shifted positions again. He leaned back, but the second his back hit the couch, he tensed up and visibly winced.

“Zac, you… you look like you’re in pain. You’re not okay.”

He closed his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

“Zac,” I repeated softly, but with just a hint of force. It was perhaps a dick move, but he was starting to scare me. What… or who… could have done this to him? Surely not his wife; he’d made it pretty clear Kate had no interest in that side of him. What had my brother gotten himself into while I was gone?

“What?” Zac snapped, shooting me a glare that would have, under other circumstances, shut me up completely.

“I just want to know what… what’s wrong. You keep making faces like you’re really in pain, and it just… worries me, okay?” Surely he could understand that. He had to know I cared about him. I might have been horrible at showing it in a healthy way, but it was still the truth.

“It’s nothing,” he said, averting his eyes so obviously that I wanted to laugh at his transparency. “I was working in the yard, fell and scraped my back up. It’ll be fine.”

“Is that _really_ what happened, Zac?”

He shot me a deliberately blank stare. “Yes.”

“Okay…” I replied, drawing the word out. 

“Not that you’d care if it wasn’t,” he mumbled, staring at the damn game again.

“Zac,” I said, “that’s not true.”

He glanced up at me and shrugged, as though it didn’t matter at all what I said. He had clearly made up his mind, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to change it.

“I asked, didn’t I? Why would I ask if I didn’t care?”

“So you care,” he said, staring at me, as though trying to start some game of chicken, daring me to press the issue further. “Good for you. None of your business.”

“You didn’t fall in the yard, did you?” I asked, even though the answer was clear. He had all but admitted it. “And don’t tell me it’s none of my business.”

He shrugged again, and that was as good as an answer.

What had my brother gotten himself into? A part of me was afraid to even ask that. It shouldn’t have surprised me, I reasoned. After getting a taste of what there was out there for guys with our particular needs, I should have known he wouldn’t stop. He would have to find someone else to give him what I couldn’t. How could I fault him for that? 

“Zac, just…” I began, then shook my head. I didn’t know if I could get through to him, if he would let a word I said penetrate this wall he’d put up between us, but I had to try. “Whatever you’re doing… just please be safe, okay?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid, Tay.”

“I didn’t say you were.” I sighed. “But I am allowed to worry about you, you know.”

“You worried… or jealous?” He asked, a hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Worried.” I stared at him, almost in disbelief. Was I jealous? I didn’t think so; I loved him, and I knew I was weak enough to give in if he approached me again… but also I knew just how wrong it would be if I did. I didn’t think we could survive that, and so I had to lock those feelings away and focus on the more brotherly ones.

“Well don’t be,” he said, giving something of a dismissive snort. He glanced at me again, his eyelashes fluttering in a way that I tried my best to ignore. “I found someone who actually knows what they’re doing.”

I frowned, somewhat in spite of myself, because that was an insult no matter how you looked at it. “Good for you.”

"Someone who’s not afraid of hurting me,” he said casually, looking back down at his game, as though he were almost bored of this conversation. 

“I wasn’t afraid…” I began, then sighed. There was no point in going down this road. It wouldn’t lead to anything good, and he had to know that as well as I did. He was just trying to get under my skin, but for what purpose, I couldn’t say.

“Right.” Zac’s eyes snapped back to me, full of skepticism, for just a moment.

“The whole situation was just… complicated, Zac.”

“Yeah, well, this one isn’t.”

“Well, I hope you’re happy,” I said honestly. I could only hope he believed me. That was truly all I had ever wanted for him, even if I had made a complete mess of things.

“You too,” Zac said, and I tried my best to ignore the edge to his voice that made those two words sound almost like a threat.

“I am,” I replied honestly. There was no point in hiding _that_ from him, even if he didn’t need the rest of the details.

“Talk to your wife since we got back on the road?” He asked. “That’s still what she is, right?”

“Yes, she is,” I replied, staring at him. He was definitely trying to get under my skin, and I didn’t know why, but of course it was working. “And we’ve texted a bit.”

“I think she saw Kate more than I did this week. Spent half the time crying her eyes out.”

Hadn’t we been over this a dozen times already? Did he think I wasn’t constantly beating myself up for that? True, it didn’t stop me from doing it to her; it never had. But I didn’t _like_ that I was such a horrible husband to her. It wasn’t something I took pleasure in, the way Zac seemed to be implying. It was just something I couldn’t seem to stop, and I feared even her most recent threats wouldn’t change that fact.

“But hey, as long as you had fun, right?” He snarled.

Was that really what he thought of me? I shook my head. It didn’t matter what he thought of me. His mind was made up and I knew I couldn’t change it, at least not where his opinion of me was concerned. Softly, I remarked, “Doesn’t sound like you’re in much of a position to judge what _I_ did last week.”

“Don’t you _dare_ try to pull that on me.” He raised his head slowly, shooting daggers from his eyes that were almost enough to make me cower. Almost. “What I’m doing is totally different. And if I want to leave her, I’ll leave and _then_ find someone else. Not the other way around.”

“Is it really that different, Zac?” I asked. What was he even talking about? Had he had forgotten the entire last two months of our lives? “What about what we did? It’s still cheating, and yes, I’m aware that I’m cheating on my wife with Scott. I didn’t plan it that way, okay? But it happened.”

He glanced away, and when he spoke again, his voice was so low that I almost couldn’t hear him at all. “What we did shouldn’t have happened.”

“No,” I agreed. “It shouldn’t have.”

Zac winced slightly, shutting his eyes tight. I couldn’t guess what he was thinking at all. 

“Just… just don’t act like you’re better than me, or like you think I don’t know that my life is a mess, okay?”

“I never said I was better than you.”

“Then what was all that stuff about if you wanted to leave Kate, you would? And trying to lay a guilt trip on me for not going home to Nat?” I asked. It wasn’t fair; he could say whatever he wanted to get under my skin, but I couldn’t say a word back. It was as though he thought I didn’t have the same emotions he had. If that was truly what he thought, then I didn’t see the point in showing them to him. I could be just as cruel and calculating as he could be.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight and rubbed his temples. “Just forget it, okay? Forget I said anything. It’s none of my business.”

“I guess it isn’t,” I replied. “If whatever you’re doing isn’t my business, then what I do with Scott isn’t yours, either.”

He nodded, but the discomfort on his face didn’t pass me by. I just chose to ignore it.

“Good,” I said. “I’m glad you agree.”

“Uh huh,” Zac replied, tossing his DS down and walking out of the room before I could say another word.

I supposed I had won that fight, but it didn’t feel like a win at all. We were both just as bruised and bloodied, neither of us escaping unscathed. There was truly no winner, and as far as I could see, no way out of the mess we had created for each other. 

Once Zac was gone, I grabbed my laptop and opened it up. It took a moment to get it to connect the hotspot we’d bought for this tour so that we didn’t have to deal with fleeting wifi signals on the road. Finally, it logged me on, and I was able to open my email inbox. I felt like such a sap for it, but a warm feeling spread through my body when I saw Scott’s name at the top of the page.

 

_Hey babe –_

_Hope you’re doing okay back on the road. You’ll probably be in Bumfuck, Alabama by the time you get this, if my math is right. So I thought this would cheer you up a bit. It’s still not polished up, but here’s the recorded version of that song I played for you. Hope you like it._

_\- S_

 

The message was short and not even all that sweet, but it left a smile on my face nonetheless. Scott wasn’t a man of many words, but I knew now how to read between the lines and see what he truly meant. If I had any doubts, his songs cleared them up all up. I wrestled my earbuds out of my pocket and plugged them in, letting myself get lost in his voice.

Everything was still a mess, but for a moment, while I could imagine Scott was right there with me, things were okay.


	12. Chapter 12

Dec. 2, 2013. Tour bus en route to Birmingham, AL.

**_Zac_ **

I hated Taylor. No… that wasn’t really true. I _wanted_ to hate him. But I couldn’t, even after everything, and that was the worst part. I lay in my bunk staring at the ceiling, and tried to calm my boiling blood. He was right; it really wasn’t any of my business who or what he did. I needed to just accept that and focus on my own life. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through the contacts, and took a deep breath. I couldn’t exactly vent all my issues to her, but at least I could distract myself for a while. I closed the curtain to my bunk, then dialled her number.

“Hello?” She answered after a couple rings. 

“Umm, hi… this is Zac.”

“Oh, I didn’t expect to hear from you quite so soon.”

“I’m sorry… I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. Slow day at the office,” she said, her tone light. 

I smiled and let out a sigh. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem at all. You can call me any time you like, Zac.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly. I really was happy to hear her voice, more than I had even expected to be.

“You’re welcome. Is there… anything in particular you wanted to talk about, or?”

“I was talking to… him,” I said, closing my eyes, “and we kind of had a fight.”

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry.”

“It’s… okay, I guess. Just tough. I kinda said some stuff I shouldn’t have.” It didn’t feel good to admit that, but it was a habit I’d always had. I knew exactly what buttons to press with Taylor, and when I felt threatened, I tended to go for the low blows more often than not.

“That happens even to the best of us. Especially when we’re really emotional about something… or someone.”

“Yeah…” I smiled. I didn’t know how she did it, but she seemed to know just what to say to make me feel better, without denying that I’d done wrong.

“May I ask what the fight was about? You don’t have to tell me, of course.”

“Well he spent the week off with his boyfriend, instead of going home to see his wife, and my--well, I had to hear about it. So I kinda threw a couple digs at him for that.”

“Oh. Oh I see. You hadn’t mentioned that he was married…”

“Yeah. Ten years. Kids and everything.”

“And he has a boyfriend who is also his Dom? Well, I’ve seen worse in my job, I suppose. I’m not really one to judge.”

“It’s a loveless marriage, though; they only got hitched because he knocked her up.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt a twinge of guilt. It was easy to forget sometimes, just how unwillingly Taylor had gone into the marriage. Was it really that surprising that he found it hard to stay faithful? I pushed the thought away, not liking how uncomfortable it made me feel.

“Oh… that’s unfortunate. For everyone involved, really.”

“I guess. She’s happy though, she got--well, she _gets_ what she wants.”

“But he’s not happy, I presume?” She asked.

I let out a snort. “How would you feel if you were forced to marry your ex?”

“Trapped,” she answered, and I nodded. 

“Exactly.”

“But he stays with her for the kids, I suppose.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” I was about to say something about our image, but that would be giving too much away. “His family is really conservative; divorce just isn’t something they would understand.”

“I see. Again, I’m not one to judge. I see… a lot of situations like that. But you don’t approve of his… behavior?”

“I just think he should be honest with himself. If he really wants to be with his boyfriend, he should man up and leave his wife, instead of two-timing her.”

“Things aren’t always that black and white, though. I’m not trying to defend him, I swear. I don’t know the guy.”

“Hardly anyone does,” I said with another snort. “He doesn’t let people in easily. I guess I’m pretty lucky,” I added, quietly. 

“I’d say he’s the lucky one, Zac, to know you.”

“Can’t say I agree, but thanks.” I heard her sigh, and wondered what had caused it. Part of me hoped her compliment was sincere, but if she knew… well, I was just glad she didn’t know me that well yet.

“So, what did he say, then? When you were… criticizing his choices?”

“He said he was worried about me.”

“Worried?” She echoed, curiously.

“My back’s a little sore, and he caught me wincing. Figured out he’d been replaced.”

“Oh, I see. It sounds like he still cares about you.”

“I guess… not that it’s any of his business.”

“Perhaps it isn’t, but you can’t tell him not to care.”

“I think I tried,” I said, laughing.

“For some reason, that doesn’t surprise me,” she said dryly.

“What can I say? I have a way with words.” 

“You certainly do,” she replied, and I grinned. All this emotional talk was exhausting. I thought about our last session, and how flustered she’d gotten when I teased her. I wondered if I could get a similar reaction from a distance.

“Been told I have a pretty talented tongue.”

“Oh,” she said, coughing a little. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

“Good to know.”

“Well I have to, my line of work. Gotta know how to get people in the right mood.” If there was one thing I was good at, it was innuendo. How many dirty jokes had I slipped into songs without my brothers noticing until it was too late? 

“My, that sounds like an… interesting line of work. And that’s something coming from me,” she added with a slight chuckle that I echoed.

“Not that different, really,” I said, realizing it as I said it. “All about getting into someone’s head.”

“I suppose that is similar.”

“Learning what words to say to really… touch them, ya know?” I wasn’t even saying anything all that suggestive yet, but I couldn’t stop grinning as I pictured her cheeks turning pink.

“Mhm… Though I imagine it’s a different sort of _touch_ we’re going for.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Sounds like you could get in a lot of trouble while you’re gone…”

“Nah. Wouldn’t want to let you down.” I knew the truth was that I probably could have as many groupies as I wanted, but I’d never been into that kind of thing. Maybe seeing what happened to Tay had permanently soured the idea for me.

“Oh? Not even to really earn your punishment?”

“Oh I’ll earn it alright,” I laughed. “I’ll just have to keep it solo.”

“Oh, I’ve got no doubt that you’ll earn it.”

“I think I racked up a pretty good amount before I left, don’t you?” I said, lowering my voice. I closed my eyes, and I could almost feel her lips against mine.

“Yes, I think you definitely did.”

“Totally worth it, by the way.”

“Is that right.”

“Yep.” I settled back, letting my body relax. I’d started out just wanting to tease her, but I could feel myself warming up a bit, too. I wondered how far she would let me push things this time; words are only words, aren’t they?

“We’ll see about that. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with you next time…”

“I can think of a few things I’d like you to do to me, but that’d just earn me more punishments.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can.” She cleared her throat nervously, and I smiled wider.

“But I shouldn’t tell you,” I said, using a syrupy sweet tone. “That would be bad.”

“Yes. Yes, that would… definitely be bad.”

“So,” I went on, grinning and running a hand down my chest. “It would probably be bad of me to keep thinking about it while I’m talking to you, right?”

“Yes, that would be very bad,” she said, just a hint of breathiness to her voice.

“And if just thinking is bad,” I went on, lowering my voice. I was definitely pushing the limits now, and I was sure she’d stop me any second, but part of me hoped she wouldn’t. “Then I really shouldn’t be doing something about it while I’m talking to you, right?”

“N-no,” she stuttered. “No, you definitely shouldn’t be. You know there’s a punishment for that, no matter… who you’re thinking about.”

I sighed a bit, reaching down to grip the hard-on that’d been building for a while now. This felt like a major line, one that I really, really shouldn’t cross… but then, I was already damned, so how much worse could it get? 

“Guess I’m just bad all over, then,” I said, sighing as I tugged down the zipper of my jeans and started stroking myself.

“Yes, I suppose you are…”

I sighed again, focusing on the physical sensations. Despite being a smartass to her, I really had been trying to follow her rules. Which, apparently, meant it didn’t take much to get me worked up anymore.

“Been a long time since I did this thinking of someone else,” I said quietly. _Someone other than Taylor,_ I added in my head. But he really wasn’t the one on my mind at the moment, which was a welcome change.

“And thinking about your Mistress, too,” she said, a slight tremor in her voice that I couldn’t help noticing. “That’s just extra naughty, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” I sped up my hand a bit, breathing a little heavier. The image in my head had been fuzzy at first, but I focused on it, picturing her more clearly. “But you’re the only one I wanna think about right now.”

“Seems like you’re trying really… really hard… to earn that punishment.”

“Yes, Mistress,” I replied, my snarkiness replaced with sincerity.

“Such a bad boy, Zac…”

“Mhm.” I shivered a little as I pictured her above me, her hands moving up and down my body, her lips curled in a tempting smirk.

“Whatever am I going to do with you…”

“I dunno,” I replied, grinning. “You tell me.”

“Mmm, I’ll have to think of an… extra special punishment for you.”

“Extra special, huh? You must really like me,” I teased. 

“If by ‘like’ you mean think you’re a very, very naughty boy, then yes.”

“Oh I’m naughty, alright,” I said, my voice shaking a bit. “Naughty enough to take what I want.”

There was a silence; my words had taken us both by surprise.

“Now Zac… you wouldn’t do that. Mistress won’t allow that… sort of behavior.”

“Yes, Mistress,” I said quickly. “Sorry… I don’t know where that came from. I’m not usually… well, dominant like that.”

“That’s better. Besides, I thought you said you… didn’t deserve that? You think you’ve been good enough to deserve your Mistress now?”

“No,” I snorted, but then I paused, thinking. She couldn’t possibly mean that how it had come out, could she? “But are you saying if I was, I could earn it?”

“Oh, you’d have to be very good for that…”

That wasn’t a no.

“It would be worth it,” I said softly. I didn’t know if this was just fantasy still, but she hadn’t stopped me yet, so I was going to run with it as far as she’d let me.

“Of course… it’s only fair. If Mistress punishes you when you’re bad, then she should reward you when you earn it.”

“But…” I bit my lip hard. If I’d known what the reward for behaving was going to be, maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to be bad. “I kinda already started. I can’t really just… stop. Not this time, anyway.” It was a little embarrassing to admit, but talking to her like this had me too close to just back off now, not without serious discomfort.

“So you’ve earned one punishment,” she chuckled, and I let out a sigh of relief. “You can still be good, other times.”

“Th-thank you, Mistress.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“M-mistress?”

“Yes, Zac?”

“May I keep thinking about you? I mean, for now.” 

I heard something that almost sounded like a moan, but it cut off before I could be sure. “Yes, you may. Just this once.”

“Thank you,” I breathed, speeding up my hand and gripping a little tighter.

“Y-you’re welcome,” she said, her voice catching. Was she…

“Mistress?”

****

**_Lily_ **

Zac had barely been gone a week, and I couldn’t get him out of my mind at all. He didn’t need to know that, of course, but I was beginning to realize that I didn’t need to tell him. The cocky bastard—where had that side of him come from, anyway?—could clearly figure it out for himself.

At some point during this conversation, I had lost all sight of reason, of right and wrong. I had crossed almost every possible line I could cross, violating the very rules I had made. I didn’t have any brain cells left to worry or even think about that, though. All I could think about was Zac, and all of the terrible, wonderful things he was threatening to do to me.

I was so lost in those thoughts that I hardly even realized he was speaking to me.

“Mistress?”

“…Yes?”

“Are you…” He trailed off, but I had no doubt what he was asking.

“Of course not,” I replied, and it might have been halfway believable if my voice hadn’t wavered at the end, a damnable moan trying to break through.

“That’s too bad,” Zac said, “because I’m imagining you are.”

“Well, you’ve certainly got a… vivid imagination, don’t you?”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“You could probably imagine things that would make even me blush, hmm?” I let myself fall back against my bed, giving up any pretense of fighting this. The suit I hadn’t yet changed out of after work that day was a crumpled mess, and I undid a few buttons on the shirt to give myself room to slide a hand into my bra and pinch a nipple.

“You bet I could,” Zac shot back. “See, my imagination is more than just sight; I use all the senses.”

“Is that right?” I asked, reaching back to loosen the zipper on my skirt to give myself better access.

“Mhm,” he said. “It’s not enough for me to picture you with your hand down your little lacy panties. I like to hear every little sigh and whimper…”

“Now, who said my panties were lacy?” I asked, breathlessly, hating that his mental picture of me was so accurate. Who was he to know me so well? Who did he think he was at all?

“Just a guess,” Zac replied, and I swore I could actually hear his smirk. “I can smell your perfume, a little sweet and a little spicy, mixed with something… darker, more you.”

“Can you really?”

“Mhm,” He replied. His voice softer, but certainly not any sweeter, he added, “And I can feel the goosebumps on your skin, the different textures all over your body, rough and smooth, cool and warm… dry and moist…”

I bit my lip to keep from moaning; moist was certainly right, and I was trembling all over, too. I clutched the bed sheet with my free hand, trying to steady myself. My composure barely regained at all, I remarked, “Yes, you certainly do have a vivid imagination.”

“Oh, but I haven’t gotten to the best one yet.”

“Oh?”

“Taste.” The word was barely whispered, but impossible to miss.

“Now that…” I whimpered. “That… would be a reward for Mistress, not you, wouldn’t you say?”

“If that’s how you want to see it. Personally, I’d see it as a treat.”

“And here I thought you weren’t eager to please…” I remarked.

Zac chuckled lightly. “Depends on what pleases you. I did say I have a talented tongue, didn’t I?”

“I do… I do recall hearing that somewhere.”

“Now taste…” He continued, as if I hadn’t interrupted his perverted train of thought at all. “That’s my favorite sense, because it’s a culmination of them.”

“Is that so?” I didn’t even know how I was capable of speech at this point. He wasn’t even specifically talking about what he wanted to do to me, but it was still driving me insane. How was it even possible? I hadn’t even been sure he was all that into women before this…

“The taste itself is only part of it,” he said. “A great part, mind you; one of my favorite flavors. But scent is half of taste, and the feel of my tongue against your skin… hard to beat.”

I didn’t even try to fight the moan that fell from my lips. There was no point in being coy or having any shame when we had already come this far.

Zac chuckled. “And that’s where the other two come in; getting to see and hear exactly what I’m doing to you.”

“Mmm, but I just don’t think you’ve been good enough to deserve that, though…” It was a weak attempt, but I had to maintain some sense of control here, something to remind him that I was still his Domme.

“I’ll just have to try harder, then. That would definitely be worth it.”

“I suppose we’ll see…” I replied. This was just part of the game, then. It had to be. He knew he wasn’t supposed to get sexual with me; what better way to act out and truly earn his punishment?

“I hope so, Mistress,” Zac said, a strange catch in his voice that I didn’t understand. “I’d love to please you. That would be enough of a reward for me, just to make you feel good for hours.”

“Hours?” I asked. “Well, aren’t you confident.”

“I can go all night if you’d like, Mistress. All night; all day. I won’t stop until you tell me to.”

“Mmm… now that’s a handy skill to have….”

He chuckled. “Speaking of handy…”

“Good with those, too, I suppose?” I asked, the words coming out in a pathetic pant. If this was truly still a game, I was quickly losing.

“You bet,” Zac replied proudly. “Very dexterous. I mostly drum, but I play guitar and piano, too.”

“So you _are_ multi-talented.”

“I’d love to prove it to you, Mistress,” he replied, and I tried my best to ignore the imploring tone of his voice.

“Perhaps, if you’re very good…” I hoped he knew it was a hollow promise. I hoped _I_ knew.

“Oh, I’ll be good for you, Mistress. So good.” He was breathing heavily, and that only made my own heart race more.

“Sounds like you could be quite a good little slave for me,” I remarked.

He whimpered, but seemed to recover quickly, replying, “Anything you want, Mistress. You name it; it’s yours.”

“You would do… _anything_ for Mistress? Anything she wanted?” I let my mind wander, trying to think of something that might scare him off, might convince him that this twisted fantasy wasn’t the way to go.

“Anything, Mistress,” he practically panted. “I’m at your command.”

“I know you are,” I said. “And if you make Mistress feel good, then she should make you feel good, too, shouldn’t she?”

Zac gave a low moan that made me shiver all over. “If mistress wants.”

“Of course,” I managed to croak out. “Gotta reward you… when you’re good…”

“Yes… I could be so good for you, Mistress.”

“I’m sure you could,” I replied. “But perhaps Mistress should tie you up? Just to be sure you behave…”

“Y-yes… yes, Mistress.” His voice was shaky; perhaps I had finally gotten to him, but I wasn’t sure if that was a victory at all. “Could I… could I taste you, Mistress? While tied up? Would that please you?”

It would please me a hell of a lot more than I wanted to tell him. Rather than admit that, I quickened my movements, swirling my finger in faster circles around my clit, and replied as calmly as possible, “Mmm, yes… I think I could allow that. And you know, when one sense is removed, the others are so much more intense. Perhaps Mistress will blindfold you as well…”

“Oh, yes, Mistress,” Zac moaned. “I’d like that. No sight, no touching—surrounded by your voice, your smell, your taste…”

“Yes… exactly.”

He let out another loud moan. “I’d lap up every drop for you, Mistress.”

“Of course you would. I wouldn’t allow anything else.” In spite of my stern words, I let out a whimper.

For a moment, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Finally, Zac said, “I’d do anything to please you, anything to earn another taste, as much as you’ll give me.”

“Yes, I know you’ll do anything to please me… anything Mistress asks of you…”

“Oh, Mistress,” he moaned. “I want to feel you so bad…”

“Feel me?” I repeated, although I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly what he meant. The thought had me too close to the edge, closer than I even could have imagined. It was so, so wrong, in more ways than I even wanted to consider, to think about Zac burying his cock deep inside of me. I had to distract myself, I had to think of anything else, anything to keep from admitting how badly I wanted him to hold me down and fuck me senseless.

“Mhm,” he whimpered. “I know it’s bad, but…”

“Tell me,” I replied, faster than I would have liked. To regain some sense of control, however tenuous, I added, “I have to know how bad you are, don’t I?”

“Y-yes, Mistress,” he whimpered. “I want… I want to feel you—wrapped around me. I want to be buried inside you. I want to taste your mouth. I want to hear you scream.”

“My, my,” I gasped out, hoping to hide my true shock; it was everything I had imagined and more. “You _are_ bad. And you think you deserve all that, hmm?”

“No, Mistress,” Zac replied, his voice dropping down lower. “I don’t think I do. But I want it. I want to earn it. Oh, Mistress…”

“You would have to be so good for Mistress to earn that,” I replied. And I had no doubt that he could be, contracts aside. There was no denying that I wanted this, and I wanted it badly. I could only hope he didn’t realize that I was doing more than just humoring him.

“I can do it, Mistress,” he practically whined. “I can be as good as you want me to be.”

“Can you?” I asked breathlessly. Deciding to push him, to see just how far he would take this, I asked, “What if Mistress wants to hear _you_ scream?”

“Then… then I’ll scream for you,” he replied, his tone suggesting that he was only saying he thought I wanted to hear. During our first consultation, we had gone over a litany of items and practices we might incorporate into our sessions; he had seemed intrigued by the prospect of me wearing a strap-on, but ultimately had declined it. Still, I had a feeling he was more interested in it than he let on...

“Will you?” I asked. “Will you let Mistress feel _you_?”

“Oh, fuck,” he gasped out, and I was sure he followed my train of thought then.

“Mmm, but that might be too much of a reward for you…” I said teasingly.

His breath so heavy I could imagine how it would feel on my neck, Zac replied, “M-mistress… oh, god, if… if you want to…”

“If I want to what, Zac?” Yes, I was getting to him now; I was sure of it. I was under his skin just as much as he was under mine, and for the moment, I only wanted to enjoy that and not think about the implications.

“If… if you want to… to fuck me…” His voice was nearly inaudible, his soft whisper making me tremble with its vulnerability. “Then I have to let you. What Mistress wants, Mistress gets.”

I chuckled softly. “Oh, but I don’t think you would mind, if Mistress did want to fuck you.”

Zac let out a loud moan, and for a moment, I thought he was done, until he replied, “Fuck, Mistress. I want you to.”

“Fuck… of course you do…” I plunged a finger deep inside myself, not even kidding myself that I wasn’t pretending it was Zac’s hand touching me, making me feel this good.

“Would you rather fuck me, Mistress? Do you not want me to fuck you?”

That was a question he would be punished later for asking, I decided. It was pure evil. For the moment, though, all I could do was moan. Once I had composed myself, I replied, “I want you to be a good boy for Mistress. Show her that you can take it.”

He whimpered, and I decided that was my new favorite sound. “Y-yes, Mistress. I’ll take it for you. I’ll be a good boy, and take whatever you give me.”

“Would you suck Mistress’s cock?” My voice low and dripping with so much lust that even I could hear it.

“Oh, fuck, yes.”

“Show her just how talented that tongue is?”

“Yes, Mistress—fuck, I’ll suck it so good for you.”

“Mmm, I know you will,” I replied. “I know you can be a good boy for me. And if you’re _very_ good, then Mistress will fuck you.”

Zac moaned loudly, the sound full of desperation. I wondered if he sang like that—did he sing? Was he just the drummer? I didn’t even know, but with a voice like that, it would be a crime _not_ to sing.

I realized I knew next to nothing about this beautiful, broken boy. All I knew right then was that I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone else, and yet there was absolutely no way I could have him, not while I was billing him for these phone calls.

“Oh god, Mistress,” he moaned loudly, pulling me from my thoughts. “Do you want me to come for you?”

I trembled all over just at the thought of it. “Yes. Come for Mistress.”

He let out a string of curse words, and I tried to imagine how he must look--his long hair fanned out around his head, perhaps a little wet with perspiration, those muscles in his arms tensing as he worked himself into a frenzy, those gorgeous lips trembling… then he growled and I lost myself.

I let out a whimper of my own, and he must have sensed that his growl had an effect on me, because he did it again. I was certain this one was deliberate, but I didn’t care at all. I could practically feel it vibrating through my body, and that was all it took to push me completely over the edge. I fell back against my pillow with a dull thud, my entire body tingling to the point of numbness.

“Is someone trying to show off for his Mistress now?” I asked, the words coming out so breathlessly that I wasn’t sure he would understand what I had said at all.

“Maybe…” he panted. “Does… Mistress like it?”

“Perhaps… but let’s not worry what Mistress likes, hmm?”

“But then how will I know how best to please you?” Zac asked, and that urge to bend him over and take my flogger to him came flaring back up.

“Right now,” I breathed out. “Right now… Mistress would for you to be a good boy and not think about her like that again.”

Zac heaved a sigh. “Yes, Mistress.”

“Just remember,” I replied, “if you’re bad, you get punished. But if you’re good…”

“I understand, Mistress. I promise not to think about kissing Mistress’s neck… tasting the curve of her jaw… growling in her ear…” he said, punctuating the sentence with another of those perfect growls.

I cleared my throat loudly. “That’s more than enough.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Zac said, but I could hear the chuckle lurking beneath his words.

“Good boy. Now why don’t you get some sleep? You’ve got fans to please tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Good boy.” I sighed. Where had this gone so wrong? Where had this gone from innocent fantasy, teasing that both myself and the client knew would never be acted upon… to something I wasn’t sure how I could go on living without?

The line was silent for a moment, and I wondered if Zac had hung up. Finally, almost inaudibly, I heard him say, “Lily?”

“Yes?”

“It’s good to hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear your voice, too.” I sighed, wondering if he knew how true it was. I wasn’t sure if I hoped he did or didn’t; neither one would lead to anything good. I didn’t see any good way out of this mess we had gotten ourselves into.

“Sweet dreams, Mistress.” I noticed he had gone back to the title, and I didn’t know what to think of that. The way he said my name was… well, I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was that it did things to me that it shouldn’t.

All I could say in return was, “Sweet dreams, Zac.”


	13. Chapter 13

Dec. 4, 2013. The Blake, Charlotte, NC.

**_Taylor_ **

Being on the road was usually a good escape from my problems. At least, it allowed me to pretend I had escaped from them. That was more difficult, though, when part of my problem was also part of my band. 

I felt like Zac’s eyes were on me constantly, full of judgment. I was becoming paranoid, I knew, but knowing that didn’t make the feeling go away. For all I knew, Natalie had enlisted him as a spy to ensure I didn’t step over the line in the sand she had drawn for me. Even though she was hundreds of miles away, she had me on a shorter leash than ever before.

With all of that pressure on me, I couldn’t sleep at all. I felt like a zombie, laying awake in bed at all hours of the night, surfing the internet aimlessly just to try to occupy my mind with something, anything, other than how my life was spirally out of control.

I nearly jumped off the bed when Skype began to ring out of nowhere. Who could be calling me this late? Of course, it was earlier in California, and sure enough, there was Scott’s name on the screen. I ran a hand through my hair and sat up in bed, trying to look a little more human, then pressed the button to accept his call.

“Hey, babe,” he said, giving me a surprisingly wide and genuine smile. “Finally got this stupid thing set up. Can you hear me okay?”

“Yeah, I can,” I replied, nodding. The last time we’d talked, he had mentioned finding an old webcam he wanted to hook up in place of the busted one on his laptop. Apparently he’d managed to do it. Returning his smile, I added, “You’re coming in loud and clear.”

“It’s good to see ya. How you holding up out there?”

I sighed softly, knowing there was no point in trying to hide the truth. “Tired, can’t sleep, everybody hates me. The usual. But better now than I can actually _see_ you.”

“Babe…” Scott’s brow furrowed adorably at my confession. “Sorry you’re having a rough time. But not _everyone_ hates you. It’s good to see you too, though. Miss ya.”

I forced myself to smile, but it was a pathetic excuse for one. “I know, I’m just… feeling sorry for myself or whatever. How are you doing, though? How was the studio?”

“Really good,” Scott said, grinning. “It’s gonna take awhile to get it all down, but it was a great first day. Can’t wait to have something to play for ya.”

“Well, now that you’ve joined the twenty-first century, I’m expecting a live performance.”

He rolled his eyes, but there was a grin on his lips. “Maybe later. Was kinda hoping I’d be the one to get a show, actually.”

I glanced down at my dirty, wrinkled clothes. I _had_ showered after the concert, but the clothes I’d put on afterward really should have been in the laundry bag. In short, I was a mess and I didn’t know what Scott saw in me at all, but especially right then. I glanced back up at him and stared for a moment, hoping he’d get my point. “Yeah, some show. Sorry, it’s been a long night.”

“Still sexy to me,” he replied, chuckling. “Even with the specs. Which, by the way, I didn’t know you wore.”

“What these old things?” I wrinkled my nose, making the glasses bob up and down. I had actually forgotten that I was even wearing them until he mentioned it. “Yeah, I don’t need them all the time, really. Not yet, at least.’

“Well, I like ‘em. Kinda gives you the whole ‘sexy nerd’ thing.”

I rolled my eyes ever so slightly, hoping it wouldn’t be enough to earn me a punishment. “Yeah, really hot. Counteracts the ‘dumb blonde’ thing pretty nicely, huh?”

Scott laughed loudly. “Well, you’ve always been a walking contradiction anyway, so why not go all out with it, right?”

“Sure, why not?” I snorted. “Anyway, I’m glad you at least think it’s a good look for me.”

“I think _any_ look is a good look for you. You know that. But yeah, maybe I’m digging the nerdy thing a little.”

“I’ll keep that in mind….” I replied, smirking a bit.

“Anyway,” Scott replied, returning my smirk, “you been bein’ good?”

“Define good,” I said, trying to hold my smirk in place. It was quickly overtaken by giggles; I really had no poker face at all. “Yeah, I have. I’ve just been keeping to myself, mostly. Just trying to get through the tour in one piece.”

“You’ll survive,” Scott replied. His voice a little softer, he asked, “Anyone notice the new jewelry?”

I shrugged; the only person who would look that closely was Zac, and he was still trying to convince me that he didn’t care. “If they did, they knew better than to say anything.”

Scott glanced down, and although his hand was just out of the frame, I had a feeling I knew what he was looking at. He glanced back up and said, “I hope you don’t mind me wearing mine. I don’t wanna pressure you or anything, I just…”

He trailed off, shrugging as though what he had said was unimportant. It wasn’t, though. It was a big deal that Scott was wearing his ring around; it was likely to garner even more questions than another necklace hidden amongst the half a dozen I already wore. 

It was a big statement, and I hoped Scott knew that I wasn’t taking it lightly.

“No, I… It’s fine,” I replied. “I like seeing it on you. Can’t wait to see it in person.”

“Yeah, same here. Can’t wait to see you wearing it. The right way.”

“Soon. I hope.” I smiled weakly, knowing that it wouldn’t be so easy this time. Still, I would have to find a way to see him again, whatever it took. 

“I hope so too, babe. Again, no pressure, but…” Scott trailed off and sighed, giving me an intense stare that gave me the shivers. “I really miss you. I want you here. With me.”

“Can I just come and stay with you?” I asked, pouting. It was a joke, but at the same time, it wasn’t a joke at all. If I could stay with him, permanently, if I were free to do that… then all my problems would be solved. But of course, I wasn’t free.

Scott gave me a serious look. “You need to ask?”

I laughed softly. “No, I guess I don’t.”

“You don’t know how hard it is…” Scott looked away, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know what he was thinking right then. I was glad his eyes weren’t on mine in that moment; things were getting more intense than I could handle so late at night. He turned back to face me. “Trust me, If I didn’t think it’d get you into more trouble, I’d just fly to… wherever you are now, and make damn sure everyone knows who you belong to.”

“Yeah,” I said, giving a soft snort, “I’m not so sure that would help. But I can’t say it isn’t appealing.”

“If you ever wanna say fuck it, just say the word.” There was a dark grin on his face that told me there were multiple shades of meaning to his words.

“Fuck it?” I grinned back.

“Don’t tease me, babe.”

“I’m not trying to, I swear. I just… this is good, you know, but it’s still not the same.” Not caring how stupid I looked, I reached out and caressed the image of his cheek on my laptop screen. 

Scott pouted slightly. “I know, babe; I know.”

“Sorry I’m no fun tonight,” I replied, my own pout rivaling his.

“It’s alright,” Scott sighed. “You know I’m here for whatever you need.”

“I know, and seriously, thank you. I’m not sure I deserve it, but thank you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t start that shit again. I’m the fuckup, remember?”

“And the one who got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, married her and has now spent the last decade repeatedly cheating on her _isn’t_ a fuckup?” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, trying to catch my breath. “Sorry, I just… I’m not any better than you, Scott. I’m not. I don’t belong on any kind of pedestal.”

Scott frowned, then sat his laptop down and stood up. I opened my mouth to ask where he was going, but he vanished from the screen before I could form the words.

Had I screwed up that badly? I knew I had rambled, but I didn’t think I said anything that would make him walk away without even saying goodbye. Finally, he came back into view, settling himself back onto the couch with a guitar in his lap.

“Look, just… listen and don’t judge too harshly, okay?”

I nodded, and he began to play.

_My life was a joke, and you were the punchline  
So I looked you up, cuz I needed a smile  
But when I tried to cut you down, you were already sinking,   
So I said let's get away for a while_

_We're so much more alike than I ever thought we would be,  
Like looking in a fun house mirror,  
I'm a little more twisted, you've been stretched too thin,  
But the parallels are ‘coming clearer_

_And I can give you want you need if you’ll give it to me,  
If you trust me to lead, can I trust you to follow?  
Tune out the haters that don’t understand  
The world can wait until tomorrow_

_So we had some fun, we took each other to the limit  
To see how far we wanted to go  
But we found so much more than a skin-deep release,  
Found what we didn’t even know that we’d been looking for_

_And I can give you want you need if you’ll give it to me,  
If you trust me to lead, can I trust you to follow?  
Tune out the haters that don’t understand  
The world can wait until tomorrow_

_Cuz it's not just a game that I'm playing  
I've been burned too many times to stick my hand in the fire  
But you say you're for real, and for the first time I feel  
Like I can put myself out on the wire_

_I've got my demons, and you've got your baggage  
I know it ain't as simple as we wish it could be  
But every day I find another reason  
Why it's worth fighting for you and me_

_I'm just a man who's been dealt a shitty hand  
But you're holding it anyway  
You're just a man who's done the best that you can  
And I just wanna tell you it's okay_

_And I can give you want you need if you’ll give it to me,  
If you trust me to lead, can I trust you to follow?  
Tune out the haters that don’t understand  
The world can wait until tomorrow  
Yeah, the world can wait until tomorrow_

He sat the guitar to the side and stared at me, obviously waiting for some sort of response. I realized, belatedly, that I had fogged up my glasses. I took them off and wiped my eyes, then gave Scott a nervous laugh. “That was… I don’t even have words, Scott. I hate you a little bit right now. But not really.”

He rubbed at his own eyes, not nearly as inconspicuous and casual as I was sure he thought he was being. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah, well. Same here. Your fault I’m feeling all this shit.”

“I’m not sorry,” I replied, giving him a pathetically sappy smile.

Scott gave a shaky sigh, loud enough for the emotion in it to carry even through the laptop speakers. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“Love you, too, Scott,” I replied, putting my hand up to the screen again. I didn’t even care that tears were flowing freely down my face; it was clear now that Scott wouldn’t judge me for my emotions.

Scott put his hand up to the screen as well, so that we were virtually palm-to-palm. “You’ll be home soon.”

“I will,” I replied, nodding. “As soon as I can possibly get there.”

“I should probably feel bad about being a homewrecker, but I couldn’t fucking care less. I just need you here.”

I laughed weakly. “It’s not like there’s much left to wreck. And I need me there, too. I would say more than you know, but I think you do know.”

Scott nodded. “I do, Tay. I really do. If it wouldn’t get me arrested, I’d probably take you right on stage.”

“Well, it makes for a good fantasy, at least,” I manage to say through loud giggles.

His expression turned darker. “Bent over Zac’s drums.”

I groaned, almost hating how quickly Scott could go from sentimental to completely dirty. Not that I minded, of course. 

“Then again, it might be better to have you face the crowd. Show ‘em all how good you look when you’re getting fucked.” Scott reached down to adjust himself, not even attempting to disguise the motion. Apparently I wasn’t the only one affected by his words.

“You’re killing me, Scott.” I smirked in spite of myself.

“You love it.” He winked.

“I do,” I shot back, giving him a serious look to let him know I meant it in every sense of the word.

Scott chuckled, obviously not done with his train of thought. “Wouldn’t wanna subject Ike to that, though.”

“Way to ruin the moment--mentioning Ike.” I snorted, scrunching my face up in disgust.

“Sorry,” Scott replied, laughing. Lowering his voice, he continued, “Just picturing you, bent over the piano… my tongue all over you…”

I groaned and collapsed onto the bed, not caring that I was probably completely out of the frame, giving Scott a very exciting view of the hotel headboard. “Why aren’t you here right now?!”

“Just use your imagination, babe,” Scott replied, chuckling. I could hear rustling through the speakers, and when I sat back up, I saw that Scott had a tight grip on what was a very noticeable erection.

“Are we really doing this?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You got your live show,” Scott replied, a familiar, serious expression on his face as he popped the button on his jeans. “My turn.”

****

_**Scott** _

“Mm, this seems like a bit of a show for me, too. But if you insist…” Taylor remarked.

I set the laptop off to the side and pulled my shirt off, standing up to kick off my jeans and then laying back down. When I looked at the screen again it had been moved, giving me a good view of Taylor. He took his sweet time peeling off his shirt, smirking at me the whole way.

“Dirty little tease,” I said, chuckling and wrapping a hand around myself.

“Mm, then what does that make you?” He’d already stripped down to his boxers, and as I watched he pulled his dick out, stroking it slowly. I felt my mouth water and I licked my lips, moving my own hand in time with his.

“I’d say pretty damn lucky. You gonna be a good little cam girl for me?”

“Girl?” He echoed, cocking an eyebrow and stroking himself to his full length. 

“Alright, fine,” I laughed. “You gonna be a good little cam _boy_ for me?”

He leaned his head back, batting his eyelashes. “What do you want your camboy to do, then?”

“Hmm…” I tilted my head, thinking of what to command. An idea popped up, one thing I’d always had a bit of a weakness for, and I smirked. “Got any smokes?”

“Um… yeah,” he said, his hand slowing and his brow furrowing. “I picked up a pack the other day.”

“Why don’t you go get one?”

He raised an eyebrow at that, but leaned over and reached off the bed. His muscles stretched and flexed as he reached for the pack, and I sank my teeth into my lower lip. 

“Okay, now what?” he asked, twirling a cigarette between his slender fingers.

“What do you think?” I said, snarling a bit for effect. He could be such a sassy little bitch sometimes, but honestly that was part of why I loved him. He could be such a perfect sub, but he knew when it was okay to push me just a little, too.

He grinned and grabbed his lighter from the table, flicked it to life and took a long, slow drag of the cigarette. As he tossed the lighter aside he leaned his head back against the wall, his half-closed eyes on me as he slowly exhaled.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I sighed, groaning and biting my lip. Somehow he made the simple act of smoking so sexual, and I loved it. “Shouldn’t have to stop the one to do the other though, right?”

“You’re really overestimating my ability to multitask,” he said, mumbling around the cigarette hanging from his lips. “But, only for you.” He took another drag, his other hand running down his chest before wrapping around his length again.

“I know you got this. And damn right, only for me.”

Taylor slowly found a rhythm with his hand, while also making a show of smoking his cigarette slowly. I loved the way his cheeks hollowed with every drag, the way his lips wrapped around it. I stroked myself a little faster, heat rising in my chest. 

“Fuck, that’s hot, babe… sexy little twink…”

He raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t say a word. His hips lifted off the bed a little as he jerked himself faster for me. 

“Got something else I’d love you to wrap that pretty little mouth ‘round.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” he asked, managing to look mostly innocent. 

“Pretty sure you know,” I shot back, angling the webcam for a better view as I stroked my cock.

“Maybe I do…” he purred, leaning over to stamp out the finished cigarette.

“Still playin’ innocent? Why don’t you tell me what you think?” It wasn’t just a suggestion, and he knew it, but apparently not being face to face gave him balls to be even more of a cocktease than usual.

“Hm, let me think…” He smirked a bit as he slipped one finger into his mouth and sucking it. I moaned as I watched him swirl his tongue and drag his teeth, before pulling the finger from his mouth with an audible pop. He trailed his hand down his chest and stomach.

“Dirty fucking tease… Lucky I ain’t there, or I’d make you pay for it.” I was panting a little now, jerking myself faster. He gave a breathy laugh, trailing his hand further down and readjusting his position, giving me a full view of what I really wanted.

“Maybe that’s exactly the idea…”

“Oh fuck, babe,” I moaned. “Gonna give me a real good show tonight.”

“Mm, that’s the plan.” His head fell back and he let out a soft moan as he slipped his finger inside himself. I growled as I sped up my stroking, my other hand gripping the sheet.

“Really wishin’ I was there now…”

“Yeah… wish this was you instead…” 

“Damn right. I’d bend you over so fast you’d get whiplash.”

“Yes,” he moaned loudly, his back arching as he added a second finger. “Please, Scott…”

“Yeah, you want me to fuck you good, don’t you?”

“Yes, please,” he whimpered, thrusting his fingers into himself. “Fuck me, Scott.”

“Maybe I’ll just show up at your next show. Grab you backstage.”

“Yeah? Take me right there, in the green room?” He shivered, pausing for just a moment. His skin held a light sheen of sweat, and I wanted so bad to be on top of him then, licking every inch.

“Fuck the green room. I’ll take you right off-stage. Shove you up against the wall.”

“Oh, fuck!” he gasped, adding a third finger and thrusting hard. “Please, Scott. Make me scream.”

“Yeah I’ll make you scream, make you scream my name. Make sure everyone knows who you need.”

“You, Scott,” he gasped, his moans raising in volume. “Need you.”

“Fuck, Tay… I wanna see you come for me.”

“Almost there,” he moaned, wrapping his other hand around his dick, panting heavily. “S-so close for you…”

“Same here, babe. Such a fucking good lil twink, making me so hard…”

“Fuck, Scott!” Taylor yelled, his hips lifting off the bed, and a second later I watched as he shot all over his stomach. I shivered hard, hanging right off the edge myself.

“Shit… Now be a good boy ‘n lick it up.”

His eyes were on the screen as he licked his hand greedily, moaning as he dragged his fingers through the pool on his chest until he’d lapped up every drop.

“Fuck…” A loud growl ripped from me as I came hard, coating my hand and chest. I shivered a little as I started to come down. I watched Tay as I licked my own hand clean, grinning as he trembled and whimpered.

“Shit…” He was still panting as he reached for another cigarette and lit up.

“Not bad,” I chuckled as I wiped my hand off on the bedspread and grabbed a smoke for myself.

“Not bad? That’s all you have to say?” He pouted and I laughed out loud, shaking my head.

“Oh babe… You’re the best lil camboy a guy could ask for,” I told him, winking for good measure.

“Thanks?” he said, smiling a little. “That was… I think that was actually just what I needed, though.”

“I know. That’s my job, afterall.” I grinned, and he gave a contented sigh that quickly turned into a yawn.

“And you do it so well. Seriously. I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Tay. My little twink,” I added, chuckling.

“I think I might actually sleep well tonight, for once.” He stretched, then curled up as he yawned again.

“That’s good, babe. You gotta take care of yourself when I can’t.”

“I know, I know,” he said, nodding and taking a lazy drag of his smoke. “I am trying, I just… It’s just been a lot lately, and knowing most of it is my fault… doesn’t really help.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, frowning. Once again I felt a slight twinge of guilt. “I know I kinda screwed up your whole life. I just hope you think I’m worth it.”

“No, Scott, no,” he replied, mirroring my scowl. “I didn’t mean that at all. I love you, and I’ve never… No one else I’ve been with before, none of the other guys, were worth the trouble, you know? Like, I could just have my cake and eat it too, but this time… All I want is you, and I’m just trying to get there. To where it’s just us.”

I looked down at my hand, twirling the red and black ring on my finger. The symbol of everything I never thought I deserved, but here he was, willing to give it all up to be with me. I looked up at him again and smiled.

“I know babe. And I know you will. Like I said before; you’ll be home soon.”

“Just not soon enough,” he sighed, a tear rolling down his cheek. I felt one on my own face, and nodded. I needed him, needed us. But he was more than worth the wait.


	14. Chapter 14

Dec. 5, 2013. Romeo’s Ristorante, Sayreville, NJ.

**_Zac_ **

Soundcheck the next day went well enough. Almost too well, really, and I knew the reason why. Taylor and I still weren’t talking to each other, but that included our usual bickering, too. We just ignored each other completely, sharing only as many words as absolutely necessary to get the job done. The mood was somehow even more tense than it had been when we were outright fighting. We made great progress as a band, finishing up with soundcheck half an hour earlier than expected. But it felt like an invisible wall stood between Taylor and me. 

“Well, that was… productive,” Ike said when we broke for lunch. I nodded, watching from the corner of my eye as Taylor stepped offstage without even a glance behind him. 

“Yeah…” I sighed and got up, tucking my drumsticks into their holder. 

“You feeling okay?” Ike asked, and I looked over.

“Yeah, fine. Why?”

“Well it’s just…” Ike sighed and scratched his head. “I mean, not that I like it when you two fight, but… I don’t know. It just seems like lately, there’s something going on between you guys. Not that that’s anything new. I’m kinda used to feeling out of the loop,” he added, chuckling, but his words stung. I must have shown it, because a moment later he shook his head.

“It’s not a big deal. You guys have always been close, and that’s cool. But something’s different this tour.” He frowned, and set his guitar aside. 

I got up and walked over, hands in my back pockets. “It’s… it’s nothing…” I couldn’t look him in the eyes when I said it. 

“Zac,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Whatever it is, you know you can talk to me, right? I know we compartmentalize, we have to, but I’m still your brother.” He gave me such a sad smile, and I hated myself for excluding him so much. He was right; it had always been me and Taylor, and him. “Tell you what, why don’t we go get some lunch? And if you feel like talking, you can.”

We caught a cab to the closest pizza place and ordered a pie to split. I knew I had to open up to him, at least a little. I wasn’t sure what to say, though. So much of the whole mess had to be kept secret. The whole thing between Taylor and me, obviously. And as for his whole thing with Scott, it wasn’t my place to out him, no matter how badly I wanted to. But there had to be a way to make Ike understand, without going into the details.

“Okay,” I said finally after my third slice. Ike took a sip of his beer and looked at me expectantly. “So, a lot of what’s been going on… I can’t tell you. Not because I don’t want to, but…”

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just say whatever you can, and I’ll fill in the blanks.”

“Alright, where to start... So I guess this whole thing started back in LA. Remember that guy that showed up, Scott Moffatt?”

“Hm… Oh yeah, that guy. Didn’t he drag Taylor off ‘til like two in the morning?”

“Something like that,” I said, nodding. 

Isaac thought for a moment, then his eyes widened a tiny bit. “Wait… Oh no.”

“Not my place to tell you,” I said, holding my hands up, but Isaac just nodded and covered his face with his hand. I wasn’t surprised he’d figured it out so quickly; he knew enough about Taylor’s history to put two and two together.

“Ah, Taylor.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Okay, so I can safely assume that’s part of it?”

“Yeah. I just kept thinking about what happened when Tay was hanging around Alex, and I got worried. I didn’t wanna have to deal with all the brokenhearted bullshit all over again.”

“Right,” Isaac said, nodding slowly. “I mean, it’s not like it’s your job, but still. That caused a lot of friction for all of us.” The three of us had argued a lot back then, too. Of course, we’d been battling our label at the same time, but dealing with Taylor’s drama hadn’t helped matters, either.

“And I tried to explain that, but of course Taylor took it the wrong way, and things kinda just… snowballed from there.” 

“So, wait. Is he…” Ike’s frown deepened, and he leaned closer. “Is he, like, seeing him? Oh my god, is that where he was during the break?” He didn’t wait for me to respond before cursing under his breath and leaning back in his chair. 

“You didn’t hear that from me. But that’s only half of it. See, we’d been fighting before that, just going back and forth over the whole thing. I should’ve never gotten involved.” It was about a vague a summary as I could come up with, and it didn’t really explain a fraction of why things were so strained now, especially between Taylor and me. But it was much as I could safely say.

“I don’t blame you, though. You’ve always cared about him, worried about him. Sometimes you’re worse than Natalie,” he said with a laugh. I looked away, closing my eyes. He had no idea how close to the truth he was.

“Anyway… We were at the airport, and I figured I’d give him another chance. I asked him if he wanted to hang out when we got back to Tulsa. And he said sure. He said he’d call me and we’d get together. Lying through his teeth, knowing it was total bullshit. After that… I just can’t. Not anymore.” I hated how close to tears I felt, remembering how hopeful I’d been, and then the pain when reality came crashing down. I took a long sip of my drink, wishing it was something a lot stronger than soda.

“Zac… I’m so sorry. That’s really messed up that he would do that to you. I mean, he lied to all of us, but to do that to you, of all people...” Ike reached across the table and put a hand on my arm, giving it a light squeeze. “I wish I knew what to tell you. Taylor… he’s got issues, he always has. I thought he had things under control, but I guess he’s just gotten better at hiding it. He’s not… he’s not doing drugs again, is he?”

“No, he isn’t. Scott may be an asshole, but he’s not a junkie like Alex was.” It was one of the few positive things I could say for Scott, as much as I hated to give him even that much credit.

“Well that’s good at least,” Ike sighed. “I just don’t know why he would throw away his marriage for… whatever this is.”

“Well it’s not like--” I started, but stopped myself. Taylor’s marriage was his business. But then, it was no secret how much of a bitch Natalie could be, however justified. “It’s not like he ever really wanted to marry her,” I said finally. Ike looked at me for a moment, then nodded.

“I guess not. Still, he’s risking everything for what? A cheap fling?”

“I… I don’t think it’s like that. Not this time.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I… I’ve seen them together. I mean, I’ve hung out with them a couple times, when Scott came to visit. And I’ve seen how Taylor talks about him. I think…” I swallowed hard and looked away. It hurt like hell to say the words, but I didn’t want to give Isaac the wrong idea, just to cut Taylor down. I was too tired for that. “I think it’s more than just, you know, hooking up. I think… I think they really like each other. A lot.”

The realization hurt, but I had to admit, begrudgingly but still, that whatever they had was obviously more than just sex. The way Taylor’s face lit up whenever he was talking to Scott made that clear enough. And for Scott’s part, what little I’d seen, it seemed to go both ways. Still, admitting it and liking it were worlds different.

“Like… they’re actually dating?” Ike asked, and I gave a half-nod, half-shrug. I was really toeing the line of what I had a right to say. “Wow. That… definitely complicates things.” Isaac stared at me for a long moment, long enough to make me squirm in my seat a little. 

“And how do you feel about that?” His question caught me a little off-guard. Sure, I obviously didn't like the guy, but it was almost like Isaac was implying something else. But there was no way he could've figured out _that_ much… right?

“I don’t know,” I sighed, leaning my head back. The things I almost wished I could say... Obviously I couldn’t be completely honest about how Taylor being in… about caring for Scott so much made me feel. But I had to give Isaac some kind of explanation, why Taylor’s relationship drama was affecting me so deeply. I settled on a less personal facet of the problem, but one that still felt genuinely important to me.

“Part of me thinks he needs to stop lying to everyone. If he wants to be with Scott, he should just man up and ask for a divorce. But I know it’s not that simple.”

“No, it isn’t. Still not impossible. I agree he needs to cut the lying, though. To everyone.” 

“Fat chance of that happening,” I snorted. “I don’t think he’s physically capable of honesty.”

“Zac… I can’t tell you what to do. What I will say, is try to see things from his perspective. I’m not saying he’s in the right. I’m just saying, he got basically strong-armed into a marriage he didn’t want, forced to live a lie about part of his identity, and--let’s just say for the sake of argument he really does want to date this Scott guy. He has to risk losing everything he’s known for the past fifteen years, not to mention you know the media would have a field day considering how many times they speculated on his… preferences. That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Yeah… I guess it is.” It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about all of that. But maybe I hadn’t really let the full weight of it sink in. Taylor had always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders; it was one of the things I both loved and hated about him. But did that really excuse how he’d treated me?

“Look, I’m not saying you should forgive him. What he did to you sounds majorly cold. But… just don’t burn the bridge, you know?”

“So just put an ‘out of order sign’ on it instead?” I suggested, and Ike laughed. 

“Sure. Under construction.”

“Thanks for listening,” I said, finishing my drink. It was just about time for us to head back to the venue. 

“That’s what I’m here for. Anytime you need to vent, I promise I’ll be there, no matter what.”

I wasn’t so sure about the last part, but it did feel good to open up, even as little as I had. And getting his perspective had helped. I’d said that the airport was Taylor’s last chance… but maybe one more wouldn’t hurt. After all, Ike wasn’t the only one telling me to try to work things out.

But how? How was I supposed to forgive him, after everything he’d done to me, to us? How could we possibly go back to normal, after everything that’d happened? If what I’d told Ike had been the whole truth, maybe it would be possible, with time. But the dirty, ugly reality was that he had used me up, taken what was already twisted to begin with and made it so, so much worse. He made me fall in love with him, and then smashed my heart to pieces.

But that wasn’t really the whole truth either, was it? I wasn’t innocent. I’d pushed and pulled and manipulated him to get what I wanted, hadn’t I? He’d tried to say no, the first time, and the second. But I had been greedy, and I knew how to make him give in, especially after learning his best-kept secret weaknesses. Was I just as much to blame as him?

I was tired. Tired of hating him, tired of hating myself. Maybe what he’d done was unforgivable. Maybe what _I’d_ done wasn’t any better. But this divide was exhausting, draining my energy so much I was starting to worry I would have nothing left. Was it really worth it?

I was falling for Lily. That much was clear to me now. But it wasn’t fair to her, trying to start something while Taylor still occupied my thoughts. I needed to talk to him, to try again. Before, I’d still been jealous, but now I had my eyes on something better. So maybe I could talk to him less like an ex-lover, and more like a brother. If there was a way to wipe the slate clean and start over, I had to go for it. If for no other reason than the sake of our livelihood, because I really didn't know what was going to happen when the tour ended. But also, Taylor had always been my best friend. If there was any way to salvage that friendship, wasn't it worth trying with everything I had?


	15. Chapter 15

Dec. 6, 2013. Brady, Musick and Olsen, CPAs, Tulsa.

**_Lily_ **

It had been a long day at work, and I was more than ready to go home. Unfortunately, I still had paperwork to finish up that had been pushed aside thanks to a meeting with a new potential client. 

Said potential client had pinged my creep meter, and was clearly interested in a more sexual relationship than I could allow. He seemed to take no for an answer, at least, so after washing my hands thoroughly, I was ready to file some back taxes for my _other_ clients, and hurry home for a long soak with a good book.

Sex with clients was something I tried to draw a really hard line on, although it would be a lie to say I hadn’t engaged in some sexual contact in professional settings. Still, allowing money to change hands for that would take me from Domme to something the state of Oklahoma would definitely consider illegal. It just wasn’t a risk worth taking, even leaving aside the testing and level of trust required.

Yet I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would feel like to let Zac take me to bed. For the past week, he had occupied an increasingly larger corner of my mind, drifting to the forefront at some of the least opportune moments.

What Zac and I had talked about crossed every boundary I had tried so hard to maintain, and I hoped he knew that it couldn’t really happen. I dreaded the thought of trying to explain to him that I had essentially lead him on, not only because I knew he wouldn’t take it well, but because I feared having to admit that I truly did want him.

And so it seemed my only option was to take a flying leap over the line and violate that primary rule of professional Dommes. It made me horrible at my job to even consider having sex with him, but it made me worse than scum to consider taking his money for it. Yet… if I told him _not_ to pay, he would realize this was more to me than just a session with a client.  
Why it scared me so much to consider the possibility of more… well, there were a multitude of reasons, few of which I cared to discuss with someone I had only known for less than a month. That fact alone was a good enough reason not to consider letting him past my walls, but knowing that wasn’t much help.

I was a bit surprised when my cell phone rang; I hadn’t set a specific ringtone for Zac, but I was sure it was him, even though it was earlier than I had expected to hear from him again. Sure enough, when I tracked it down under a pile of paperwork, the screen revealed his name—Zachary Walker.

I swiped the screen to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hello, Mistress.”

“Well, hello to you, too.”

I heard a bit of shuffling around and a door closing. “Just thought I’d check in. Is this an okay time?”

“Of course,” I replied. I was glad for any distraction, and the files could wait. “We can talk now.”

“I missed you,” he said softly.

I sighed. I had to keep things strictly business this time; anything else wasn’t an option, and Zac should have known that. “Are you being good for me?”

“Yes, Mistress,” Zac replied. “No bad thoughts; no touching.”

“No bad thoughts at all, hmm? That’s some impressive willpower.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he repeated. “It hasn’t been easy, but I have to be good.”

I collapsed into my desk chair, suspecting this wasn’t going to be a quick check in. “Do you now? I thought you enjoyed earning your punishments.”

His voice low, he replied, “I’d much prefer the reward you promised.”

“Yes, I suppose you would.” Of course he would. So would I. But under no circumstances could he know that, as much as he might already suspect. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew what I had done during our previous phone call.

“The chance to please you for as long as I can?” Zac asked. “Well worth a little discomfort.”

“Such a willing and eager little slave now… I suppose it was just a matter of finding the proper motivation, hmm?”

“Yes, Mistress.” The words made my heart flutter, and I couldn’t even begin to explain why. They certainly never had before, no matter which client delivered them.

“And you’ve _really_ been good? You can’t blame me for finding that hard to believe.”

“I know, Mistress, but I have.” Zac paused and chuckled lightly. “I’ve had to take a few more cold showers than I’d like, but whatever works.”

I laughed. “I thought it would be a bit of a challenge for you.”

“Oh, it is,” Zac replied. “I think my bandmates are starting to notice something’s up. I’ve been a   
little… edgy.”

“Oh, dear. I hope you’ve been nice to them.”

“I’m trying. It’s just, well, it’s hard not to be moody when I can’t… you know.”

“Touch yourself?” I asked softly.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Well, you’ll just have to try harder to be nice and not so moody, won’t you?” This wasn’t so hard. I could play this part; it was my job, after all.

“Yes, Mistress,” Zac said. “If that’s what you want me to do to earn my reward, then that’s what I’ll do.”

I sighed. He just had to mention that again, didn’t he? “I said you had to be a very, very good boy to earn that, didn’t I? That means being nice, and not just to me.”

“Yes, Mistress, I understand.”

“Good,” I replied. “Obviously, I’ll have to take your word for it, but you wouldn’t lie to Mistress, would you?”

“No, Mistress. I promise I will never lie to you.” Softly, he added, “That goes for Lily, too.”

“Good,” I replied weakly. Just when I thought this was just a game, he had to say something like that, something that made me doubt everything I thought I knew and felt.

“It’s good to hear your voice,” he said. “I wish I could have called sooner, but work keeps me pretty busy.”

“I understand,” I replied. “I’m just glad you did call. I know it must be tough to be so far away.”

“It is,” Zac said. “I wish I could see you.”

“It won’t be that much longer,” I replied. And I certainly wasn’t counting the days or anything.

“I can hardly wait.”

“I know,” I said. I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t wait, either. “You’ll come see me as soon as you get back, right?”

“I’ll come straight from the airport if you want me to.”

“I don’t know if that’s necessary,” I replied.

“Maybe not… but would you want me to?”

Damn him. Damn him to hell. “Mmm, no… I want you rested up, and clean.”

“As you wish,” Zac replied, and the hint of sadness in his voice was clear enough. After a pause and what I thought was a slight sigh, he asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll answer.”

“What makes you happy?” He asked. Quickly, he added, “In general, I mean.”

“Oh…” I replied, rather relieved that it really was a simple, fairly innocent question. I didn’t doubt that Zac still had ulterior motives, but as long as he kept things g-rated, I was willing to humor him. “You might be surprised how boring I am, actually. There are few things I love more than a good book and a nice cup of tea.”

“That sounds really nice,” he replied. “I love to read.”

“Oh? I would have thought that might sound dull to a rockstar like you.”

He laughed. “It’s not all sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. I’m pretty boring myself. I like to curl up with a good book, too, or hole up in my studio painting.”

“You paint?” I asked. I didn’t know why that surprised me; Zac seemed rather like the sensitive type. I was sure he would roll his eyes if I told him that, though—unless he thought being sensitive would impress me.

“Just for fun, but yeah,” he replied, his tone surprisingly casual, not bragging at all. “Acrylics, mostly. But sometimes I’ll do a watercolor.”

“Well, you really are multi-talented, aren’t you?”

“I guess so,” Zac said, sounding a bit prouder. “Maybe I could paint something for you sometime.”

“I think I’d like that.” Perhaps that was more honest than I meant to be, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Anything you’d like,” he said softly. “Maybe… maybe I could even paint you? I’m not the best at portraits, but you’d be plenty… inspiring.”

“Hmm, maybe,” I replied. “That might be nice.”

“Would that please you, Mistress? Being my muse?”

When he put it that way, it didn’t just please me. It turned me into a useless puddle of goo on the floor. Composing myself a bit, I replied, “Yes… yes, I think I would enjoy that.”

“I think I would too, Lily.” There was just enough emphasis on my name that I knew he was trying to make a point, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what that point was. It was a personal touch, of that I was sure.

“Good,” I replied. “Perhaps we can do that sometime.”

“It would be easier if you came to my studio,” Zac said. “I could even… make you dinner?”

“Now, I don’t know about that…” I replied, keeping my tone purposefully light and playful. There was no way Zac didn’t realize he was asking me on a date. How could he think that was appropriate at all?

“Isn’t it a slave’s job to tend to his Mistress’s every need?”

“Yes, yes it is,” I sighed out. “But surely we have everything we need for you to _serve_ me at my house.”

“Fair enough.” Zac’s tone said he considered this a victory, although it was little more than a concession on my part. “I’ll bring my painting supplies next time, and maybe a bottle of wine. A muse is at her best when she’s… relaxed.”

“Now, Zac,” I replied, chuckling as casually as I could manage. “I know you wouldn’t try to get your Mistress drunk. That wouldn’t be very nice.”

“Of course not. I’d never do such a thing,” he said quickly.

“Good,” I replied sternly. “That would be _very_ bad. You certainly wouldn’t earn any rewards that way.”

“Yes, Mistress. No wine, then.” After a short pause, he asked, “Is there anything else I could do to please you? A massage, maybe?”

“I think dinner and a painting will be enough.”

“It’s a date, then.”

I should have corrected him. I knew I should have. But all I could manage to say was, “Well, don’t forget, I do still owe you some punishment as well.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Zac replied, but there was a slight teasing tone to his words that I didn’t like.

“Is there anything… special that you’ll need? For the painting or for dinner, I mean?”

“Well, I guess that all depends on what you’d like.”

“I’m sure we can set up a makeshift studio in the playroom. As for the dinner, I keep my kitchen stocked pretty well, so unless you’re planning something really fancy…” I knew it was sounding more and more like a real date, but I had to tell myself it was still just part of the game. If Zac wanted domestic roleplay, I could manage that. Something told me that _wasn’t_ exactly what he wanted, but I chose to ignore that little voice.

He chuckled. “I’m good, but I’m not that good.”

“If there’s anything you need that you can’t bring along, just let me know and I’ll take care of it.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know,” Zac replied. “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to serve you? Any favorites?”

“Well, I do enjoy pasta,” I said. “Any sort of Italian dish is good. But feel free to surprise me.”

“Alright, I think I can do that.”

“I’m sure you can,” I replied. I was also sure he was bragging and trying to impress me, but I didn’t often use one of my clients as a domestic slave. It might be a nice change.

“I’m really looking forward to this,” Zac said softly.

I resisted the urge to say. He was really making this difficult for me, and I was sure he knew it. Finally, I replied as honestly as I could, “It’ll be good to see you again.”

“It’ll be good to see you, too,” Zac said. He gave a soft sigh. “I know this is supposed to be professional, but…”

“But what?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Softly, he replied, “I like talking to you. I like seeing you. I like thinking about you—not just in the naughty sense.”

“I know, Zac,” I replied, chuckling softly. I wondered if he had any idea how sweet he was, how innocent he sounded. It made my heart threaten to melt, and all I could reply was, “I’m glad that I can… give you what you need.”

“You really do, though,” Zac said, “even if I didn’t really know what it was I needed.”

“Well… I’m glad,” I replied. This was so close to dangerous territory, so close to revealing far more than I wanted him to know, but it also somehow felt like a breakthrough for Zac.

He sighed. “Kinda pathetic, isn’t it? Rock star, surrounded by people, who just needed someone to talk to?”

“You can be alone even when you’re surrounded by people, though. Sometimes even more so then.”

“Yeah…” Zac sighed again, and I was sure there was more he wanted to say, but perhaps he didn’t even know where to begin. Once again, the line between Domme and therapist was blurring, like so many other lines we had crossed.

“Zac, if you… if you need to call more than that once a week we agreed upon, you can.”

“I don’t want to bother you,” he replied. “I know I’m just another customer.”

“It’s no bother, Zac.” I didn’t dare respond to the second half of that statement. He truly _wasn’t_ just another customer, but if I told him that… well, if I told him that, I might as well quit my job right then and there.

“You’re sweet to say that.”

“I mean it,” I replied as emphatically as I could muster. I didn’t think he was baiting me, trying to make me say something I wasn’t ready for, but it was a possibility.

“You’re not sick of me yet?”

I chuckled. “Of course not.”

“Good. I’d hate to lose you.”

And just like that, he broke my heart. It didn’t matter that we had crossed nearly every possible line, it didn’t matter that I still wasn’t entirely surely I wasn’t leading him on, it didn’t even matter that he might have been falling for me harder than any client ever had. All that mattered was that he know that he truly did mean something to me, too. Softly, I replied, “I’m not going anywhere, Zac. I promise.”

“Promise, hmm?”

“Mhm,” I replied. “That’s what I said.”

“I think I like that.”

“Good,” I said. It was more than good. It was good and bad and possibly the strangest, most intense thing I had ever felt all at once.

“Well, I’ll stop bugging you for tonight,” Zac said, giving a soft laugh, one that might have almost been a giggle.

I laughed in return. “You’re not bugging me, but alright, if you want to go. An early night for you? Gotta get your beauty sleep, hmm?”

He snorted. “I think I’d have to sleep for a week.”

“Oh Zac. Don’t be so modest.” He was definitely fishing for compliments now, and I was buying it hook, line and sinker. And I didn’t even care.

“Again, you’re sweet.”

“Go to sleep, Zac,” I replied teasingly. “Don’t want to disappoint your fans tomorrow.”

“Okay…” he replied. The line went so quiet that I thought he had hung up, until I heard, “Hey, Lily?”

“Yes?”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Zac.”

I hung up my phone and placed it back into my purse. Zac was going to be the death of me; I was sure of that now. I could have told myself it was just sexual, but it was clear now that even that was wrong. The connection I had with him went so much deeper, in spite of how quickly it had formed.

“Oh you’re still here?”

“Shit!” I exclaimed, spinning around to see my business partner, Jay, standing by the door.

“Sorry.” He chuckled, leaning against the door frame. “Didn’t know you were staying late tonight, too. I’ve been making calls, trying to get things together for the next fetish exhibition at Club Aftermath.”

Jay and I had opened the accounting firm four years ago; we had both landed jobs at another agency right out of college, but there wasn’t much chance to move up the corporate ladder there. In spite of his clean cut appearance, Jay was a regular on the scene, so it had been a big shock the first time I walked into work and saw a familiar face from the club. With his family money and ambition, we had the makings of a business of our own. My friend Dylan was the missing piece to get the office up and running; plus, I owed Dylan a favor after he and his boyfriend let me crash in their extra bedroom for a few years.

“Yeah, uh, I was just getting some paperwork done that I’ve been putting off. The night job has been taking up a lot of time lately.”

“I’ve noticed,” Jay remarked. “Who were you on the phone with?”

“A client,” I replied.

“One of those?” Jay raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t even sound like that. Sounded personal.”

I glanced away and began shuffling papers. The words and numbers on them blurred, but it didn’t matter; it was just a distraction.

“Lily… if you’re in over your head, you know you just have to say the word. I know you’re good at what you do, but if someone is pushing you, testing you—”

“He’s not,” I snapped. “Well, he’s trying to. But he’s just… he’s just lost, I think. Trying to find something to hold onto, you know?”

“And he thinks it’s going to be you,” Jay replied knowingly.

“Maybe. I don’t know if he knows what he wants or needs right now.”

Jay’s stare bored into me; I could feel that familiar stare even though I wasn’t facing him. “Makes it difficult for you to know what to give him, then.”

“It’s not like that,” I replied softly. “At least, I’m trying to keep it from being like that.”

Jay stepped into the office and against my better judgment, I turned to face him. Surprisingly, his face sported a sympathetic look. “You need to figure out where to draw the line, Lily.”

“I know where to draw the line.”

“No, I mean—of course you do,” Jay said, shaking his head. “But I’m not talking about that line, not really. You need to figure out if this is going to stay professional, or if it’s going to become something more. Because your words are saying one thing, but the way you’re saying them… well, it’s saying another. This isn’t fair to you or to him, if you don’t even know where the two of you stand.”

“Yeah, well… it’s all easier said than done, isn’t it?”

Jay shrugged. “Maybe. I didn’t say it would be easy. I just said you need to give it some long, hard thought.”

“Right,” I replied. With a heavy sigh, I added, “Well. Let me know about the exhibition plans, huh? I guess I’ll be putting on another demonstration?”

Jay grinned. “Of course. You’re the best, Lil.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “You say that to all the Dommes, I’m sure.”

Jay laughed. “Well, hey, if you’re going to be here for a while, how about Mazzio’s? I was just about to run out for a large pepperoni.”

“Black olives and feta for me,” I replied, giving him the best smile I could manage.

With a grin and a nod, Jay was gone. I sank down into my desk chair, and thought about what he had said. It certainly was easier said than done, and the truth was, I had no clue what I wanted from Zac.

No, that wasn’t true at all. I knew what I wanted. It was becoming clearer and clearer by the minute. Hadn’t I known from the beginning that he was different? He was broken, in ways so obvious yet so deep that I doubted I would ever uncover all of them. My desire to fix him, to try to put him back together into the wonderful human being I was sure he was capable of being… it wasn’t, couldn’t be, entirely professional.

But how could I? How could I give in to that desire and claim that I was still, as Jay said, the best? How could I look myself in the eye if I let my emotions become tangled up in what I did at work?

The answer, I knew, was to let go of the professional relationship with Zac. I knew that. But could I? I hadn’t dated in so long that I didn’t even remember how, and history would suggest that I had never truly known. I couldn’t be sure that a personal relationship wouldn’t blow up in our faces just as quickly as our professional one was threatening to, and for that reason alone, I knew I had to stay strong.


	16. Chapter 16

Dec. 7, 2013. Fraser Place, London, England.

_**Taylor** _

It shouldn’t have surprised me at all that this leg of the tour was hell.

I had finally had a small taste of freedom during my trip to visit Scott, and of course, I had paid handsomely for that when I returned home to Natalie. She had continued to call me regularly after I returned to the road, but the calls were even more strained and awkward than ever before. We had nothing at all to talk about, because we had made the unspoken decision to ignore the elephant in our marriage. What it would take for either of us to admit it was truly over… I didn’t know.

We both had to have known, maybe for years, that what we had wasn’t sustainable. It got a little boost, a little glimmer of hope, with every new child, but the truth was that our children were the only thing we had in common. At best, we were like old friends with no romantic attraction at all; at worst, we were bitter enemies.

But where did Zac get off calling me out for how I had chosen to destroy my marriage, when he had clearly acted just as badly? Was his marriage just indestructible? It certainly seemed that way at times, although I was sure there was more going on with him that he let on. His behavior on this tour had been progressively stranger and stranger. I knew, based on the bruises he tried to hide, that he had been seeing someone. That should have improved his demeanor, yet he was still short and snippy with everyone. He had a reason to be that way with me, I knew, but the rest of the band and crew didn’t deserve it.

Whatever it was, I was sure he would tell me it wasn’t my business. Rather than try to delve to the bottom of that mystery, I decided to hole up in my hotel room for a little of what Scott referred to as Taylor Time—which really just meant watching a pay per view movie until I fell asleep.

I had only just settled down and picked a movie when I heard a knock at the door. With a sigh, I stood up and walked over to look in the peephole. What I saw there was probably the last person I expected to see—well, aside from maybe Natalie.

“Zac?” I asked, opening the door just a crack. “What do you want?”

“Is the password ‘bacon?’” He asked, holding up a pizza box so that I could clearly see it.

“You brought me pizza?”

Zac rolled his eyes. “No, I brought you an empty box. Can I come in?”

“I guess…” I stood back and opened the door to let him in. This had to be a peace offering of some sort, I was sure. I just wasn’t sure why.

 

“Thanks,” Zac said, stepping into the room and revealing a six pack of Pabst in the other hand.

“You brought me pizza and beer.”

He grinned. “Uh huh.”

“What did you do?”

Zac gave an exaggerated gasp. “I can’t just bring my big brother pizza and beer because I feel like it?”

“I’m pretty sure you never have before,” I replied, pointedly raising an eyebrow at him. Given how bitchy he had been for the last few days, and his tendency to act like a little shit just to get a reaction… I could only imagine what he was up to now.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, his expression turning more serious as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I overheard you talking to Natalie earlier; figured you could probably use some cheering up.”

“Oh… you did?” I sat down next to him.

Zac nodded. “How bad was it?”

“Could have—and has been—worse. I mean, we’re not really… talking about anything now. She still doesn’t know everything, but she kinda assumes the worst any time I go to California, anyway.”

Zac snorted. “Gee, I wonder why.”

I gave him a look. Everyone knew Los Angeles was my own personal Sin City; it was no surprise that was where this whole thing with Scott started. After a moment’s pause and a sigh, I added, “So anyway… she’s not stupid; she knows things are bad. We’ve got a lot to talk about when I get home, I guess, but I think we’re both dreading it.”

“I’m sorry,” Zac said, giving me a sympathetic nod. “Do you want me to go? You can keep the beer and pizza.”

Somewhat to my own surprise, I replied, “You can stay. As long as you’re not gonna get on my case for how I treat Natalie again.”

Zac sighed. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You weren’t wrong,” I replied, giving him a dismissive shrug.

“No… but that doesn’t make what I said right.”

“Well,” I replied, “I’m sorry for what I said, too.”

Zac mimicked my shrug. “As far as you knew, you were right.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He sighed, then gave me a careful look, the depth in his eyes surprising me. “I haven’t told anyone this; I didn’t want to say anything until it was over and done with.”

“Until what was over and done with?” I had a faint inkling as to what, but it couldn’t be. Could it?

Zac glanced down. “The divorce.”

“The divorce? As in… your divorce?”

He glanced back up, an eyebrow raised. “No, the Queen of England’s. Yes, mine.”

“Very funny,” I replied, giving him a faint glare. “But you’re… you and Kate. You’re seriously getting divorced.”

“It’s a good thing you’re so pretty.” Zac smirked.

I gave an exaggerated pout. “I’m not gonna let you stay if you’re gonna be mean.”

“Sorry,” Zac apologized quickly, but it actually sounded sincere.

“It’s okay,” I replied.

“So, yeah,” he said. “We filed about six months ago; I signed my half of the final paperwork over the break. She’ll be out of the house before Christmas. If you’d shown up earlier on Thanksgiving, you would have known, too, but whatever.”

“Wow.” I actually felt my eyes widening as he spoke. I wasn’t even upset that he had called me out for the disaster I had made of the holiday. I had known something was strange that day, but I thought it was all about me. This was still a shock, but in a strange way, it made sense.

“Like I said—if I wanted to leave Kate, I’d leave her.” With a shrug, he added, “And I did.”

“I guess you did…” Softly, I added, “She didn’t deserve you, anyway.”

He glanced up and gave me a tiny smile. “Natalie doesn’t deserve you either, you know.”

I shrugged. Leaving her wouldn’t be as painless as Zac’s secret divorce seemed to be, and so I didn’t see the point in even talking about it.

“Neither does Scott,” Zac added.

“Well, he’s got me,” I replied firmly. With a frown, I added, “And Natalie does, too… for now, anyway.”

Zac sighed, falling silent for a moment. Finally, he asked, “Tay? Do you think we could get back to being us? You know, Zac and Tay, brothers, best friends?”

“I hope so,” I replied honestly. Thinking of the conversation I’d had with Scott, I added, “I don’t wanna lose you, Zac.”

He nodded, eyes on the floor. “Don’t wanna lose you, either.”

I scooted closer to him, tentatively. Biting my lip a bit, I said, “I don’t know where this came from, you being all nice tonight, but I like it. I missed you, you know.”

“Missed you, too.” There was a hint of a smile on Zac’s face, and it gave me hope that maybe things could somehow go back to being okay between the two of us.

“So…” I said, giving him a smile. “Can I have a beer, then?”

“Of course.” Zac chuckled, pulling one from the case and handing it to me. “Sorry for being so moody lately.”

“Thank you,” I replied, popping the top and taking a sip. “And it’s okay, just as long as it doesn’t happen again, alright?”

“I’ll try,” Zac replied, biting his lip somewhat nervously.

I shook my head. “It’s not an order, Zac. You’re just… just no fun to be around when you’re moody like that, especially when it feels like it might be my fault.”

“Not your fault,” Zac replied, shaking his head. Lowering his voice a bit, he added, “I’ve just been kinda… pent up.”

“Oh. _Oh._ ” It took a moment for me to realize the full meaning of Zac’s words, but it made sense. After all, I knew he was involved, in some way, with a new Dom, and I doubted he had gotten any from Kate.

He gave a tiny smirk. “I’m trying to be good.”

“Well, you’re doing pretty good tonight,” I replied with a smirk of my own. So _that_ was why he had given me the cheesy peace offering. It made a bit more sense now.

He gave a slight sigh. “It’s not just tonight. I’m not allowed to… you know. At all.”

“Ouch,” I replied. “That’s a little harsh isn’t it?”

He gave a shrug and a smirk that lit up his entire face. “Worth it.”

“I’m not even going to ask.”

Zac chuckled. “Trust me, with what she—”

“She?” He cut himself off, but I was sure I had heard him correctly. After everything, I wasn’t so sure Zac was into women at all. Sure, he had been with Kate for years, but he hadn’t even shown _that_ much interest in her. “Your Dom… is a woman?”

Blushing, he gave the tiniest of nods. “Her name’s Lily.”

“Cute.”

“Damn straight,” Zac replied, that infernal smirk returning.

“Sounds like you really like her…” I said softly. There was something in his expression, beneath the smirk, something that I wasn’t sure I had seen since… well, I didn’t want to think about it.

“Well… she’s a good Domme,” Zac said, his expression going a bit blank, as though he hadn’t really considered how he felt about her.

“Yeah, you made that pretty clear,” I replied dryly.

He nodded. “It’s not just the physical stuff, though. She has this way of getting in my head… I like talking to her.”

“That’s good, Zac. You deserve to be happy.” Somewhat in spite of myself, I gave him a smile. He _did_ deserve to be happy; I couldn’t deny that. That didn’t mean I wasn’t sad that I couldn’t be the one to make him that happy.

He gave a slight shrug. “I’m kinda not even worried about that anymore. I mean, sure, I wanna get my money’s worth, but it’s like… like I wanna make her happy too, ya know?”

“Your money’s worth?” I repeated. His _what_?

Zac stared blankly at me. “She’s a professional Domme. What’d you think, I picked her up at a bar?”

“I… I didn’t know _how_ you met her, Zac,” I replied. There was so much more I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted to say, but all I could do was point out the obvious.

“Oh,” he said. “Well, now you do, I guess.”

“I guess I do,” I replied. “I just… you weren’t talking about her like, like you were paying her.”

Zac blinked up at me, looking strangely innocent. “I don’t really think about it like that. Not usually anyway.”

“How do you think about it, then?” What was happening here? What had my little brother gotten himself into? And how had I been so clueless to, well, everything happening in his life? The answer to that, I knew, was that I had been too wrapped up in my own life, and I couldn’t go back in time and undo that. I could only hope that now that Zac had seen fit to include me in his life again, I could be there for him if he needed me to pick up the pieces of this strange arrangement he had gotten himself into.

“Well, she’s like… like…” Zac began, his expression going a bit distance and his smile falling.

“She’s like what, Zac?” I prodded, my voice low.

He turned his head away from me, his hair blocking any attempt to read his expression. “Nothing. Nevermind.”

“Zac…” I said softly, scooting just a tiny bit closer to him. “Like I said, you deserve to be happy.”

“Yeah…” He mumbled, nodding softly. After a moment he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “I think I like her.”

“Okay…” I replied, knowing this was just the tip of the iceberg. If I gave him a moment, he would break and say all that he wanted to say.

“And I think she might like me too. I don’t know, I can’t tell if she’s flirting with me because she wants to or because I’m a paying customer. God, that sounds dirty…” He trailed off, bringing his legs up onto the bed and curling up. He was receding back into his shell, and I didn’t like that. It was a step backward, and not what either one of us needed.

I inched closer to him, still afraid to actually touch him. “Well, it is kinda her job to make you happy, right? But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible that she likes you, too.”

Zac shrugged.

Sensing that there wasn’t much more I could say along those lines, especially since I only knew his side of the story, I said softly, “Tell me about her.”

“She’s really sweet,” he began, just a hint of a twinkle coming back into his eyes, “but strict, too. But not like… harsh. She has this dry sense of humor, but she’s really funny. She just seems so generous and caring; she’s always asking me about myself and trying to figure me out.”

Of course I didn’t know from experience, but that didn’t sound exactly like a professional Domme’s behavior to me. It sounded more like what I shared with Scott; it wasn’t just about pure domination. It was about getting under your sub’s skin, understanding their needs and fulfilling those.

“Sounds perfect for you,” I replied, giving him a genuine smile. “And it sounds like she cares about you, too.”

“Yeah, well. She could just be a really great actress.”

That was true; I couldn’t dispute that. But I also couldn’t dispute the change I was seeing in Zac. Professional or not, she was having a positive impact on him.

“Well, I don’t know her,” I said. “So I can’t say. But from the way you look when you talk about her? I can see how much she means to you.”

He gave me a cautious smile. “That obvious?”

“Yup,” I replied. “It’s kinda cute, though.”

Zac just chuckled and rolled his eyes. It was cute, though. It made my heart ache a little bit, knowing it couldn’t be me making him that happy, but it didn’t do any good to dwell on that jealousy. I had, I realized, spent years jealous of his wife, my anger growing with every hint that she wasn’t what he needed. Now… now I realized he might have found a person that was. How could I be upset about that, even if that person wasn’t me?

Softly, I added, “Just… just don’t give up or second guess yourself, okay?”

“Okay…” Zac said, nodding. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” I replied, smiling. It was bittersweet, but I knew I had to swallow down that hard lump in my throat ignore the jealousy if even one of us ever had any hope of real happiness. Zac didn’t return my smile; in fact, his expression seemed only to sadden. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said. After a beat, he asked, “Scott really makes you happy, huh?”

“Yeah. He really does.” I wasn’t an idiot; I knew this relationship with him had caused me to make some terrible decisions, making an even bigger mess of my life than it was to begin with, but it was all because I believed in the connection we had. It had to be right. It just had to. And eventually, I was sure, time would show that we were both right where we needed to be when we were together.

Zac glanced down. “Then I guess I have to be happy for you.”

“You don’t _have_ to be anything, Zac.” I sighed. “I know how much it hurts to see someone you love with someone else.”

His eyes fell shut and he nodded.

“It’s not easy, but if you love them, then you just want them to be happy… even if it’s not with you. You know?”

“Yeah,” he replied, finally meeting my eyes. There were tears just starting to pool in the corners of his, threatening to fall.

“So… I guess I have to be happy for you, too. And I hope things work out, with Lily.”

Zac looked thoughtful, his head tilting a bit to the side. “Tay?”

“Yeah?”

He chewed his bottom lip a bit before speaking again. “If… if I’d said something sooner… before you met Scott…”

“Things happen the way they happen, Zac. Thinking about what you’d do if you could go back in time doesn’t make it better. Trust me on that.” It wasn’t the answer he wanted, and truthfully, I couldn’t answer his question at all. Things _would_ have been different, but I wasn’t so sure it would have been a good different—then again, maybe. Just maybe.

Zac frowned. Of course it wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“I don’t know if things would have worked out differently, Zac,” I replied honestly. “But… can we just make the best of the way things are now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we can.” He gave me a sad smile.

“Good,” I said. “I’m not gonna lose you, damn it.”

“Of course not. We’re brothers,” Zac replied, his head tilting further to the side, a curious look on his face, as though what I had just said made no sense at all.

I sighed. “I know, but… but things could still come between us.”

Zac gave a soft sigh of his own, realization of a sort seeming to dawn on him as he placed a reassuring hand on my knee. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Good,” I replied, playing my hand over his. “I’m not either.”

“Tay, I…” Zac stuttered out, his bottom lip jutting out in a bit of a pout, as though he were frustrated that he couldn’t seem to say what he wanted.

“What?” I prodded gently

“I… I still…” He glanced away and muttered, “You know.”

“I know. I do too.”

He turned back to look at me then, giving me a sad smile and lacing his fingers with mine. Maybe things would be okay between us. We couldn’t be together, that was clear, but none of that changed the way we felt. Maybe that was for the best.

“Thanks for coming over tonight,” I said. “Even if we have let the pizza get cold.”

Zac chuckled. “Cold pizza’s even better, though.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Hand me a slice?”

He didn’t let go of my hand, instead using his non-dominant one to reach awkwardly into the box and pull out a slice of the good, but cold, stuff. Holding it in front of my face, he said, “Say ‘ah.’”

I rolled my eyes, but nonetheless opened my mouth wide. “Ah.”

With a giggle, Zac shoved half the slice into my mouth all at once, leaving me coughing and sputtering around it.

“Bastard,” I mumbled, giving him a shove as I chewed.

“Yeah, right,” he said, giggling. “You love me.”

“Yeah, yeah… whatever.” I rolled my eyes, but I knew that he knew the truth.

I did love him, in a dozen or more ways that I shouldn’t have loved my brother. None of that had or would change, even if it was becoming clear that our relationship would never again be what it was during the first leg of this tour.


	17. Chapter 17

Dec. 9, 2013. Tour bus somewhere outside of Cardiff, Wales.

**_Zac_ **

The next few days were better than most of the tour, for a number of reasons. I started hanging out with Taylor again; there were still awkward moments now and then, but we would watch a movie together, or go get pre-show lunch, or just sit and talk about whatever was on our minds. It felt good to have my best friend back.

I wanted to call Lily, but I was nervous. After what Tay had said, I started to consider just how much I really did like her. She’d agreed to have me come over as a “date”, but that was just part of the game. Wasn't it?

And even if I did like her, what did that matter? I got the sense she possibly liked me too, but how could I know how much of that was real, if any of it even was? There was so little I actually knew about her as a person. And I'd withheld so much about my own life, too. Out of necessity, of course, but how could she like me if she didn't even really know me?

It didn't really matter, I decided. For now, things were good. Anything more serious could wait until after the tour anyway. So a few nights later I settled into my domain at the back of the bus and dialed her number.

“Hello Zac.”

“Evening, beautiful.” I couldn't keep myself from grinning as soon as I heard her voice and even more at her soft chuckle.

“Well someone's in a good mood.”

“Yup. How are you?”

“A bit tired, but I can't really complain.”

“Working hard?” I asked. The words left a bad taste in my mouth as soon as I said them.

“Something like that. Not the way you're thinking,” she added.

“Oh I wasn’t… I didn't mean…” I was and I did, but I didn't want her to think that was all I thought about with her.

“I don't like to discuss my other customers, anyway. But no, it was a long day at my regular office. The boring one.”

“Sorry to hear that.” As I said it, I realized I really was sorry. I would've have asked either way, but it struck me that I really did care how her day was.

“It's fine. I've got my tea and a good book, so like I said, I can't complain now.”

“That's good,” I said, my smile returning. “What book is it?”

“Pride and Prejudice, for probably the hundredth time. It's my favorite.”

“I love that one.”

“Wouldn't have figured you for a romance fan.”

“I'm just full of surprises.” My mom had made me read it the first time, for an English assignment, but something about it had just struck me as so elegant and poetic. I rarely told anyone, but I had a worn-out, dog-eared copy that I always took with me on tour. I decided to pull it out and read a bit after our call.

“Indeed you are,” she said, her light laugh making me grin again.

“Hopefully good ones?”

“I've got no complaints so far. So, how are you tonight?”

“Good, we had a great show tonight.”

“That's good. Leave 'em crying in the aisles?”

“I wouldn't say crying exactly,” I said with a chuckle. There were plenty of times when someone in the front row would just be too overwhelmed, but I hadn't noticed any of that at this show.

“Weeping?” She said, her time turning playful. “Sobbing? Or just… screaming for you?”

“Screaming. Always screaming.” It never ceases to amaze me, and frankly make me more than a little nervous, just how loud or audience could get. Our 140 decibel crowd from a show in Canada when we were first starting out was a thing of legend to this day.

“I bet,” she said, laughing again. 

“And panting,” I said, lowering my voice. “And sweating…”

“I bet. I'm sure they all left… satisfied.”

“Not quite. Always gotta leave them wanting more.”

“Tease.” She chuckled.

“Takes one to know one,” I fired back.

“Fair enough. Just tell me you at least got out from behind the drums. It’s a shame to hide yourself back there.”

“Yeah, I played guitar for my solo. Little quiet time, little more… intimate.”

“Intimate?” she laughed. “In a building full of screaming women who want you?”

“Oh they don't _all_ want me. There's two other guys.” Sure the split was anything but even, but each of us had our own little mini-fanclubs.

“So maybe they don't all want you. It wouldn't be nice not to leave a few groupies for the others, hmm?”

“They've got plenty, trust me,” I laughed. “Especially the pianist.”

“I've always preferred drummers,” she said softly, and I felt my cheeks heat up.

“That so? They say drummers do it better…”

“Do they really?”

“Mhm. All about rhythm.”

“Oh of course, that makes sense.” She gave a little laugh, but her voice was a little breathy, and I had to bite my lip.

“Plenty of practice banging things.”

That earned me a snort, the sexual mood gone. “Oh, you're awful.”

“Aw, I thought that was funny.” I smiled, even through my fake attempt at offense.

“That was horrible. You're just lucky I love a bad joke.”

“Well then I'm the man for you,” I replied. 

“You certainly are… entertaining.”

“That almost sounded like an insult,” I said after a moment. I knew she hadn't meant it as one, or at least I hoped not.

“No, it wasn't. Honestly.” Her smile came through in her voice, and I believed her.

“I love your laugh.” I hadn't exactly meant to blurt that out, but it was true. Her laugh, and her voice in general, was like music. Like soft jazz, sultry and smooth, but with a playful edge.

“Thank you, Zac.” She gave one last chuckle, then cleared her throat. When she spoke again, she was definitely in Mistress mode. “So, Zac, have you been good?”

“Yes Mistress,” I said, unable to wipe the grin from my face.

“That's good. No touching yourself? And you've been nice to everyone?”

“Mhm. I even made up with… him. We're on our way back to being friends; it's good.” I wished I could tell her just how much it meant to me, her help in pushing me to make amends with Taylor.

“That is good. I know it can be tough being friends with someone when you have… a history.”

“Yeah. But I don't wanna lose him, either.”

“Of course not. I can tell he still means a lot to you. And I'm sure you do to him as well.”

“I think so. I hope so, anyway. But he's happy.” It still hurt, thinking of Taylor being so happy with Scott. But it was obvious that he was, moreso than he had been with Natalie in years, if ever.

“It's possible for him to be happy with someone else and still care about you, you know.”

“Yeah, I do know.”

“Zac,” she said, her voice softer. “i know that knowing that and really understanding it isn't the same thing. It's hard to be happy when someone you love is with someone else.”

“Yeah. But when you find someone new to care about, someone that feels the same, you can almost forget you were ever hurt at all.” I was treading thin ice with that statement, but it was true enough, whether it applied to us or not.

“I… I suppose so,” she said carefully, and I knew she could tell what I was getting at.

“I missed your voice,” I told her, wanting to see how much she'd let me open up.

“I know,” she sighed. “I missed yours too.”

“You did?” I asked, smiling.

“Of course.”

“You don't have to tell me what I want to hear, you know.” I hoped my words didn't sound as bitter to her as they did to me; I really didn't mean it as any more than exactly what I'd said.

“Who said I was?”

“I can't wait to see you… Lily.”

“It won't be long,” she said with a tiny sigh, and I felt a pull in my chest.

“I hope not. I miss your smile.”

“Is _that_ what you miss about me?” She asked, sounding less than convinced.

“Honestly? Yes, that's the part I miss most.”

“I'd like to see more of your smile.”

“Well you'd see plenty if you could see me now. Talking to you always makes me smile.” Or talking about her, or even thinking about her, but she didn't need to know all that.

“I'm glad. You should smile more; it's a good look for you.”

“Thank you, really.”

“You're welcome.”

We were both quiet for a minute. I thought about our upcoming 'date’. It was a good plan, but I felt like it was missing something. Suddenly, I got an idea.

“Do you like to dance?” I asked her.

“That's a bit random, isn't it? But yes, I do.”

“I’m pretty random. Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?”

“What kind of dancing are we talking here?”

“Whatever kind you'd like,” I told her. Then, I took a breath and added, “As long as I get to hold you.”

“I suppose we could dance,” she said with a little sigh.

“I'd like that. I might sweep you off your feet,” I chuckled.

“So you play three instruments, paint, cook _and_ dance? My, you are talented.”

“I sing, too."

“Now you’re just showing off.”

“Maybe,” I laughed. “Are you impressed?”

“I might be. I'll have to see a few of those talents firsthand.”

“Well you're going to on our date, remember?”

I'd said it. I held my breath, waiting for her to either confirm or deny the label.

“Yes… I am.”

I blinked a couple times, waiting for her to say more, but that was it. But instead of feeling joy at her lack of argument, I just felt… wrong. The reality of the situation crashed down on me all at once. Of course she wasn’t going to say anything; if her client wanted to call a session a date, that didn't make it one.

“I know it's not really a date,” I told her with a heavy sigh. “I'm not that delusional.”

“You can call it whatever you like, Zac,” she said with a sigh of her own, but all I heard was that I had been right. She was just playing the game, and I was an idiot.

“Zac?” She said when I went silent for a few seconds.

“Yeah?”

“Is... everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I wished I could take back the whole thing, but of course I couldn't. “We can just forget it if you want. I know you'd probably prefer your book and your tea.”

“Forget about… our date?” she said, and I let out a derisive snort. “Zac… I want to see you. Whatever we call it, I want you to come see me again.”

I picked over her words, trying to wrap my head around what they could mean. 

“You do?”

“Of course I do. I'm still not sick of you,” she added, a smile in her tone.

I wanted so badly to believe it was real, but I just couldn't. I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes.

“You're not gonna lose me as a customer, so you don't need to humor me.”

“I'm not humoring you.”

“You're not?” I couldn't keep my voice from shaking a little. Was it possible that she really was starting to think of me as just a person? One she could come to care about?

“No. I'm not.” Her voice held the same tremble mine had, and I felt my stomach flip.

“Lily…”

“Yes, Zac?”

“What if…” The word were on the top of my tongue, but I was scared, so scared of sticking my foot in my mouth.

“What if what?” If I didn't know better, I would've said she sounded every bit as nervous as I felt. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed past the fear. “What if I wasn’t your customer?”

Silence hung thick between us. The seconds ticked by, each one another nail in my emotional coffin.

“I'm sorry, forget I asked.”

“I'm… I'm not sure what you're asking me.”

“Just forget it. Stupid question.”

“...Okay,” She said, and let out a long breath. At least she hadn't rejected me, and I supposed that was better than nothing.

“Can we still have our… our date?” I asked, hoping I wasn't pushing too far.

“Of course we can.”

“Good. I… I'm really looking forward to it.”

“I… I am too.”

I felt physically exhausted from the emotional whiplash. I'd risked so much, speaking my feelings like that. I didn't even fully understand what those feelings were, but it was impossible to deny anymore that they were there. I didn't know if Lily feel the same or not. It felt like it, but how could I be sure it wasn't all just a game? Only one thing I knew for sure. I had to see her again.


	18. Chapter 18

Dec. 9, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.

_**Scott** _

The last few days had been pretty hectic. I’d spent most of my time in the studio, laying down demo tracks. It felt good to be recording again, almost like the good old days, with my brothers. My brothers…

I felt like shit that Tay and Zac were fighting. They had their reasons, both of them screwing up one way or another, but still. I knew I was at least partly to blame for their falling out. Not as much as I was for losing touch with my own siblings, though.

Sure, it wasn't totally my fault. There's only so much you can do to come back from the shit we all got into. Running a train on a guys ass changes how you look at him; and vice versa, I guess, though I'd never been on the receiving end. 

Dave. My little brother, the biggest cockslut of us all. I'd always been closest to him, a lot like Zac and Taylor were before things went to hell. Maybe that's why he was on my mind so much now. I wondered what he was up to.

My phone rang, shaking me from my thoughts; for the briefest instant, I thought it might actually be Dave, unlikely as that was. Still, I smiled when I saw Tay's name. 

“Taylor, hey.”

“Hey Scott.”

“How’s it going, babe?”

“Pretty good actually,” he said. “Surprisingly.”

“How's that?”

“Well, things with Zac... have umm, been a lot better. Kind of a sudden change, but it's good, I think.”

“That’s really good. I'm glad you're working it out.” I felt a lump in my throat even as I smiled.

“Yeah. It's been… interesting. I wasn't sure we were going to at first.”

“So what happened?” I asked. “Did you talk to him?”

“Well I tried to at first, but he was… kinda mean. I deserved it, though, what he said about me.”

A spark of anger flared. Even if Zac was a hundred percent right, that didn't stop me from wanting to punch him for hurting Tay.

“What did he say.”

“Just…” Tay sighed, and my protective side wanted so bad to hold him right then. “Just some stuff about how I was treating Natalie. And that his new Domme was way better than me.”

I paused, not sure I heard the last part right.

“He's got a new Dom?”

“Apparently.”

“Is he being safe? Where'd he meet him?” I knew Zac was new to the lifestyle, and so I couldn't help being just a little worried.

“Her.”

“Oh.” Well then. That was something I hadn't expected at all.

“And um… She's a professional Domme. So I guess she does know what she's doing better than I do.”

“Good for him,” I said, chuckling. I guessed I didn't need to worry about the kid after all, if he had the smarts to go a pro. “Don't worry, babe; he'll be okay.”

“Yeah. I think he will. Physically, at least. I think he likes her, though. I mean, _likes_ her.”

“Oh. That's… complicated.”

“Yeah. You should see the way his face lights up when he talks about her, though. I just hope she feels the same.”

“Yeah, that could get… messy.” Once again, I was reminded of my brothers. Messy was putting it mild when it came to the tangled web of emotions there. That was a big part of why we all split off, really. Clint and Bob had always been joined at the hip, but Dave and me… it was almost scary how similar my past with him was to the mess Tay and Zac were in, wives and boyfriends aside.

“But anyway, how are you?” I asked, needing a distraction.

“I’m good,” he sighed. “I’m glad that Zac and I talked. At least I'm not gonna be totally miserable for the rest of the tour. He, um… he had some other news for me, though.”

“Just full of surprises, ain't he?” I chuckled.

“You can say that again. He and Kate filed for divorce six months ago.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. They didn't tell anyone. I don't think Natalie even knew.”

“Again, wow.” From what I'd heard, Tay and Zac's wives had been bffs since they were kids, so to keep a secret like that must've been a big deal.

“Yeah… So he wasn't being that much of a hypocrite for judging me, I guess.”

“Still not right,” I told him, the protective Dom in me wanting to keep him safe.

“Well, he apologized. And I think he really meant it, too. He wasn't just being nice because his Domme told him to.”

“That's good. I can tell you guys are really close.”

“Yeah, we are. It's strange how there's so much we didn't know about each other even though we're so close, but yeah. And I think it's gonna be okay.”

“That's really good, babe.” I felt the lump in my throat again, memories of just how close Dave and I used to be.

“Yeah,” he sighed, sounding sincerely happy. “Yeah it is.”

“Miss you,” I said softly. Even though I was always the one in control, right then I really needed him there.

“I miss you too. I hope I can come see you as soon as possible after the tour.”

“You better,” I said with a dark laugh.

“I will. It's just, you know, I've got some… unfinished business… to deal with first.”

“Oh?”

“Like talking to my wife?”

“Oh yeah, that,” I said sourly.

“She's been pretty upset with me since I visited you.”

“I'd say sorry, but I'd be lying.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, laughing softly. “She doesn't know about you, exactly. But she's good at assuming the worst, so she knows I've been… unfaithful. Again.” 

I let out a heavy sigh, but he spoke up before I could say anything.

“I’m not really sure how I'm gonna explain it all to her, but… I know I need to. I need to talk to her.”

“And then what?” I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to.

“And then… Then I hope we'll be getting a divorce, too. I can only imagine what she'll say if I suggest it, though…”

I held my breath. We'd danced around it, but hearing him flat-out say it was something else.

“You're really gonna leave her?”

“I…” Tay started, then let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Tay.”

“What?”

“I love you.” I'd never said the words without meaning them, but I'd never meant them this much. I didn't know how else to express the overwhelming, almost frightening surge of emotion. I just had to pray he understood.

“I love you too,” he said softly, and I had a feeling that yeah, he understood perfectly.

“So, if you get divorced, does that mean…”

“Does it mean what?”

“Does it mean I get to keep you?” I didn't know what it was about my love for Taylor that turned me into such a cheesy sap. But he seemed to enjoy it, so maybe it wasn't so bad.

“Yes, you do.”

“Good.”

“I mean, it's gonna be… probably kinda messy for a while, but I'm yours, Scott. That's not gonna change.”

“I'm yours, too, Tay,” I told him. I looked down at the ring in my finger and smiled. I'd never wanted to be anyone's before, never wanted to belong to anyone. But that was then, and this was now, and I was happy--proud, even--to be Tay’s.

“Good,” he sighed. “I’m glad you're willing to put up with all my shit.”

“You're putting up with mine,” I pointed out. “So I guess I can put up with yours.”

“I guess we've both got a little baggage, huh?”

“I don't mind sharing.”

“Me either. But hopefully I can… get rid of some of my baggage soon. That sounds bad,” he added after a moment. “I'm not gonna kill her, just divorce her.” He gave a nervous laugh, and I smiled.

“Hey, whatever works.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. She's still gonna have to the in my life in some way, though. I mean we have five kids.”

“Right, of course. I'd never try to take that.”

“I know. I'd like for you to meet the kids though. At some point.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Eh, I don't know. I'm not really a kid… person.” Or a person that should be allowed anywhere near kids, I thought to myself.

“Aw, but my kids are the best,” he said, and I could hear him grinning. “Much more awesome than normal kids. Not that they're not normal. You know what I mean.”

“Okay, I'll take your word for it.” I chuckled, his fatherly pride sweet.

“You'll like them, I promise. I can't guarantee Penny won't try to put makeup on you…”

“Wouldn't be the first time.” I laughed, thinking back to one particularly crazy weekend in New York.

“That sounds like a story I need to hear.”

“Maybe.” I chuckled.

“Okay. Penny's all about the makeovers though. I played a show with pink nail polish on last year thanks to her.”

“Nice,” I laughed, trying to picture it. I had to admit, with his looks, the thought of Tay in drag had crossed my mind once or twice. I wondered if he was sub enough to put up with that.

“Yeah, I totally forgot about it until some fans noticed. That was fun.”

“I'll bet,” I said, a little distracted by thoughts of Tay all made up.

“She's great, though. She's a little princess. Not too happy about sharing that position with the new baby, though. I think she'd much rather be the only girl.”

“Shell get over it.”

“Maybe. She's got a little diva in her. And Ezra’s just my mini-me. It's kinda freaky.”

“Bet he'll be a heartbreaker.”

“Probably,” Tay chuckled. “River and Viggo are great, too. They're all pretty awesome. I'd… I'd really like for you to meet them.”

It was clear how happy his kids made him, and it made me love him just a little more. Maybe the idea of kids wasn't so bad after all.

“I think I'd like that too.”

“Good. I don't know when, but we'll make it happen someday.”

“Good.” 

I sighed. I was getting used to it, but all the heavy emotions were still exhausting, made worse by the distance. “I wanna see you soon, babe.”

“I know. It'll be soon, I promise.”

“Oh, hey. I'm going into the studio again next week.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep. Bringing in a few session guys, trying to round out these demos. Try and put something together I can actually start shopping around.”

“Wow. Scott, that's really good. I'm happy for you.”

“Yeah, well… I'm not getting my hopes up yet it anything. But it feels like…” I sighed again, and leaned my head back. “Like I'm finally doing something again. Something that _means_ something.”

“I'm sure it'll sound great. I can't wait to hear it.”

“This us all your fault, just so you know. You make me want to get my shit together. To be something.”

“You _are_ something, Scott.”

“Yeah, yeah… Something more than a washed-up teen idol.”

“Hey, that's all a lot of people think I am. But… you're more than that. Most people just haven't gotten the chance to see it.”

“Haven't really wanted to show anyone else,” I said softly.

“Well I'm glad that I've been lucky enough to get to see you.”

“Me too.”

“I love you Scott,” he whispered, and it felt like all the scars on my heart were finally starting to mend.

“I love you too, Taylor.”


	19. Chapter 19

Dec. 11, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

_**Lily** _

In just a week, everything I thought I knew about myself had seemed to change. Zac’s phone calls came with more than the weekly regularity I had asked of him, and with each conversation I learned more about both of us.

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was determined to maintain at least the thinnest veneer of a professional relationship. Zac had to see through it by this point, but as long as neither of us said anything about it, we could carry on without any fear of it all blowing up in our faces the way I feared a romantic relationship would.

Still, I couldn’t deny, at least to myself, the way I practically longed for his calls. As I settled into bed with a new book on my Kindle, I couldn’t resist checking my phone in case I had missed a call. Sure enough, I had made it only partway into the second chapter when I heard the ringtone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lily.”

“Hey, Zac,” I replied, hating how casual I sounded. “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” he said. “The tour’s going great, Europe’s beautiful, but I’m looking forward to coming home.”

“I’ll bet. It’ll be good to be back at home, yeah? Sleeping in your own bed again?”

Zac chuckled. “Yeah, these tour bus bunks aren’t as glamorous as they sound.”

“I can imagine.” What I was imagining, in fact, was Zac desperately trying to get himself off as quietly as possible in one of those bunks. “I’m sure you still have fun on tour, though.”

“Oh yeah, tons. We had this huge Nerf gun battle the other day in the parking lot, with the fans picking sides.”

I laughed loudly. The idea of Zac playing like a child made me glad; he seemed to carry too much weight on his shoulders. If he was taking the opportunity to have fun, that was good. “You weren’t kidding when you said it wasn’t all sex, drugs and rock n roll. That’s cute, though.”

“Yeah, we’re all just big kids, really. We grew up doing this, so I guess we didn’t really ever grow up.”

“Sounds like a fun way to grow up, though,” I replied, chuckling softly.

Zac sighed. “Yes and no.”

“Well, everything has its good and bad points. The grass is always greener and all that.” I couldn’t even imagine a life like Zac’s, in a touring band, but I knew my life wasn’t exactly conventional either. Perhaps we had more in common than I had thought.

“Yeah, I’m not complaining. I’ve got a good life.”

“But you still wonder what it might be like to have a more… normal life?”

“Mhm,” he replied. “But I’ve tried. It didn’t really work out.”

“How so?” I asked. I sat my Kindle aside; this was poised to be a long, heavy conversation, although I wasn’t sure yet what direction it might take.

He gave another heavy sigh. “Can I be totally honest with you?”

“Of course,” I replied automatically. Could he? _Should_ he? But it was too late; I had made my grave.

“I like you,” Zac said almost inaudibly. “A lot.”

“I know that,” I admitted with a sigh of my own.

“I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I know you probably don’t feel the same, but I just needed you to know.”

“Zac, I…” I began. I couldn’t tell him. But I couldn’t lie, either. The words wouldn’t come. Luckily, he had provided a distraction from any confessions I might have made. “What does that have to do with your attempt at a normal life?”

“How much do you know about me?” He asked, and I wondered what that had to do with anything.

“Only what you’ve told me.”

“So, you don’t know anything about who I am?”

“Aside from what you’ve told me?” I asked, more than a little perplexed. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

“Okay, well…” He gave another slight sigh. “My real last name is Hanson.”

“Oh,” I said dully. “I’m guessing it’s not a coincidence that you’re a musician with that last name?”

“No,” he replied, and I could practically hear his smirk at how slow I must have seemed not to have realized his identity. “My name’s Zac Hanson, I’m a drummer, I live in Tulsa…”

“And I wasn’t a fan of… well, that sort of music. I was nearly out of high school when you hit it big; far too mature, cool and goth to be a teenybopper. Not that there’s anything wrong with your music, I’m sure, but you can forgive me for not putting two and two together sooner.”

“No problem,” he replied. His tone going serious again, he said, “But the thing is, I filed for divorce six months ago; we just finished up the paperwork after Thanksgiving.”

“You’re… you were married.” I didn’t know why that shocked me. I’d had married clients before, after all; their marital status was none of my business. In fact, I made it a point to stay out of that aspect of their lives. Yet, knowing what little I did know about Zac, I never would have guessed.

“We were married for seven years. We, uh, we have two kids together. We were already separated long before I started talking to you, but technically… yes. I was married.”

“Okay,” I breathed out, trying to digest everything he had thrown at me so quickly. It felt as though I knew him so intimately, yet there were clearly large, important swathes of his life that were a total mystery to me. “Well, I have… I mean—there’s no rule against… being married.”

He gave another soft sigh. Very softly, he said, “There’s more.”

“More?”

“You have no idea how badly I wish I didn’t have to tell you.” His tone of voice made my heart feel like it was breaking. I knew that just being famous didn’t mean his life was perfect, but what could possibly be so bad as to make him sound like that?

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” I said as reassuringly as I could manage, “but I do appreciate your honesty.”

“I’ll understand if I don’t hear from you again after this.”

“You know I’m not the judgmental type, Zac.”

He snorted. “Just wait.”

“Alright. I’m waiting.” My tone was just this side of my professional voice; I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of his beating around the bush. Whatever it was, he clearly needed to get it off his chest.

“The guy I wanted… that I couldn’t have…” Zac said softly. “The fact that he’s a guy was the least of our problems.”

“Okay…” I replied, not quite sure I was following. I already knew his Dom was married and having another affair; I didn’t even know the guy, but if I’d had a shitlist, he would have been a strong candidate for it.

“Taylor,” Zac said, his voice so soft I wasn’t sure I had heard him at all, let alone correctly.

“That’s… isn’t that your brother’s name?” Why had I even known that? I wasn’t a Hanson fan; that hadn’t been a lie at all. But every teenage girl in the world had noticed Taylor Hanson and his strange, inhuman sort of beauty. Zac had clearly grown into his own looks, but they were more understated than his ethereal, androgynous teenager brother’s had been.

“Yes,” he replied weakly, and I was sure the word was accompanied by a sniffle.

“Oh, Zac…” I said, and he only sniffled again. “Well, I can certainly understand why you were so worried about… not wanting to lose him…”

“Yeah…”

“Is that why you were—forgive the pun—beating yourself up? When you came to me?” The answer to that was quite obvious, but I still felt the need to ask. The more I asked and got him to talk, the less I would need to think and actually process what he had told me.

“Yes.”

“Well, that… that makes a bit more sense, now. I wondered why you seemed so ashamed of what you wanted. Not that that in itself is unusual for my clients, but your situation… seemed different.”

His only response to that was a snort.

“You don’t have to worry about not hearing from me again, Zac.”

“I… I don’t?” He asked, and I had to admit I was a little surprised by that, too.

Why wasn’t I running in fear? Perhaps I should have been. If nothing else, I owed it to him as a client to listen to whatever he had to say without judgment or fear that I would breach the confidentiality agreement I had with all my clients. But even with that contract in place, he had to wonder if I would blab to the world that little Zac Hanson was in love with his brother. I wouldn’t, of course, and I hoped deep down he knew that. The fact that he trusted me enough to tell me at all… somehow, it made me want to do the exact opposite of run away.

“Of course not,” I said softly. “I told you, I am _not_ the judgmental type. You’re safe with me, Zac. I promise.”

“Thank you,” he replied, the words coming out in a sigh of relief.

“You’re welcome,” I said. “Obviously it wasn’t the… healthiest relationship, but… you love him. That much is obvious, and I can’t judge that.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not going to happen again. And I’m okay with that. He has Scott, and he’s happy.”

“As I said the last time we talked, I know it’s hard to be happy for someone you love when they’re with someone new. But sometimes it _is_ for the best.”

“Yeah…”

“Can I… can I ask how that happened?” I asked, instantly hating myself for how nosy that had sounded. “I mean, how did that relationship develop? I’m sorry; you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want.”

“No, it’s okay,” Zac replied. He fell silent for a moment, before speaking again. “I guess I fell for him pretty young. I think I looked up to him so much that it just kind of morphed into something more.”

“That’s… that’s understandable, I suppose.” And in a way, it was. I didn’t know what I had expected.

“But nothing ever happened until I found out about him and Scott. I asked him about their… relationship, and suddenly everything I’d wanted, the little secret desires I kept to myself, made sense.”

“You’d never… had that sort of relationship before? The Dom/sub thing?”

“No,” Zac replied. “My ex-wife is kind of a prude.”

“Oh,” I said. I didn’t know why _that_ , of all things, surprised me, but I supposed it made sense if they had gotten together so young. Zac was several years younger than me, so he must have been married early, with little time to explore his sexuality and desires. “And she wasn’t interested in… giving you what you needed?”

“Not even close,” he replied with a snort.

“That’s unfortunate.”

“We met when I was fifteen. She was only my second real girlfriend.”

“And you married her?” I asked dumbly. “Obviously you did. I mean, I’m not judging your choices, but it seems like perhaps you… settled down too soon?”

“Taylor got married when he was nineteen,” Zac replied. “He had to, she was pregnant, but still. I just felt like it was time to start that whole ‘normal life’ thing.”

“And you were how old when you decided this?”

“Twenty.”

“Wow… that’s still rather young.” I didn’t want to even think about getting married at that age. Knowing what my life was like then… well, it didn’t bear thinking about.

“Not for our family,” Zac replied. “Our parents were high school sweethearts. They got hitched the summer after their first year of college.”

“Oh, I see…” I replied. Of course, that was a different time, but it could still set expectations for their kids. I was acutely aware that still being single at thirty-three defied quite a few of my parents’ expectations for me. “Well, just because it worked for them doesn’t mean it was right for you.”

“I guess not, since we’re split up now,” he replied blandly.

“Better to split up than stay in a relationship that isn’t working, though.”

“That’s what I believe,” Zac replied. After a beat, he added, “Even if my parents might not agree.”

“They didn’t approve of the divorce, I suppose?”

“No,” he said, “but they understood that it’s my life and my decision.”

“Well, that’s good. That they understood.” It was little consolation, I was sure. Any sort of big change like that, especially if your family had one perception of your life… it was tough. Nearly impossible to make, in fact. I knew that all too well, but my mouth went dry at the thought of trying to explain to Zac how well I understood.

“Yeah…” He heaved a deep, but I thought relieved, sigh. “So… now you know.”

“Yes, I suppose I do.”

“I didn’t want to tell you,” Zac said. Softly, he added, “I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Zac,” I replied. I wondered if he knew how true that was, how deeply into his life I had become intertwined. “I’m glad that I… that I know you a little better now.”

“Lily, I…” He began, and I practically trembled at the thought of what might follow those words.

“Yes, Zac?”

“I want to see you when I get home.”

“Of course,” I said, letting out a small breath of relief. “I’d… I want to see you, too.”

“No, I don’t mean like a session. I want… I want it to be a date. I don’t want to be a customer anymore.”

And there it was. The other shoe finally dropped. I knew there was no going back, and yet I still had to ask, still had to give him one last chance to get away. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes,” Zac replied firmly. “Lily, I like you so much more than I should. I know that. I can’t stop thinking about you, about your smile, about the way you make me feel better about, well, everything.”

“I… I can’t stop thinking about you, either.” My voice was shaking so much that I wasn’t sure he would even be able to understand what I had said. But it was done. I had admitted it, and there was no going back.

“Do you mean that?”

“I do.”

“Can I see you, Lily?”

“Yes… you can.” He could do anything he wanted if he kept saying my name like that, but I didn’t dare tell him that. I didn’t dare give him that much power over me. I heard him sniffle softly, and the last little unbroken bit of my heart shattered. “Can we still stick to the original plan? You’ll cook dinner and paint me? I think I’d really enjoy that.”

“Of course,” Zac replied. “I’d love to.”

“Good,” I said. I realized with something of a start that I was smiling—a true, genuine smile that was so big it actually hurt. Yet, it was a huge relief, too. Admitting how I felt was scary, but it was a weight off my shoulders. The complications that could and most certainly would follow this revelation… well, for a moment, I wasn’t worried about them.

“This week can’t go by fast enough,” Zac remarked.

“I—I started to order you to come see me the day after you get back.” I chuckled at myself. This was going to be a change, alright, but I had to figure out how to navigate it if this was what I wanted—and it truly, truly was. “I’d still love that, but… it’s up to you, I suppose.”

“Like I said before, I’ll be there that night if you want me.”

“I know,” I replied. “Go home and get a little rest first, though.”

“As you wish.”

I chuckled again, then sighed. “I really… Honestly, I can’t wait to see you, Zac.”

“I can’t wait to see you either, Lily.” After a slight pause, he added softly, “Such a beautiful name.”

I smiled, even though he couldn’t see it. “Thank you.”

“I’ll let you get some rest now,” Zac said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay,” I replied. “Goodnight, Zac.”

“Sweet dreams, Lily.”

I ended the call and placed the phone on my nightstand. I glanced at my Kindle, but suddenly the tacky romance I had downloaded held no interest for me at all. My own life was turning into something even more ridiculous than the premises of those novels, and I didn’t mind the change one bit.


	20. Chapter 20

Dec. 12, 2013. Atlantico Live, Rome, Italy.

_**Taylor** _

Italy was beautiful, but the wifi—at least in this venue—was more than a little dubious. I could text or call scott when I had a chance, but being able to connect online seemed to be working out really well for us. Skype was great for the lonely nights, but it was also really nice to be able to email each other. Unless someone was standing over my shoulder, they wouldn’t know what I was typing or to whom.

Right then, though, I wasn’t typing anything. I was watching the connection go in and out, keeping my inbox from loading at all.

I glanced over at Zac, who was perched on the other chair in the room, tapping out a beat on his knees. There was something different about him, but he had been like that all tour—veering from one extreme mood to another. 

“Well, you’re in a good mood,” I remarked, closing my laptop and setting it to the side.

“Yeah, I really am,” he said.

Somewhat to my surprise, I smiled. “Any particular reason?”

Zac gave me a big grin. “I’m going to see Lily when we get home.”

“No wonder you’re excited,” I replied. I couldn’t begin to understand the relationship he had with her, but I couldn’t deny that it seemed to make him happy. I could only hope that he wasn’t projecting feelings onto her that she didn’t return. What if she saw him as only a client? Of course, I didn’t know her at all, so I supposed I should trust Zac’s judgment. Much like my relationship with Scott, if it made him happy, how could it be wrong?

“No, not like that,” he said, shaking his head so hard that a piece of hair fell loose from his ponytail. “I’m going to her place for dinner. It’s a date.”

“A date? Really?”

“Yeah,” he replied, then sighed, his expression turning just a bit more serious. “I came clean with her. About everything. Especially how I feel. And she actually feels the same.”

I stared at him. “You came clean about… _everything_?”

“Well… yeah.” Zac’s smile was gone completely, not even in his eyes anymore, and that as good as answered my question.

“Like… everything about us, too?” I asked softly, because I had to know. I had to hear him say it. Maybe I was panicking over nothing, and Zac hadn’t revealed our worst secret to someone I didn’t even know.

“I didn’t think about it,” he replied, his eyes pleading with me. “I’m sorry. You can trust her, though.”

“It’s okay,” I said, even though a part of me wasn’t so sure that it was. But I reasoned that after everything Zac had done with Lily, the type of intimate relationship they had, he must have a good feeling about the sort of person she was. With a sigh, I added, “I mean, if she still wants to see you, then I guess there’s nothing to worry about.”

He nodded. “I was positive I’d never hear from her again.”

“Yeah,” I replied, glancing down. “I figured the same thing when I told Scott.”

Of course, that had been different; I highly doubted this Lily woman had brothers or sisters who she had… well, it was just different. Maybe a person didn’t have to have shared experience to understand how this sort of thing could happen. Maybe Lily was just a good person. 

For Zac’s sake, I hoped so.

“I’m glad it worked out for you,” Zac said softly, and I was surprised to see a genuine smile on his face when I looked up.

“I’m glad it seems to be working out for you, too,” I replied honestly.

“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I really like her. I think I could see myself falling for her.”

“Yeah? That’s… that’s great. Really.” In truth, I could see that he already had fallen. _Hard_. And surprisingly, it only hurt a little bit to watch. 

“It’s weird,” Zac remarked. “I haven’t really _dated_ anyone since I was a teenager.”

“Wow,” I replied, thinking back to that long ago trip to the lake, which I supposed counted as Zac and Kate’s first date, although they had both been sent along on the trip as though they could keep me and Natalie out of trouble. So much had changed since then—two marriages, six kids and now one divorce. “That’s true, isn’t it? It’s kinda weird to think about… you on a date. No offense.”

He chuckled. “None taken. It’s weird to be _going_ on a date.”

“What do you guys have planned?” I asked, swallowing around the small lump in my throat that I tried to dismiss as nothing but nostalgia.

“I’m going over there to paint her, and to cook her dinner.”

“Well, the painting will impress her, at least.” I gave him a smirk. Cooking dinner for someone was my forte; Zac could and had burned anything he tried to cook.

“I hope so,” he replied, shrugging modestly. “Do you think flowers would be too cheesy?”

“Just a little bit. But don’t let that stop you.” 

“I was thinking of getting her some lilies. Maybe red or tiger lilies, I don’t know.”

“Okay, that’s definitely cheesy,” I replied.

He chuckled. “Okay… roses, then?”

“That’s pretty much a classic,” I said. “Can’t go wrong with roses. Although, why you’re asking me, of all people, for dating advice…”

“Well, I don’t know,” Zac shot back. “You’re the big brother.”

“And I’m so good at dating,” I replied, laughing a little bit, even though it wasn’t all that funny. I might have had two or three more girlfriends and boyfriends—if you could call some of them that—than Zac, but I had settled down even earlier. The fact that it wasn’t by choice was irrelevant.

“Well, you’ve still done more than me,” he replied.

I snorted. “Doesn’t mean I was good at it.”

Zac gave a frustrated sigh, and I immediately felt guilty. I knew I was just being obtuse when all he wanted was my support. This was my chance to be a truly good brother to him, and I knew I couldn’t blow it. If I did, I might never have another shot to fix things between us.

“I’m sorry, Zac,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll do fine, though. Dinner, painting, flowers… it all sounds good. Really.”

“You think?” He asked, chewing his bottom lip nervously. “I wanna make it perfect. She deserves it.”

I smiled, feeling as though my heart might actually be melting. It might have been unorthodox, but I truly couldn’t have been happier for Zac, knowing that he had found something that could really be healthy for him. “Yeah, I do. And I’m sure you will.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

“No problem. And let me know how it goes, okay?”

“I definitely will.”

I returned his smile. “Good.”

“I kinda need your help on something, though.”

“What?” I asked.

“Well… I kinda told her I could dance.”

“Good going.” I snickered. He truly did have the best rhythm out of the three of us, but that wasn’t saying much. Said rhythm didn’t actually translate into the ability to follow the steps of any sort of dance, not even the hokey pokey.

He sighed, then gave me the most adorable, manipulative pout I had ever seen. “Taaaaaay?”

“What?” I sighed.

“Cnyatchmtdnc?” He mumbled, but I knew exactly what he was asking.

I heaved another sigh, even though I really didn’t mind helping him. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Yeah?” Zac asked, smiling again. 

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Great, you’re the best,” he replied, not waiting a second before hopping up and pulling his iPod out of his pocket. I began to suspect this entire conversation had been planned, somehow, to lead up to this question. He flipped through the device for a moment, then glanced up at me and asked, “Umm… Can I use your iPod?”

“Yeah, sure.” I stood up and fumbled around in my bag for a moment before finding it and handing it over. “What’s wrong with yours?”

With a sheepish grin, he said, “Not exactly dancing music.”

“And you think mine is?”

He just shrugged and smirked. I might have been more romantic by nature than he was, but I doubted he would find any sort of slow jam amongst my music. That was Ike’s territory. I nearly laughed at the thought of Zac asking Ike to dance with him, though. Instead, I just said, “Well, see what you can find.”

He thumbed through the songs for just a moment before smiling and saying, “This one is good.”

He plugged in the device and fiddled with it a bit, the room quickly filling with the sound of an Ed Sheeran song. It was a good choice. 

“Okay, well,” I said, taking a few small steps closer to Zac. “You’re gonna lead, right?”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “You don’t mind being the chick, right?”

I rolled my eyes, but nevertheless grabbed his hand and positioned it on my hip. “Yeah, yeah. Funny stuff.”

Zac wiggled his fingers a bit, getting himself positioned exactly how he wanted, then took my right hand in his left. Maybe he wasn’t completely clueless after all. 

“There ya go,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder and giving him a reassuring smile. “Now just… kinda sway a little bit. You can make that, right? Don’t wanna get too complicated at first.”

Zac rolled his eyes, but began to sway, following the beat of the song easily. Of course dancing would come naturally to a drummer.

“See, that’s not so hard,” I said. “Probably won’t impress her much, but at least you’ve got rhythm.”

He sighed. “I want to impress her, though.”

“Okay, well,” I replied, racking my brain to remember the dancing lessons Natalie had thought would be fun to take for our anniversary one year. “Well, you can try the foxtrot. That’ll work for this song or basically anything in four-four time.”

“Okay,” Zac replied, his expression so blank that I almost asked if he knew what four-four was. Of course he did. He could handle this, if he just learned the pattern; I had faith in him, even if he didn’t.

I chuckled softly. “Okay, so you’re going to count to six twice, instead of counting in fours. But it’s still the same rhythm. Left foot forward on one, right foot forward on three. Then left foot to the left on five, right foot to the left on six, and then your feet are back together.”

That earned me another blank stare, but I thought I could see the gears turning behind it. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do this.”

“It’s easy, I promise,” I replied. “You just gotta count it out. Remember the first two steps are kinda slow, and then the steps to the side are faster. Just count it out in your head. Or out loud for now, if that helps.”

He shot me a withering look, as if to say tat he wasn’t _that_ much of an idiot. Finally, he began to move his feet, a bit haltingly at first. It took him only a few times through the pattern before his movements became smooth and seamless.

“See, there you go,” I said, grinning. He had taken the lead easily; I was just following along.

“Okay.” Zac smiled. “This isn’t so bad.”

“Told you,” I replied. “And to move backward, you do it the same way. Just reversed. Left foot back on one, right foot back on three, and so on. Turning is a little more complicated. You want to try it?”

“Okay…” He said, his dubious expression returning.

I took a deep breath, hoping I remembered it all correctly. “Okay. Left foot forward on one, right next to the left on two, then back on three. Then left foot back on five, but turn it to the left. The just rotate, and put your right fot next to your left on six. Did you get all that?”

“Umm… I think?” 

“Okay.” I chuckled. “Well, give it a try?”

He did, his hands shaking a bit as he stumbled through the steps I’d given him. 

“Try not to put so much weight on your right foot when you bring it forward,” I suggested. 

“Okay…” He gave it another try, and although he was still a bit shaky, we both remained standing.

I smiled. “There ya go.”

Zac looked up at me with a proud smile on his face.

“Just practice the steps a bit, and I’m sure she’ll be impressed.”

The song changed, and the new track was a bit slower, even more romantic. I was sure this should have been really awkward, but somehow it wasn’t.

“Thanks,” Zac said softly.

I smiled. “No problem.”

He returned my smile, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I stepped in just a little bit closer to him.

“You’ll charm the pants right off of her, I’m sure,” I said.

Zac chuckled, then gave me a thoughtful look. “Can I try something?”

“Sure?” I replied, not following his train of thought.

On the next beat, he stepped back and gave my arm a gentle tug, urging me to spin. I did so, though without much grace at all.

As I came back to face him, I laughed nervously. “You realize I’m doing most of the work here?”

Zac just rolled his eyes, an adorable blush on his cheeks, and pulled me in close. I rested my head on his shoulder, not caring how awkward of a position that was. I was just glad we could laugh and have fun together; after everything that had happened in the last few months, I was afraid we couldn’t even be civil at all. Zac gave a soft sigh that seemed to imply that he was thinking the same thing.

“My baby brother,” I said softly, then giggled. “On a date. With a professional Domme.”

Zac snorted, squeezing my hip.

I giggled. “She seems really special, though. I really am happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he replied, leaning his head against mine, his forehead pressed to my cheek. 

I sighed happily. No one else would understand, I knew, if they saw us like this, but I couldn’t think of a single thing I would change about this moment. Zac moved his hand from my hip to my back, rubbing it in small, soft circles. He nuzzled my neck, the stubble on his cheek creating the perfect amount of friction.

“See, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” I said softly, leaning into his touch. “She’d have to be dead inside for your charms not to get to her.”

“Yeah?” Zac asked, his voice soft and low.

“Yeah,” I replied honestly. If he even knew the effect he was having on me right then, all the willpower I was having to muster to resist giving in to something I wasn’t sure he was even offering…

Zac pulled back slightly, enough to look me in the eyes, and I wasn’t at all sure what I saw in his. He moved back in until our noses brushed together. The nervous smile on his face told me that I wasn’t imagining what was happening, and I felt myself tense ever so slightly. At the same time, I could feel the blood rushing up my neck and into my cheeks. 

Zac took advantage of the fact that I was frozen on the spot, and moved in to close what little distance was left between us. Our lips just barely brushed together, so slightly that it could almost be passed off as an accident, but I knew it wasn’t.

I let out a slight gasp at the contact, my eyes fluttering shut. That seemed to be all the permission he needed, and his lips began to move against mine. Just like dancing, I followed his lead, although I could feel myself trembling all over. 

We were on thin ice here, and I thought Zac knew it, too. I didn’t think I knew where the line was, where to stop him. I could only hope he would keep the lead and choose a stopping point for us.

Soon enough, he did, pulling back breathlessly and staring at me.

“Umm… I…” I stuttered out, feeling like I had to fill the silence with something, but not knowing what.

“It’s okay,” Zac said, a few tears gathering at the corners of his eyes but not falling. “One last kiss.”

“Yeah… okay.” And it was. He had drawn the line in what felt like exactly the right spot. This was it. This was who we were now; two brothers who shared a bond that they never should have, but that they also couldn’t deny. But that didn’t mean we had to act upon it.

With a shaky sigh, Zac stepped back, finally letting go of my hand. 

“You’ll be okay,” I said softly. “She’ll fall for you; I’m sure.”

He gave me the barest hint of a smile. “I hope so.”

“She will.” I returned his smile. “But if she breaks your heart, she’ll have me to deal with.”

Zac chuckled softly, but the sound faded away quickly, and his expression turned sad once again. “Tay…”

“Yeah?”

“I…” He began, then glanced down, his sad smile barely visible through his hair. “You know.”

“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “And… you know, too.”

Zac nodded. The song stopped, and he quickly stepped to the stereo to unplug my iPod. Just like that, the spell we had been under was broken, and we were back to being just brothers, at least on the surface. Our true feelings ran so, so much deeper than that, and I was so glad to know they weren’t gone. Just tucked away.


	21. Chapter 21

Dec. 14, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

_**Lily** _

I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this nervous. No, that wasn’t true at all. The last time was without question the night of my first session with Zac. I hadn’t known exactly why I was nervous then, but the feeling persisted regardless.

This particular night, though, I knew exactly why I had spent fifteen minutes pacing my living room. This was a complete first for me—accepting a date from a client. But I couldn’t say no. After all of his honesty… he deserved a leap of faith from me as well. Where things would go from here was anyone’s guess, but I knew he had earned at least the one night to see if this thing between us truly could work as something other than a professional relationship.

I stepped in front of the mirror and took one last look to be sure all my worrying hadn’t managed to translate into looking as much of a mess as I felt. My hair was perhaps a bit frizzy, but that was nothing unusual with my curls. My makeup was still in place, lips still blood red as usual. I smoothed down my vintage-styled black wrap dress and decided this was as good as it was going to get.

Finally, when I was sure I was going to wear an actual rut in the carpet, the doorbell rang. I rushed to answer it, and was a bit dismayed to see Zac in paint-covered jeans and a plain v-neck tee, until I saw the canvas tucked under his arm and remembered his promise to paint my portrait.

“Well, hello, Zac,” I finally breathed out.

“Wow,” he said, his smile spreading from ear to ear. “I mean, hi.”

I laughed softly. “Well, it’s not every day a girl gets her portrait done. Seems like an occasion to dress up a bit.”

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” To my surprise, I felt my cheeks heating up. It was such a simple statement, but somehow, from him, it meant so much. I finally regained some semblance of control and stepped out of the doorway. “Umm, come on in.”

“Oh,” he said, holding out a bouquet of roses that I hadn’t even noticed in his hand until then. “These are for you.”

“Thank you,” I replied, accepting the bouquet. There were a full dozen of them, in a deep, fiery orange unlike anything I had seen before. “You really went all out tonight, didn’t you? Although your outfit leaves a little bit to be desired…”

Zac’s cheeks turned dark pink. “Oh, this is just for the painting. I brought something nicer to change into after.”

“Oh, of course,” I replied. “I didn’t know what you needed for that, but I’ve got a few drop cloths I dug out of the garage, as well as some water and towels. I figured we could just do it the painting here, in the living room?”

“This is good,” he remarked with a nod. He sat his backpack down on an end table and I watched with fascination as he pulled out a fold-up easel and a rolled-up canvas thing that I realized held his brushes and paints.

“Good,” I replied, carefully sitting down in a wingback chair that I hoped would make a nice backdrop. “I’ve never had my portrait painted before, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect.”

“You don’t have to do much.” Zac gave me a smile that set my nerves at ease. He tilted his head to the side for a moment, as if in thought, then plucked a rose from the bouquet and handed it to me. Holding it gave me something to do with my hands, at least, which were twitching nervously at my side.

“Okay,” I replied, twirling the rose between my fingers. “I think I can handle that. I’m really good at not doing much, in fact.”

Zac chuckled. “Just make yourself comfortable. Let me try to find a good position for you.”

“Okay…” I replied, barely managing a smile.

He took a moment to set up his easel and canvas, moving it around a few times before settling on a spot in front of me. He pulled out a pencil and twirled it between his fingers for a moment, eying me closely. “Okay… right there. You think you can hold that for a while?”

“I think I can manage that,” I replied. “I can talk, right?”

“Yeah, just try not to move your head too much.” With that, his eyes were on the canvas, his brow furrowing as he began to sketch… well, me. It was a somewhat unnerving thought, and I decided that talking would be a good distraction for me.

“I’ll do my best,” I said. “So, how have you been? The rest of the tour go well?”

“Yeah, no complaints,” he replied plainly, and I was sure there was more of a story there that he wasn’t ready to share. I hoped someday he would be.

“That’s good. I’d love to see you play sometime. I bet a Hanson concert is really something else.”

“Something else all right…” He chuckled.

I returned his laughter. “All those screaming women…”

“I’d settled for just one.” He gave me a smile and a shrug, and whatever bit of my heart hadn’t melted for him yet broke free from the metaphorical ice I’d spent years trying to pack it in.

“You’re something else, Zac.”

“So are you.”

We both fell silent then, as he continued to work diligently on his painting. I was dying to see what it would look like, or to say something else, but I didn’t know where to begin. Somehow, it seemed as though speaking would ruin the moment completely. I hadn’t realized how intimate this could be, but it truly was. It was almost like a scene; it wasn’t overtly sexual, but the connection between us was palpable, almost a tangible presence in the room.

What felt like a lifetime later, Zac leaned back and surveyed his work, his arms crossed. He picked up yet another brush and said, “Almost done…”

“I can’t wait to see it,” I replied.

He bit his lip as he dipped the brush into the black paint. “I hope you’ll like it.” 

“I’m sure I will.” And I was. I had no clue what sort of talent he did or didn’t have, but that was irrelevant. It was Zac; I would love anything he did for me.

“And… there.” He plopped the brush decisively into the cup of water and swirled it around. “You can relax now.”

“Are we done?” I asked, letting out a breath and relaxing my shoulders.

“Yup, all done.”

“May I see it?”

“Sure…” Zac replied, his cheeks tinted deep pink once again. It wasn’t his color, but I enjoyed causing the reaction all the same.

I stood up, stretching my now-stiff back, and walked around to stand behind Zac at the easel. The portrait was close up, showing little more than my face and unruly hair. He’d gotten the shade of my lipstick—MAC Ruby Woo, like any self respecting goth—just right, but it was the way he’d colored my eyes that really took my breath away. Were they truly that icy? That tortured? I wasn’t sure what to think of how he saw me, but I couldn’t deny the likeness.

“Oh, Zac,” I breathed out. “I love it. You certainly are talented.”

He shrugged, wiping his hands on one of the towels I had laid out for him.

“Seriously,” I said, turning to look at him head on. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it.” He smiled.

“I really do,” I replied honestly. “Thank you for doing it for me.”

“It was my pleasure,” he replied, a smile spreading across his face. There was a smear of black paint on his jaw that I thought was absolutely adorable, but probably not the look he was going for.

“Now,” I said, smiling, “I’m sure you want to get changed for dinner… but I sort of had different plans…”

Zac blinked up at me. “Oh?”

“Well, you’re still going to cook, but… I may have bought a little something for you to wear. If… if that’s alright. Can’t exactly order you around now, can I?”

He smirked. “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“Well, in that case… follow me.” I nodded toward the kitchen, then plucked the bouquet off the couch before heading that way. I hoped it would survive a few days in water; I already knew I wanted to keep that little reminder of this night. 

Zac picked up the dirty towels and cup of water and followed behind me.

“You see,” I said, turning to face him once we’d crossed the threshold into the kitchen, “I figured since you were going to be my cook for the evening, you needed a proper outfit for the job…”

His smile fell. “Please tell me it’s not a French maid outfit.”

“Not quite.” I giggled as I picked up a small shopping bag from the counter and held it up gleefully.

He sat down the towels and cup, and stared expectantly at me, as I pulled a frilly pink apron from the bag. I had picked it out especially for him from a little boutique downtown that sold some of my favorite lingerie brands. When I saw it hanging by the register, I knew I had to have it for tonight.

“It may be worse than a French maid outfit, actually.”

Zac’s eyes widened, but he didn’t speak.

“Like I said, I can’t exactly order you anymore… but I think it would be a very good look for you.”

He sighed deeply, but plucked the apron from my hands. “Yes, Mistress.”

“Oh, and that’s the entire outfit. Just the apron.” I grinned.

Zac coughed and sputtered, his eyes going as wide as saucers.

“I’ve already seen you in less…” I pointed out, stepping in close and lowering my voice. I was sure he remembered that; making him strip down at our first session had been designed to humiliate him, too. This, however, was more for my pleasure.

He huffed, but didn’t say a word, his face bright red.

I smirked. “You can change in the bathroom, if you like. First door to the right, next to the play room.”

He nodded, stuffing the apron back into the bag and walking out of the room. I took a seat at the island, grinning so hard that my face hurt. It seemed like an agonizingly long wait for Zac to emerge, his face almost the exact same shade of pink as the apron, which only just covered what needed to be covered. In this context, when I was entirely free to stare at him without shame, there was no denying how fantastic of a sight his body was.

I gave him my best wolf whistle. “Yes, that’s definitely a good look for you.”

“Thanks,” he replied, giving me a shy smile.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, standing up and taking a few steps closer to him. “All jokes aside, you… you really are gorgeous, you know.”

He looked down, his blush deepening.

“No looking down,” I said softly.

He glanced up slowly, a smirk on his face. “So, what would you like me to cook?”

“Whatever’s fine by me,” I replied. “Your specialty? I do like pasta, though, and I’m sure the kitchen is well stocked for anything along those lines. Maybe a stroganoff?”

Zac nodded, straightening up and stiffening his shoulders before turning around to the refrigerator. The apron was, of course, bare in the back, leaving his entire ass exposed. It wasn’t large, but it was perfectly round and the same beautiful caramel shade as the rest of his skin.

I couldn’t resist whistling again.

It took Zac only a moment of appraising the contents of my refrigerator to realize that the ground beef he would need for stroganoff was on the lowest shelf. I hadn’t planned that, but it had worked out nicely all the same. When he bent over to retrieve it, I got a view that even made _me_ blush.

I giggled. “Yes, that apron was definitely one of my better ideas.”

Zac chuckled too, shooting me a grin as he carried his ingredients to the stove and began to cook. Once he’d gotten everything started, he asked, “So, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good,” I replied. “No complaints.”

“It’s good to see you,” he remarked.

“It’s good to see you, too,” I said. Deciding that a little honesty wouldn’t hurt, I added, “I really did miss you while you were gone.”

He turned and gave me a smile. “I missed you, too.”

“I wasn’t exactly… worried about you. I know you can take care of yourself, maybe even better than you think you can. But I thought about you a lot.”

“Yeah?” Zac asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Mhm,” I replied. “I know you had… a lot to deal with, going back on tour with him, and… well, everything else that must have been on your mind.”

“Yeah…” His smile faltered just a bit. “But I think we’re going to be okay now.”

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have brought that up. I just know you had a lot on your mind… more than I even knew at first, as it turns out.”

“It’s okay. Really.” He shook his head, spinning around to face me head on. “I love that you’re always trying to learn more about me. Makes me feel like you really care.”

“I _do_ really care, Zac. That’s not an act.”

It hurt a little that he thought this was still a game to me, but I supposed I hadn’t done much to prove otherwise yet. I hoped I could change his mind before the night was over, and make him see that my feelings for him weren’t so different from his feelings for me.

****

_**Zac** _

“I know. I mean, before I wasn't sure… but I think I'm getting there.”

It was still hard to believe this amazing woman cared about me at all, especially after everything I'd confessed to her. Yet here she was, not just accepting my fucked up life, but showing real concern about my well-being. And not even just in a platonic sense; we were on a date, and she'd admitted to wanting me as much as I wanted her. I had no clue what I'd done right to deserve all this, but I wasn't about to complain.

“It was never an act,” she said softer, almost like she was ashamed to admit it. “I mean, I always do care about my customers, in one way or another. It wouldn't work if I didn't. But you… You're different.”

“Yeah.” I let out a snort and turned back to the food, carefully shifting everything around the pan. “More twisted than the usual.”

“You'd be surprised.”

I looked over my shoulder, one eyebrow up, and smirked. “Bet you'd have some stories to tell. Not that I'd ask.”  
“Confidentiality is kind of the part of the whole thing. But yes, I do.” 

I chuckled as I thought about that, and all the stories I could share if I ever got the balls. I felt a tinge of pain, just a hint, as I thought about everything. Maybe eventually I would share more details; maybe it would help. But not yet. Right now, I was on a date with the woman I…

“Food’s ready,” I said, giving it one last stir and killing the burner.

“I suppose you can go get dressed now, and I'll set the table and pour us some wine.”

“Thanks.” I smiled and walked past her to the bathroom, retrieving my nicer clothes from backpack on the way. I chuckled as I looked in the mirror before getting changed, the frilly pink apron just barely covering me in front. If nothing else, any relationship with Lily would likely never be boring.

I came out a few minutes later, dressed in a simple, but hopefully impressive button-down and slacks. Lily was by the table, pouring a glass of red wine. She set it at one of the two places at the table, then looked up.

“My, my. You do clean up well.”

I just smiled and held out a chair for her. It was a strange kind of satisfaction when she praised me, a little like being given a gold star from teacher, but I liked it.

“It smells delicious,” Lily said, nodding to the food she'd moved to a serving dish.

“Nothing too special,” I replied with a shrug, taking her plate and spooning out a serving.

“You cooked it just for me. That makes it special if you ask me.”

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just smiled as I got my own place and sat beside her.

“I really appreciate you doing all of this for me, Zac. I don't get this kind of special treatment very often.”

“No?” I said, tilting my head at her. As beautiful as she was, I figured men were probably tripping over themselves to get her attention.

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “I mean, I don't even remember the last time I had a real date.”

“Well that's just wrong.” I frowned, even though if the opposite was true I might not have had a chance.

“Well, you can imagine… Most guys are a bit put off by my job…”

“Yeah, I guess that could be a bit... intimidating.” It made perfect sense, of course, but I was dumb and hadn't even thought about it like that until she mentioned it. I smirked at the thought of guys being scared off by the big bad dominatrix. But then again, I knew full well how good at her job she was.

“Something like that, yes.” Lily chuckled, then took a forkful of her food. “Now, let's see how you did…”

I watched anxiously as she took a delicate bite. I wasn't the greatest cook; nothing like Taylor, who could bring you to your knees with the most basic recipe. But I was pretty sure I hadn't botched it too badly.

“Mmm, not bad. Definitely multi-talented.”

I grinned and took a bite of my own, pleasantly surprised that it actually did taste pretty good.

“But really,” Lily said, her expression serious again. “Just, thank you… for all of this.”

“You deserve it. You deserve a lot more than this, but…” I shrugged and took another bite. 

“But what?” Lily asked, tilting her head.

“I'm not good at this. I don't know how to be, like, charming.”

“Could've fooled me,” she chuckled. Rationally, I understood her point. But to me, I had no idea what I was doing. I was a goofball, a kid that never grew up. I was just trying what I thought would work and hoping for the best. It felt more like luck than any inherent skill.

“So the food's okay?” I asked, trying to smile like I wasn't terrified of doing anything and everything wrong.

“The food is wonderful, the painting is wonderful, and… the company is wonderful.”

“Not as wonderful as you.”

“You're certainly good at flattery, at least,” Lily said, a faint blush staining her cheeks. “But I think you're very charming.”

“Thank you.” That was all that mattered, really, wasn't it? She was the only one I wanted to charm, so as long as it was working for her, that was fine with me.

“You're welcome.” She took a slow sip of her wine, then smirked at me from over her glass. “I'm not sure how someone who can… talk to me the way you did… can say he isn't charming, though.”

“I guess just writing songs for so long, I just get used to thinking like that.” I shrugged and took a sip of my own drink. I wasn't a huge fan of wine; my tastes weren't nearly sophisticated enough for that. But I knew enough to tell it was good, and probably not cheap. I glanced up to see Lily smiling wider, one eyebrow gracefully arched.

“If your songs are like that, then I definitely want to hear them. Perhaps you could… play something for me sometime?”

“I'd love to,” I replied with a smile, and I really did. I wanted to share that side of myself with her too. She smiled and gave a decisive nod.

“Great. If I had a guitar, I'd make you do it tonight, but I've got no musical talent at all.” She blinked, then.chuckled. “Not _make_ you… You know what I mean.”

“It's fine either way.” I gave her a suggestive smile. Now that I wasn't a customer, I didn't really know what to expect in the physical department. But I wanted her to know I was fine no matter what direction she wanted to take things in. And truthfully, part of me didn't want to let go of the electric thrill of being her slave.

“Yeah? So I get to boss you around still, but now the payment is you in an apron, cooking me delicious meals? Sounds like a fair trade.”

“So,” I said, clearing my throat in attempt to get my own mind out of the gutter. “Whenever you're ready, I did have one other trick up my sleeve…”

“Oh really?”

“Can we put some music on?”

“Sure, there's a stereo on the table over there. I had forgotten, you We're going to show off another talent, weren't you?”

I just smiled and got up. She had an iPod hooked up to the stereo, and I scrolled through until I found a song that would work. I heard her get up and stand behind me. Once I found a song I liked, I turned and offered her my hand.  
Lily blushed slightly as she took my hand and let me pull her close, my other hand on her hip. As the first few notes began to play I thought back to Taylor's lesson, finding it much less painful than I'd expected it to. I was exactly where I wanted to be, with exactly the person I wanted to be with.

“Not bad,” Lily mused as we started to move. “Again, you definitely are talented.”

I smiled and swayed with a little more confidence. It felt easy, the two of us moving as one, innocent and intimate at the same time.

“Of course, I expected you to have rhythm. You are a drummer, after all.”

I took a step back and used my arm to guide her into a spin. I didn't trust myself to talk, partly because I didn't want to mess up, but partly because I was without words for how right this felt.

“Very nice,” she chuckled softly.”

“I try.”

“You succeed.”

“So, have I swept you off your feet yet?” I asked, twirling her again.

“Something like that, yes.”

We did a few more turns before the song ended. I held her close as the silence settled in around us, comfortable but with a palpable anticipation.

“So, what now? Any more tricks up your sleeve?” Her voice was low, but I caught the slightest tremble. She was nervous too, and that eased my own worries a little.

“Maybe just one…” I leaned closer, and brushed a hand against her cheek.

“Just one, hmm?” She smiled, coy but sincere. All I could think about was her; how beautiful she was, how wonderful, how lucky I was to be in her presence at all, let alone holding her in my arms.

I didn't hesitate; the time for that was long past, and there was no point trying to hide how much we both wanted this, not anymore. I closed the distance and pressed my lips to hers. 

She responded just as instantly, letting out a little sigh that made my heart swell. I felt her arms around my shoulders, and I reached up to touch her hair, finding it even softer and silkier than it looked. When her sigh melted into moan I pulled back, curious what I'd done so right. I'd been wondering that all night, of course, but with the building heat between us I wanted to make sure I could do it again. 

The look in her eyes made my knees threaten to buckle. I felt the same longing, the same almost painful need. Without giving her time to protest, I leaned down just enough to scoop her up into my arms.

“Well then. That's one way to get what you want,” she giggled as I carried her into the living room.

I gently set her down on the couch and knelt beside her. She cocked an eyebrow as I took one of her hands in mine.

“Thank you for letting me stay.” I reached out and touched her cheek. She smiled, her skin turning a shade pink.

“You're welcome.”

That was all I had left to say. I kissed her again, pressing our lips firmly together. She reacted as if by instinct, her body arching towards mine and her fingers winding in my hair. I rested a hand on her waist to steady myself as I shifted to kiss her neck. Her skin was soft and warm, the scent of her perfume subtle but intoxicating. She whimpered as I explored the graceful arch of her neck; a different me might've compared it to Taylor's.

“So beautiful,” I murmured, not even aware I'd said it out loud until I heard her half-moaned 'thank you’. I pulled back and smiled, not even trying to hide how badly I needed her. Her chest heaved slightly, her lips glossy and parted with panting breath.

“Why don't we move this somewhere else? My bedroom, perhaps?”

“Sure.” Apparently I'd used up all my eloquence for the evening, and probably for the foreseeable future as well. I stood and offered her a hand. She took it and began to lead me up the stairs. It felt like a fitting transition, as she'd already lifted me up out of my lowest, darkest place. 

I followed, eagerly awaiting what lay beyond, in every sense. I would happily follow her anywhere, I realized. The thought hit me so hard I almost faltered in my steps, but as she turned back to smile at me, I knew the impossible had happened. 

Something I'd been certain would never happen again. Something I'd been certain I didn't _want_ to ever happen again. And yet there it was, plain as day and feeling more right than anything in my life. Everything that had happened, with Taylor, and Scott, and Kate… none of it mattered, not the slightest bit, and the reason was as undeniable as it was unbelievable.

I was in love.


	22. Chapter 22

Dec. 14, 2013. Lynn Lane, Tulsa, OK.

_**Lily** _

“Well,” I said, turning the knob on my bedroom door. “Here we are.”

I couldn’t remember the last time I had let anyone else past this threshold. I hesitated for just a moment at the door, relaxing when Zac shot me a smile and put his hand on my lower back, leading me gently into the room.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, smirking up at him. “Now, I know you had a few more tricks you wanted to show me here…”

“Well, I don’t like to brag…” Zac replied, sitting down beside me.

“You were certainly bragging before.”

“Yeah, well…” He trailed off, his cheeks beginning to turn pink.

“Well,” I said, placing a hand on his shoulder and nudging him back toward the headboard, “why don’t we just see about that, hmm? See if you’ve really got something worth bragging about…”

Zac willingly let himself be moved, but his hand on my lower back brought me down with him so that I ended up sprawled rather awkwardly half on, half off his body. I couldn’t complain, though, especially not when he craned his neck a bit to press his lips to mine. My body curled against his side of its own accord, finding a position that felt perfectly natural, like long lost puzzle pieces finally being connected.

He wasted no time deepening the kiss and rolling over so that he was on top of me. While this wasn’t a scene at all, I decided it also wasn’t the time for him to take control. In time, perhaps I could willingly let go and let him lead, but right then I needed to at least pretend that I was still steering this. Mustering all of my strength, I rolled him back over and pinned him to the bed. He pulled back from the kiss and smirked up at me.

“I hope you don’t mind if I take control a bit here?”

“Not at all… Mistress.”

“You don’t have to call me that,” I said, planting a few soft kisses on his neck, “but I’m not complaining.”

His only response was a soft sigh, his hand rubbing soft circles on my back. I decided to take that as a good sign.

I trailed kisses further down his neck, popping the top button on his shirt. “Why don’t we get rid of this, hmm?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

I undid the rest of the buttons and nudged the shirt off his shoulders, then sat up to give him room to move. He quickly shrugged the shirt off, then yanked the white tank underneath over his head. I had to admit that his eagerness was adorable, but I knew it probably wasn’t the right time to laugh.

As soon as the tank was over his head, Zac was on me again, his hands tangling in my hair and pulling me in for a rough kiss that I thought might actually leave a bruise. I didn’t mind that, but I did mind him once again trying to take control.

Without breaking the kiss, I shoved him back until he fell against the pillows. He let out a sound somewhere between a yelp and a moan, his hands finding my hips as though that could give him back some semblance of control. Carefully, still without breaking the kiss, I reached for a scarf I had left on the nightstand for exactly this purpose.

I felt Zac’s eyes on me, and sure enough, opening mine revealed that his curious gaze had followed my movements.

I peeled his left hand off my hip and held it up to the headboard, placing it against one of the slats. With a smirk, I asked, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, Mistress.” He returned my smirk.

“Good,” I replied, carefully tying his wrist to the headboard--not too tightly, but not too loosely either. I wanted him to know that this was only play, even if nothing else between us was. This was for fun. And if it ever stopped being what he wanted, he needed only to say the word and I would loosen his bonds.

He licked his lips and stared eagerly up at me. “Have I told you how amazing you look?”

“Yes, I think you have,” I replied, reaching for another scarf and pulling his right arm up to the headboard. “But feel free to tell me again.”

Zac grinned. “You’re breathtaking.”

“Thank you,” I replied, securing his other wrist to the headboard. “I’d suggest getting a good look now, while you can.”

Zac stared up at me with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m sure I mentioned blindfolding you?” I picked up a third scarf, this one opaque black so that there was no way Zac could see through it, no matter how hard he tried. And I had no doubt that he would.

Zac remained silent, but there was a hint of nervousness on his face.

“It’s fine if you don’t want me to,” I said. He needed to know that; surely he already _did_ know. Surely he understood this could only work if he wanted it, too.

“Did I say that?”

“No, you didn’t,” I replied. He gave me a small smile, and I carefully began to wrap the scarf around his eyes. “So, this is okay?”

“Y-yes…” He replied, trembling just a bit. His fear shouldn’t have surprised me; sensory deprivation was a bit scary, even if you wanted it. And I had to remember that, based on what he had told me, his sex life had been pretty vanilla until recently.

“Good.” I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, hoping to reassure him. He smiled, and I ran my hand along his cheek. “Such a good boy.”

“Anything for you, Mistress.”

I pressed my lips to his gently, briefly, then pulled back and stood up.

Zac craned his head, obviously trying to follow my movements even though he couldn’t actually see them. It was just instinct. I couldn’t resist grinning as I took off my heels, one by one, and let them fall against the carpet. I took my time unfastening my hose from the garter belt, wondering what—if anything—Zac would make of the soft sound that made.

“See, the great thing about being blindfolded, like I said before, is that the other senses are just so heightened.”

“Yes…” Zac replied, the word barely more than a soft hiss.

I peeled off my hose, trailing the silky material across Zac’s chest. “You never know exactly what’s going on… you just have to rely on what senses you still have to interpret what you feel…”

Zac trembled, his nipples hardening when the fabric passed over them.

“You just have to really…” I began, stretching to tug the zipper of my dress down, “trust the other person.”

“I do trust you. Completely.”

“Good,” I replied, reaching out to touch his cheek gently. I hoped he knew how much that meant to me, and how I understood that he wasn’t just talking about sexually. He trusted me in every way, and I never wanted to do anything to break that trust.

He jumped just a little at the contact, then stretched to lean into it, and I had to laugh to keep from tearing up.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m going to be gentle with you.”

Zac pouted.

“Oh, you don’t want me to be gentle?”

“Only if you want to be,” he replied.

“It’s just that you’ve more than earned a reward,” I said softly. “So maybe I want to be a little nicer to you tonight.”

“Whatever you want, Lily. I trust you.”

“I know you do,” I replied, stepping away from him before I let my emotions get the best of me. I unhooked my bra and let it fall onto his chest. “And I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.”

Zac let out a soft sigh, his entire body trembling. I peeled off my panties and trailed them across his chest as well, making sure to rub the lace, warm from being so close to my body, against each of his nipples. He looked confused for a moment, then smirked as he realized exactly what he was feeling.

I climbed onto the bed and straddled Zac, leaning down so that my lips would just barely brush against his when I spoke. “See where this is going now?”

His only response was to tug on his restraints and whimper.

I had to laugh at that, then leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. I wasn’t surprised when he tried to deepen it, but I pulled back before I could get too distracted from my plan. “Lets see what else those lips can do, hmm?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Good,” I replied.

Slowly, I began to crawl up his body, my neck and chest brushing across his face. He didn’t miss a beat, his tongue darting out to lick as much of my skin as he could reach. I paused and let my right breast rest against his lips, and he lapped at it eagerly, moaning as he did so. I had to grab the headboard to brace myself when his teeth clamped down on my nipple. 

“Should have figured you’d be a little rough with me,” I gasped out.

Zac just chuckled and took that as encouragement to suck even harder on my sensitive flesh.

“You’re not bad, though,” I remarked, the sentence punctuated with a moan that betrayed the persona I was trying desperately to maintain. “That tongue just might be magical after all…”

He responded to that by swirling it around my nipple, and I gripped the headboard so hard that my knuckles began to turn white.

“Mmm, now you’re just showing off,” I said. I shifted position so that he could give some attention to my left breast and added, “Not that I’m complaining, though.”

He strained against the scarves, nipping and sucking even more roughly at the second breast. I didn’t even try to hide the whimpers he was causing; it had been far too long since I had indulged my masochistic side, and although I’d had my reasons for shutting off that side of me, I couldn’t deny how good this felt.

“Now, play nice,” I moaned out. “No need to struggle…”

Zac response to that was to let out a low growl and clamp down on my nipple. I tugged on his hair, and he pulled back some.

“I said play nice.” I loosened my grip on his hair, still holding it but not tugging. Just a hint of a threat. “Play nice or you won’t get your reward. And I do seem to recall you assuring me this is just as much a reward for you as it is for me, yes?”

“Yes, Mistress,” Zac panted.

“Good boy,” I replied.

I gripped the headboard again, using it for support as I crawled up Zac’s body. I planted my knees on either side of his head and eased down until I was close enough to feel the heat of his breath between my legs.

Zac inhaled deeply, then let out a soft moan. His tongue flicked out just enough to barely brush against me, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I let out a whimper, my legs trembling as I lowered myself down a tiny bit more. Zac craned his neck, meeting me halfway, drawing his tongue across my slit.

I tightened my grip on the headboard, staring down at him as he continued to explore my body with his tongue. He found my clit easily, his lips closing around it and sucking hard. My head fell back and I moaned out his name shamelessly. I hadn’t expected him to disappoint, after all of his big talk, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt anything this good, and I knew it wasn’t just because of the long dry spell I had gone through.

“Yes… definitely magical…” I breathed out as Zac continued to lap and nibble at me.

That seemed to be the encouragement he needed. He drew his tongue across my skin, drawing circles with the tip before finally slipping it inside me. I moaned out his name again, and he thrust his tongue entirely into me.

“Fuck… god…” I moaned out as Zac began to slide his tongue in and out, essentially fucking me with it but with surprising skill and finesse.

“Does this…” He pulled back slightly to pant out, “please you… Mistress?”

He punctuate the question by nibbling at my clit again, and I had to catch my breath before answering, “Yes… very much…”

“You taste amazing,” he replied, and I swore I could feel his smirk against me. “I could live off of you.”

I chuckled. “Thank you.”

He slid his tongue into me again, his teeth barely scraping against my clit. I had laughed at his statement, but the truth was, if it were possible, I would keep him here forever, doing nothing but pleasuring me for the rest of time. He might not have been a natural sub, but he was certainly made to provide pleasure, and the way he twisted and twirled his tongue inside of me was only underscoring that fact.

He turned his attention back to my clit, and I whimpered at the change in sensations.

“Are you going to come for me, Mistress?”

“Yes,” I breathed out.

At that, he thrust his tongue into me again, fucking me almost ruthlessly with it, making my body tremble as I imagined what was yet to come. I wasn’t sure I could take it, if this was anything to judge by.

“Oh god… yes… Zac,” I moaned out, letting my head fall back.

“Yes, Mistress?”

“S-so good, Zac… going to come for you,” I admitted.

“Come for me mistress,” he said, punctuating the statement by sucking my clit into his mouth again.

That was all it took to send me over the edge. My legs trembled, threatening to give out as one of the most intense orgasms I had ever felt racked my body. All the while, even as my whole body shook, Zac never stopped licking.

“Oh, Zac…” I moaned out, breathing heavily and trying to hold myself steady over top of him.

He slowed his motions just enough to ask, “Yes, Mistress?”

“So good,” I replied, reaching out a shaky hand to untie one of his wrists. “Such a good boy.”

His hand fell to my leg as though they both contained magnets, kneading the tense flesh of my thigh. I let out a soft sigh as I untied his other hand. His hands both made their way to my hips, holding them in place as he continued to lap at my pussy, which was just on the verge of overstimulated.

“You weren’t kidding about going for hours, were you?” I asked as his tongue found my clit again.

“No, Mistress,” he replied, chuckling against me and sending another soft tremor through my body. His left hand snaked its way between my legs, hovering close but not quite touching. “May I?”

“Yes… you may,” I breathed out.

His fingers brushed against my clit, which ached in the best possible way. His voice low, the sound of it vibrating through my body, he said, “So wet for me…”

“Mhm,” I replied, the word little more than a groan. “All for you, Zac.”

He moved his hand further down, one fingertip just barely sliding in and out, little more than a tease. Whimpering, I reached down and untied his blindfold. He blinked up at me, his eyes smiling as they adjusted to the light and the sight in front of him.

“Thought I’d give the rest of your senses a little break,” I remarked.

He smirked, his eyes falling to the spot where his hand connected with my body. Eyes widening a bit, he said,“Beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I replied, my cheeks heating up.

He found a nice rhythm with his finger, thrusting it in and out of me a little faster, then leaned up to flick his tongue at my clit again. When I moaned out his name, that only encouraged him to add a second finger.

“Fuck…” I moaned, feeling like I might actually die right here, on top of him, yet unable to stop myself from rocking my hips back and forth, trying to match his rhythm.

His other hand grasped my hip, bringing our rhythms perfectly in sync. My entire body was shaking and I truly didn’t know how much more I could take.

“Zac… fuck…”

“Lily…” He mumbled, curling his fingers inside me as he swirled his tongue around my clit.

“Yes, Zac?”

“Enjoying yourself?” He asked, smirking up at me.

“Mmm, what do you think?” I asked, reaching down to run my fingers through his hair.

He just grinned and easily slid a third finger inside of me, proving just how wet and eager for him I was.

“Zac!” I gasped out, shaking so hard I was sure I would collapse onto him. “Oh, fuck, Zac!”

“You gonna come for me again, Lily?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak right then. I felt his tongue brush against my clit, and I let out a scream that might have somewhat resembled his name. When he twisted his fingers again, finding just the right spot inside of me, my vision blurred and blacked out entirely.

“Fuck…” I gasped out, panting as I came back down to earth to see Zac pulling his fingers out and licking them clean, his eyes trained on mine as he did so.

With some effort, I managed to peel my hands off the headboard and pried myself off of Zac, collapsing onto the bed next to him. Zac rolled onto his side and stared at me with wide, curious eyes.

“Wow,” I breathed out.

He grinned. “So I did good?”

“Very, very good.” I nodded.

He gave me a soft smile and brushed his hand across my cheek.

“Just so talented, aren’t ya?”

“I try.” Zac shrugged, looking surprisingly modest. 

“Well, that was… amazing,” I replied, wishing I could find a better word to describe it. I wasn’t sure the right words even existed to describe the way Zac had made me come, not once, but twice. He blushed, and I giggled. “Oh, you’re shy now?”

“Maybe a little…” He smiled sheepishly.

I smirked. “Cute.”

He leaned in close, and softly asked, “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course you can,” I replied, my brow furrowing. Did he still not understand that this wasn’t a game anymore? That this was all too real? “You don’t need to ask permission for anything now, you know.”

“I know… I just wasn’t sure, after…” He blushed slightly, trailing off, and it took me a moment to realize what he meant. He truly had led a pretty vanilla life if he thought I cared whether or not I tasted myself on his tongue.

I chuckled softly. “Oh… oh, that doesn’t bother me at all.”

“Okay, just thought I’d ask,” he replied, his smile turning more genuine as he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.

I sighed happily, tangling a hand in his hair and pulling him closer. The way he kissed me was perfect enough, but after what he had just done, tasting that slight tanginess on his tongue only turned me on more.

I needed more of him, and judging by the way he rolled me onto my back and trailed his lips down my neck, he felt the same way. I kept my grip on his hair as his lips moved further down, tightening it just as bit as he placed feathery light kisses across both of my breasts.

He crawled back up and placed a soft kiss on my lips. Looking directly in my eyes, his cheeks turning a beautiful shade of pink, he said, “Lily?”

“Yes?” I asked.

“I want to make love to you.”

****

**_Zac_ **

Passion, desire, longing… these words paled in comparison to the desperate hunger churning in me. I needed Lily, in every sense of the word. On a base level, I had never been as turned on in my life; not with Kate, not even with Taylor. And it was so much deeper than the physical. I truly wanted to make love to her, to shower her with absolute devotion, to worship her mind, body, and soul.

“You may.” She gave a coy smile and I felt the coil of need in my gut tighten another notch. I pulled her down for a kiss, forcing myself to be gentle, to not simply ravage her like my body was demanding. There'd be plenty of time for that later, I hoped.

For a minute we just kissed, our hands tracing lazy patterns up and down each other's backs. I felt her tremble under my fingertips, and while I was pretty sure that was a good sign, I wanted to be positive.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

“Mhm. It's, umm… it's been a while, that's all.” She smiled sweetly at me, the shyness foreign on her features.

“Me too,” I admitted. “You really are amazingly beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

I let my eyes trail down her body slowly, taking it all in. She really was perfect, to my personal ideals anyway. But I noticed something that made me frown; a series of small scars on one side of her chest. They were old and faded, but strangely ragged. I brushed my fingers along down their length, but pulled back when I felt her shiver.

“What happened?” I asked, meeting her eyes. Her skin turned a shade pale as she turned her head just enough to break eye contact.

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lily, I want to know everything about you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Not right now, okay? I promise I'll tell you… later.”

“Okay…” I didn't like it, but I didn't want to push, either. More than probably anyone else, I understood not wanting to re-open certain wounds. Still, this wasn't over. I wanted her to know I wasn't judging her, and that her past didn't bother me, whatever it was, so I leaned down and tenderly brushed my lips against the scars.

She watched me intently as I kissed a path up her side to her breast, circling my tongue around her pink nipple. I let a hand graze its twin, fingers brushing and barely squeezing. She let out a soft moan, and I smiled, upping the ante by scraping my teeth against the sensitive nub.

Her fingers found their way to my hair again, and I was pretty sure I would be fine if they never left. I moved my head to her other side, giving both breasts equal treatment. I let a hand wander down her body and between her legs, a finger slipping easily inside her warmth.

“Zac,” she purred, her body beginning to writhe. I moved up to capture her lips in a hungry kiss. Her grip on my hair tightened, which made me intensify the kiss; back and forth, each of us both spurred on by and adding to the other’s need.

“Lily,” I panted. As much as I loved pleasing her, my own need was becoming almost painful.

“Yes, Zac?”

“Touch me?” I stared into her eyes, feeling a bit submissive, but if she wanted me to beg I gladly would.

“Of course.” With deft fingers she reached between us and undid my jeans. I felt a bit of the pressure ease up and I let my eyes fall closed as I kissed her again. I shifted so she could push my jeans and boxers down my hips a bit, and then I felt her slender fingers wrapping around my aching hardness.

“Fuck…” I arched my back, my hips grinding against her touch as she began to stroke me. The time for tender words and gentle caresses was definitely over, and we both knew it.

I deepened the kiss and slid a second finger into her, curling and twisting as I discovered what she liked best. 

“Oh, Zac,” she moaned, her back arching so far her shoulders nearly lifted off the mattress. I grinned as I circled her clit with my thumb, loving every moment of watching her unravel. She pulled me down and kissed me with wanton ferocity; even more than making her come undone, I loved that she could match my intensity. 

“I want you so bad,” I moaned against her neck.

“Yes. I want you too, Zac.”

Our eyes met and I was struck speechless. 

“Zac. Make Love to me?”

“Yes.”

I felt a touch of awkwardness as I pulled away to fish the condom out of my back pocket, but Lily just smiled. I stood on wobbly legs just long enough to kick off my clothes, my lips returning to hers before my knees even touched the bed.

“God, I need you,” I breathed against her lips.

“Trust me, the feeling is mutual.” We both chuckled a little at that as I rolled the condom on and positioned myself between her legs. I was struck yet again by just how beautiful she was, and how insanely lucky I was to have been given this.

I gave her one more kiss, but looked in her eyes as I slid into her. Our voices harmonized as I pushed as deep as I could without risking her pain. For a few seconds I held still, both of us trembling. Sex had never felt so good, so pleasing to all the senses; it was a feeling of completion, of being made whole, bordering on a spiritual experience.

As she shifted and tightened around me, my focus snapped from the existential to the hyper-aware. As I began to thrust into her I kissed her like it was the first time, like her taste was new to me. Everything felt almost overwhelming, but grounded in a way I couldn't describe. She lifted her legs to wrap around my hips, pulling me even deeper, and I moaned against her mouth.

“Lily… so perfect.” I let my hands wander up and down her body as I rocked against her.

“Mmm… No, but you are…”

I shook my head. I wasn't perfect; I was barely even good. But she touched my cheek and stared at me with an earnest expression.

“Yes. You are.”

I covered her hand on my cheek with my own. If she thought I was, that had to mean something. She leaned up to kiss me, and I tried to make her feel every ounce of my love for her as I returned the kiss. I held her tight, thrusting faster into her; she moaned and arched her back, drawing us even closer still together.

“Yes,” she panted, her eyes falling closed. “Yes, Zac…”

“Lily… My Lily…”

“Yes,” she said again, and I looked to see her smiling at me. She understood. She was _my_ Lily. I wanted her to know I would always take care of her every need. I reached my hand between her legs and circled her clit with my thumb. I was quickly learning exactly how she liked to be touched--where, how hard and how fast. Sure enough, a few moments later she gasped, her eyes wide as she clawed at my back.

“Oh, Zac…”

“That's it, Lily. Let go.” I kissed her deep, swallowing her cries. My other hand moved from her hip to squeeze her ass, lifting it and changing the angle as I continued to thrust into her. I released her mouth, loving every gasp and whimper and moan.

“So amazing,” I murmured as I watched her unravel.

“Talking about yourself?” She smirked at me, apparently not undone enough just yet. I rolled my eyes and pressed her clit harder, making her shriek. Each and every one of her moans and cries made me want to please her that much more. I rocked against her faster and harder, and leaned down to bite at her neck and shoulder. I wasn't going to last much longer, but my only concern was satisfying her every need.

“Come for me, Lily.”

“Again?” She panted. “My, aren't you needy?”

I angled my hips just right, seeking out her most sensitive spot until her back bowed and she gasped my name.

“As you wish,” she moaned, her eyes falling closed. I felt her every muscle tighten around me like a vice, and I leaned down to capture her lips in a desperate, hungry kiss.

“Lily,” I breathed, pulling back just far enough to look in her eyes. “I…”

I stopped myself. This wasn't the time; the words wouldn't sound as sincere if I said them now.

“Yes?”

“So good…”

“Mhm…”

“Oh God, I'm going to…” I claimed her lips again as I felt the tidal wave crash over me. I couldn't tell which of us was trembling more as we clung to each other, riding out the surges of pleasure. I kissed every inch of her neck as I slowed my hand between her legs, easing her down from the edge.

I heard her let out a shaking breath as I got up on uneasy legs, only standing as long as necessary to dispose of the condom. I collapsed next to her, pulling her into my arms. She gave a happy sigh and pulled me closer, entwining our legs. I kissed the top of her head as I felt my own mind begin to clear.

“I'm really glad we did this,” she said. “This whole date thing.”

“I am too. I think…” 

“Yes, Zac?” She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and concern. Would she believe me if I told her? Or would she chalk it up to the afterglow? 

“I think…”

She reached out and touched my cheek; her palm was warm, her fingers delicate as they traced the curve of my jaw. I had to tell her, and if she shot me down that was that. But I felt it too strongly to deny. I could practically feel the words clawing their way out of my throat, and the fear of not saying them outweighed the fear of rejection.

“I think… I've fallen in love.”

For half a second, Lily looked terrified, and I was sure I'd blown it. But her eyelids fluttered shut, and her lips pulled up the tiniest bit.

“You're not the only one.”

“Please tell me you really mean that.”

“Of course I do. I would never lie to you, Zac.”

I felt like the Grinch at the end, my heart threatening to burst out of my chest. My vision blurred as tears started to form. I cupped her face in my hands and let out a nervous chuckle.

“I… I can't believe I just said that,” she said with a smile. “It's true, though. I just… didn't want to admit it, I guess.”

“I know. I was terrified.” I nodded and stroked her cheeks with my thumbs. “But I'm not scared anymore.”

“Why were you scared?”

“I was scared you didn't feel the same way.” I released my hold on her and looked down. It sounded silly now, with everything we'd said and done, but I couldn't help it.

“I… I didn't want to.” She sighed. “That sounds bad, but I'm not really supposed to fall for my customers.”

“I know.” 

“It just makes things so messy. I couldn't stop it, though.”

“Neither could I. But I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad _you_ didn't.”

“Me too.”

I took both her hands in mine. I was sure now, more sure than I'd ever been about anything. It was scary as hell, but I trusted my gut.

“Lily?”

“Yes?”

“I love you,” I half-whispered, in a failed attempt to keep my voice steady. But her voice trembled led just as much when she answered.

“I… I love you too, Zac.”

A laugh and a tear escaped me at the same time. She reached up and brushed the drop from my cheek. I could see all the love I felt for her reflected back at me in her eyes. And when I kissed her, I could feel it, could taste it on her lips like candy. I was truly in love, and she felt the same. Despite the nightmare of drama surrounding me, as far as I was concerned, all was right with the world.


End file.
